45+ Trying to conceive


#1

Hello everyone! I’m 47, married, no kids. My DH and I have been TTC for 9 years already. I’ve got pregnant in 2012, but there was problem with my kidneys and doctors had to terminate pregnancy. There is a very high risk for me to get pregnant again. We decided to use services of surrogate mother. Surrogacy is forbidden by law in our country and we are looking for options abroad. Which country is better to go? Which clinics are better to address? How long it takes to find sm? I read that sometimes it takes years. Is that true? I’m not getting any younger. I’m afraid that my eggs won’t be valid in a couple of years. I don’t want to lose time. I’m afraid it may be too late for us and there will be no chance to become parents.


#2

Hello everyone who is reading my thread! I wasn’t active for a while… I haven’t done any research on surrogacy during these days… It makes me so angry at myself that I’m wasting time, but… There is a reason for my inaction. I don’t want to whine and complain. I know that doing those things is just a waste of time. But I feel like I need to talk to someone. It feels like the whole world is against our intention to have a baby. Last week I met my old friend. We studied in college together. We met in a local supermarket. She was with her kids, 9 and 2 yo. Of course she started to ask about my kids and I told her I don’t have one. And she was like “OH REALLY?” She was looking at me like I’m crazy person. The only thing I wanted to do at that moment is to disappear. I wanted to explain myself and I don’t know how this happened but I told her that we are planning to have surrogacy. Usually I don’t tell about it and only the closest people know about it. And what do you think she told me? “Oh honey, don’t be stupid. It’s too late for you. Just let it go.” And she was stupidly smiling and she had that dumb smirk on her face as if she knows everything about me and can tell me what I have to do with my life. Not only I was mad at her, but I was mad at myself. Why? Why have I told that bitch about surrogacy? Why I even care what she thinks? I have so many thoughts in my head now! I’m so angry! Why do I care what someone who means nothing for me thinks about my choices? And I’m just sitting here, doubting my intentions to have surrogacy. What if she’s right? What if it’s too late for us? I hate this.


#3

I’m so sorry about your situation dear! You made a great thing you came here. We are all in the same boat. Who else can understand better than we do? It was also hard for me to open up to people I don’t know. But here we can receive support and understanding which sometimes we can’t get from our family or friends. I know how hard it is to find a clinic. Recently I was in your shoes. Though search can take some time but eventually you’ll find the best place for you! We found clinic in Europe. They’ve already found sm for us and we are waiting for our baby to see the world) I wish you good luck with your search!


#4

Thank you so much for support! I’ll consider your advices. It’s so nice to talk to someone who is at the same boat. We’ve been TTC for so long… To be honest I’m exhausted. I want my surrogacy journey to start as soon as possible. I’m tired of waiting and hope for nothing. I believe surrogacy will give us a chance to live happily. I decided to concentrate on European clinics. They have pretty reasonable prices. USA prices so high I doubt we can afford to have surrogacy there. I hope I’ll find something during next couple of months. Don’t want to waste time any more. I’ll update as soon as there will be some news.


#5

Hello girls! To be honest I’ve been stressed last couple of days or even weeks… All these negative thoughts made me lost in time… I’ve been thinking over and over again about all that things which my “friend” told me. She made me doubt about my choice and this is not a good thing. This was a huge lesson for me. No one should stop us from reaching our goals. There are so many people who think they can tell us what to do. They judge us so easily. They don’t even think they can hurt our feelings and our mind. But the thing is they don’t know how we feel and what we have to face during our battle with infertility. The best thing for us is to just ignore them and do what is the best for us and our family. I understand that I was so stupid that I let her words to make me doubt in the thing which is now my only option to have children. I wasted so much time thinking about her words, thinking about her opinion which has nothing to do with me. I’m so glad to be back here. I will definitely continue my search about surrogacy. I don’t have time for stress, depressions, for thinking if this option is good for me or not. Because I’ve already decided that surrogacy is the best for me and my husband. Anyway these days helped me to understand that no one and nothing will stop me from reaching my goal. I will never ever listen to anyone who would tell me surrogacy is wrong and not for me. I will do everything possible to make my family happy. To make myself happy. From now on I will find all information I need to start my surrogacy journey. This will be kind of a challenge for me. In a month I want to see huge result. I want my journey to start in 2018. So I will do everything to make it happen.


