6 Days Post ET and Freaking Out - Feel like it failed


#1

Hi all,

Long time lurker, recent poster. I know that this topic has been posted again and again, but today is day 6 for me post transfer and I’m a wreck. I haven’t felt a single symptom and have convinced myself it didn’t work. We weren’t able to transfer full blasts (we got one early blast and one morula), and this has only been adding to my anxiety. The two transferred embryos weren’t even able to be graded and we were told we likely wouldn’t have any to freeze. Thankfully, we had two “BBB” embryos that made it to freeze on day six. This has helped calm me down a bit, and has given me some hope (maybe if the two made it to day six outside my body then the two slow ones made it inside my body?), but I am so scared of false hope. Hope is such a dangerous thing during this process. Everyone keeps telling me to “calm down,” “relax,” and “stay positive”–but they have no idea what my husband and I have been through. I know you guys understand, and I am just looking for some inspiration. This is our first IVF after about a year of trying, one miscarriage, and one chemical pregnancy, and it’s completely out of pocket – so we are absolutely terrified right now.

Also, not sure if I should wait until my beta or POAS now. My beta is in three days. My husband wants me to wait, but I don’t want to be alone at work when the call comes through. I feel like if I know now, I can be prepared. I don’t want to burst into tears in my office if it’s bad news. I also feel like I can make some weekend plans for us if it’s bad news–book a hotel somewhere, order some wine, just have a nice coping backup plan.

Sorry this is so scattered.

Thanks for listening!


#2

just poas now. its better to get the news alone. i hate hearing the nurse tell me over the phone in her fake empathetic voice, “i’m sorry…” i would rather get the news from the stick alone in my bathroom. thats just me. by day 6 you are most likely going to get an accurate result. sorry if i sound harsh, but i’ve done this enough times to give it to you straight.


#3

You don’t sound harsh at all–it’s exactly how I have been feeling. I’ve gotten bad news after bad news throughout the past year while sitting in an office that I share with another person–and it’s been hard. I feel like I just want to move on with my life if it’s bad news. Throw myself a pity party and then move on. Regroup. The 2WW is much harder than I anticipated. It’s always been bad, but post-IVF is so much worse.


#4

Babymakesfour I feel the same exact way. I am in the 2ww of my first IVF cycle and I wanted to POAS. I currently have the tests under my sink. I had planned to do it today since today would mark 10dp5dt. But then I started having cramps…and I feel exactly like AF is about to rear her head. My beta is scheduled for 8/30. So yesterday I told DH I was going to have the lab call him and he could tell me when I get off work. I’ve had 3 failed iui’s and 3 breakdowns at work so now it’s his turn.


#5

Hi Selah–looks like we had our cycles around the same time. My beta is the 29th. I’ll be crossing my fingers for you and thinking of you. The breakdowns at work are the worst b/c it makes me feel so alone. My husband always says we’re in it together, he’s going through it, too, etc. etc. And I always say, well, it’s me going to the appointments alone, me making the calls, me getting the bad news.

We toyed with the idea of letting the call go to voicemail and then listening to the message together when he gets home from work–but that will be at 8:30pm and I don’t know if I can handle waiting. I haven’t bought tests yet, but there is a pharmacy on the way to my ferry home and I am so tempted.

Are you going to POAS or wait until your beta?


#6

I agree- POAS! 6dp5dt is a little early, but tomorrow would be a great day to test at home. Most positives will show up by then if you use a first response early result. Good luck!


#7

I would POAS the morning if your beta. Better to know going in than to hear it from the nurse. Good luck


#8

So I bit the bullet last night (6dp5dt) and this morning (7dp5dt) and both were negative. I cried hysterically last night – and even yelled and screamed a bit. I basically just let it all out. Today I cried again for about an hour after seeing the negative. Now, of course, I am wondering if I did any damage with all the crying/yelling/anxiety/stress/etc. just in case it is too early. I’ve held it together so well throughout this whole cycle. I guess it was time for me to have my breakdown. Wondering if anyone else has had any BFPs after crying bouts/anxiety/etc.


#9

I’m really sorry. (((hugs))). You absolutely did not do any damage by yelling and screaming and crying. I promise. Did you use a first response? Did you look at the test later to see if there was a faint line?


#10

I’m sorry you got a negative but you really could still get a positive beta.

I am waiting…but only because I am still not prepared to see a negative on a hpt.


#11

Also from what I’ve read and I don’t know how true it is…you might not get a positive beta until 10dp5dt…don’t give up hope just yet.