#6

Hey, I’ve already posted a lot as for surrogacy in different countries. These were some thoughts concerning surrogacy in the UK, US and Ukraine in particular. Will also post here. Hope this helps to get more insight.
Friends of mine underwent surrogacy in Ukraine but before contacting the clinic they did a huge research on the point, considering surrogacy in the UK, US, European countries. First, they looked into the process in the US first. There it was extremelly expensive - $60 – 150k!! For them it was a factor (actually as for everybody else!) Of course things change a lot if you have a family member or friend that is willing to carry it for you. But the process might not be smooth at all. For ex., a surrogate backs out or unfortunate situation like a miscarriage. In this case you automatically have to pay at least $5k to match with another surrogate and do their health workup through the agency! Evidently, there are so many costs that could be added at any time. A surrogate receives on average of $20 – 30k for the pregnancy. The bigger sum of money goes to the agency or lawyer. Also in some states, surrogate mothers retain a parental right to the child, and can even pursue custody. (Even though the embryos placed in the surrogate have both of yourDNA!) The surrogate mother’s name is on the birth certificate. Then a couple has to go through the process of adopting the baby in court. The biggest factor, though, is time. All of the legal paperwork, signing a contract, matching a surrogate, having the surrogate go through the work-up etc. It’s been a year or two since you started the process. Discouraged, they started to look into surrogacy overseas. There were so many options! But some were very sketchy. They read some horror stories about Thailand and India. Both the countries, as a result, have shut down their surrogacy practices not too long ago.
Then how it actually came in favour of Ukraine. The huge factor for them as I’ve mentioned above was process cost. In Ukrainian biotexcom it turned out to be relatively affordable. Clinic’s all-inclusive plans for 32k - 50k euro. They covered absolutely everything outside of your plane tickets. Meds, accommodation, transportation, food. All things that involve IVF, surrogate screening and birth at the hospital. And it was also the same price if donor eggs are chosen to use instead. It was a nice back-up plan to have if things didn’t work out with OE at no additional cost! This blew them away! The best part about it is that they guaranteed them a baby (If the first surrogate doesn’t work out, they will try again with another until they are successful!)
Also Ukraine is one of the few places where the laws favor the intended parents rather than the surrogate. Under Ukrainian law, the baby is yours from the moment of conception. Once the baby is born, they put down your names in the birth certificate. Surrogate can’t claim any rights!!
Before going into the process itself do study all possible matters, evaluate every other aspect not to be disappointed lated. I wish you the best of luck and support on this way. Sending you all positive vibes.


#7

Hey. I am so sorry for you. Children are greatest blessing. I hope you will become a mother soon. As you are 45, it is hard to conceive at this age. IVF would not work at this age. I think you are going for a right procedure. Surrogacy is really an amazing process. I had uterine polyps. My eggs were fertile. But I was not able to main tain pregnancy. I have a baby now. I have no more worries in my life. I went for it to a clinic in Europe. It was renown for its surrogacy. I am a happy mother now.


#8

Hello. I am so sad for you. Kids are a most prominent gift. I trust you will end up being a mother soon. It is difficult to have babies at this age. IVF would not work at this age. I think you are going for a correct procedure. Surrogacy is extremely an astounding procedure. I have faced infertility for 10 years. The reason was unknown. I have a child now. I have no more stresses throughout my life. I put it all on the line to a clinic in Europe. It was famous for its surrogacy. I am an upbeat mother now.


#9

I’d say this depends purely on a clinic. Ladies are saying ivf would not work at 45 yrs. Well, some clinics do have this sort age restrictions. But a highly qualified one will make benefits from age matters, you know, saying, ‘look, guy, we treat the toughest cases!’ Of course ivf is still possible but success rates are much lower comparing to those of surrogacy treatment. Anyway, I’d not waste time on natural ttc 45+ and go straight to medical help. This is my point…


#10

You have been TTC from so long i guess. I was not able to TTC as i was infertile for life. SO my husband and me went for surrogacy. Surrogacy has been a good thing for me after all.I read about surrogacy alot.I heard people talking about it mostly on the forums or on different social platforms.
I had hystrestomy cancer.I am cancer free but i can’t be a mom anymore.I was ver upset and stressed.But my husband was there to support me.He assured me that he will do everything to have us a baby.
So we came to know about surrogacy.Firstly we both searched about surrogacy we understood every aspect of surrogacy.Than we moved to Europe from Japan.Japan has banned surrogacy totally so we moved.We stayed in Europe for 4 months and consulted some clinics too.
but due to several reasons my husband was not very satisfied.Then we moved to Ukraine.We heard from many people about many clincis in Ukraine.Ukraine is very popular as per surrogacy.In Ukraine we contacted a clinic and than the clinic started our journey of surrogacy.
Now the surrogate mother is pregnant with our twin daughters.We are very excited to have our own babies now.


#11

Trying to conceive is such a difficult part of my married life.I am ttc from last 10 years.Still i don’t have any luck with it.
There is no specfic cause of my infertility.I have gone through several medical tests regaring infertility but doctors can’t decide the main cause for my infertility.So they have called me infertile for life.
I want a baby too badly as i have been trying to conceive from the last decade.I am looking for other alternatives to have a baby.I have looked into a numbe rof options like adoption,surrogacy.
I have came to know from many forums about surrogacy. i heard many infertile women going for surrogacy.People on forum are discussing mostly about surrogacy,People discuss about clinics mostly.


#12

I’m so sorry about your situation dear! You made a great thing you came here. We are all in the same boat. Who else can understand better than we do? It was also hard for me to open up to people I don’t know. But here we can receive support and understanding which sometimes we can’t get from our family or friends. I know how hard it is to find a clinic. Recently I was in your shoes. Though search can take some time but eventually you’ll find the best place for you! We found clinic in Europe. They’ve already found sm for us and we are waiting for our baby to see the world) I wish you good luck with your search!


#13

Hi. How are you? Sorry to hear about your infertility. Nine years is such a long time. You much be such a patient person. You will surely get a reward for this. You can go to Ukraine for surrogacy. There’s a great clinic there. It is actually a very good option for people who live in countries like yours. The best thing about it is that it is very affordable. There are packages that they offer. you can choose the one that seems most feasible to you. I have heard so many good success stories of this place. Do share your journey with us. You won’t be disappointed. Good luck.


#14

Hi. Sorry for your losses! STAY STRONG! Time will pass! Well, I’ve not personally experienced one. But, I guess you should try somewhere in Europe. Because the U.S is too expensive. So, yeah! My own cousin sister had her procedure of surrogacy last year. For which she went to Kiev. That’s all I can suggest! I hope it’s helping…xx


#15

Indeed there are countries where surrogacy is forbidden or where the laws are very strict and the process itself is very expensive. I have researched quite a lot before starting my journey. I have chosen Eastern Europe, where the laws are exceptionally flexible. Moreover, the process doesn’t cost you as much as in your own native countries. I am from the UK and here the laws, the cost is so high. So we had to choose the country which will not bankrupt us:grimacing: and will allow us to lead a blissful parenthood. The clinic is well equipped with advance ART and the doctors are skilled. And yeah, our ovarian reserve tend to reduce as we get older. Consult with a good fertility counselor.


#16

Hey, you need to calm down. I am really sorry to hear that you had to face so many obstacles in this infertility journey. I hope things do get better in the near future. Surrogacy is a treatment for which it is really important that you are well researched. A lot of people on the internet make it seem easy and not that difficult. However, that is not true the process requires you to be fully dedicated towards it because one single mistake can cause trouble. I am just basing this on my own personal experience. I cannot emphasize enough on the importance of researching about surrogacy when you decide to opt for the purpose. My DH and I used to sit on our computer screen in front of us and endlessly research about it. It is an expensive process therefore, it is only appropriate to ensure that the money doesn’t go in waste. When I opted for the clinic I really saw two things in it which led to a wonderful result. First was searching for the right clinic which is not charging you unfairly and secondly, the doctors are well experienced. For any further help feel free to ask. Best of luck. Sending baby dust your way.


#17

Hey! It’s me Julie. Hope so you are doing good.
I just read your case. It made me so sad. And I’m glad to know that instead of losing hope you are ready for surrogacy. I’m really proud of you.
You have chosen the best option of surrogacy. There are many clinics in Europe that are specialized for surrogacy. Such clinics give quality treatment to their patients. Expenses are not so high there. They also have their surrogate mothers. Such clinics also offer gender selection. I have got many great reviews about it. I think you should go for it. I have seen many cases who have passed through this situation. They are living a happy life now. Even it seems better for you.
All my sympathies are with you.


#18

Hello there. Sorry for your misfortune! Remain strong and stay firm! Time will heal every wound! However, I’ve not experienced it yet. However, I figure you should try it in Europe. Since the U.S costs very high. My own cousin sister had her boy through surrogacy a year ago. For which she went to Europe. That is whatever I can Suggest! I’m sure that it will work for you!


#19

Hey. I am so sorry about your situation. Surrogacy is banned in many Countries. People call it unethical because they don’t know about it. They don’t know about surrogacy. It is sometimes the only hope for couples like us who cannot conceive. They call it immoral they say that surrogates do it for money. It’s not true. Its painful for people who cannot have babies. They do so for our happiness. There should be awareness about surrogacy in the world. I am also a mother of a son given birth by a surrogate. Surrogacy was banned in my Country So I went to Europe for it. I am happy that people are still there in the world. I am a happy mother because of this process. I hope this would help many people like me. I wish best of luck to you.


#20

Hey Dear, I know you are going through hard time. It is not permanent situation at all. Don’t lose hope everything will be good. Life is not end here. There are numerous advances in fertility science have granted prospective parents an increasing array of options to increase their chances of conception, from in vitro fertilization (IVF), to ovarian tissue freezing, to whole uterine transplantation. Ther other one is surrogacy, In which, a agreement whereby a woman agrees to carry a pregnancy for another person or persons, who will become the newborn child’s parent after birth. My close friend, who is also facing this situation from about 5 years. She tried but failed. They discuss with every doctor and pay high bills. Every doctors and report’s result make her too much sad. She started to hate everyone and every time talk nonsense about her life. Although it’s also her second marriage. But, Her husband is too good and understanding. He fully supported her. She tried to convince her husband for surrogacy. And they know its really risky. Anyhow, she tried because everybody know when you take risk and try, you have hope. So, She used advanced technologies in last year. Now, she has baby boy. I think, She is the example for every mother who lose hope too early. According to me, Leave your fears aside and move to advance methods, make a search on it.Visit doctors , discuss them briefly. I wish you Best of luck.