A friend's pregnancy announcement and I'm right back to depressed again


#1

I’ve been feeling happy and excited because my DH and I are going to QLD on holidays for 5 days, then tonight a friend of mine from the gym told me she is 18 weeks pregnant. I couldn’t even tell. She told me earlier this year her DH and her were not thinking of kids yet (obviously one of those people who keeps it quiet, but I feel lied to). It is so hard to smile and act happy for people when you feel like crying.
It would be so great if we could be pregnant together. Now I’ve just got to add her to the list of friends and family that are pregnant or have a baby.

And would you believe it, they said the following:
Just get drunk and pretend you’re 18 (what, you think we’ve never got drunk and had sex???)
Try not thinking about it, that worked for us (how? HOW??? I can’t stop thinking about it!!!)
You just need to relax (I’m on holidays for 6 weeks. The only think I’m not relaxed about is my infertility!)
Seriously I’m going to scream next time I hear those stupid, insensitive statements. I promise myself never to say them to anyone else trying to get pregnant.
Rant over.


#2

Those words hurt

Those words are very annoying and painful when people say them… I agree. Hang in there and stay strong.


#3

Ugh - I’m so sorry. I can identify with all of your emotions.

It’s not easy to stay strong when others around you are going pregnant. And to top it off, the comments … they may mean well but it hurts just the same.

Believe it or not, people are STILL saying outrageous things to me even now that we’re pregnant. (I’m really not telling anyone as I’m only 15 weeks but I did tell my parents and 2 best friends)

My mother says things like “See - I told you that you just needed to believe!” Ya mom … I’m sure that was it. Not the fact that the adhesions pulled my tubes aways from my ovaries. Or the fact that my egg quality is so poor. And the only thing that could fix that was a ton of hormones and IVF!

And I’ve been so tentative (EXTREMELY HAPPY but worried beyond anything I’ve ever felt) One of the friends, in an attempt to make me stop worrying, actually told me that I would cause my own miscarraige by being so nervous. It was awful! Worried cannot be threatened out of me. That comment just made me more scared.

The point is, I thought the insensativity would stop after we got pregnant but that’s not been the case.

I pray you’ll get your BPF soon! :grouphug:


#4

I am going through the same thing right now. Except mine is a co-worker, so I have to hear about it all. day. long. ugh. I am happy for her. Heck, when I was doing clomid during the summer I broke down and told her that we were trying. She would ask all kinds of questions about how to know when she ovulates and what positions are best, what kinds of foods to eat, vitamins to take, etc. Her and her DH were going to start trying this month. After all the conversations we had, the tears I shed when I would get one BFN after another. Well wouldn’t you know it, the Tuesday before Christmas she told all of us she is 11 weeks pregnant?! Wth?! She kept it from that whole time!! GRRRRRRRR! Worst part is, she got off the pill in September, and was pregnant in October! She is one of those people who has always had everything come so easy for her. WHY???
anyway, I feel ya honey. We are all here for you!

Coffeegal- you got your BFP on my 30th birthday!!! How exciting! CONGRATS!!


#5

I’m sorry to hear of your pain. I too absolutely DREAD hearing of my sister, sister-in-laws, and friends pregnancy news. Right now, I’m barely dealing with the reality of my situation but I know getting news like that will send me into a downward spiral. I want to be happy for others but it’s just so HARD!

All the best to you and try to focus on the gifts you do have in your ife. I bet there are lots of people who secretly wish they had something you have.


#6

I’m right there with you, so you’re not alone.

Sister is due in March…right around my husband’s birthday. One of my close friends just announced Sunday on Facebook that they are expecting their 3rd. I can’t get away from it either.

I agree with you as well on the insensitive comments and ‘advise’. Most of them come from my family, and while they mean well, they don’t understand. We’re to the point now, that when they ask how things are going with us (as in conceiving), I tell them we’re still a few thousand short of paying for our procedure, but we’re taking donations and gifts! That usually shuts them up pretty fast. LOL

At any rate, we’re all here for you. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Amy


#7

Its hard IF sucks. I find myself feeling happy and hopeful only when it comes to women who had to deal with IF and get pregnant. I guess I’m biased but I can’t help it.


#8

I’m going through the same thing. One of my best friends decided she wanted to kids and went off the pill, in a matter of months she was pregnant and it happened by accident because they technically weren’t trying just yet. I’m happy for her; however, 1 week after I had my chemical we went to lunch and all she could talk about was her pregnancy and I was completed hurt. I thought she would be more sensitive to my situation, knowing my whole background. Now all she does is post annoying comments on FB about how she is nauseous or can’t drink. I’m really trying to be supportive but she is driving me nuts!

Yesterday I talked to another friend who is having infertility issues and I found out she is pregnant. This one doesn’t hurt as bad because she has been trying and had two miscarriages, I’m hoping this one works out for her. Her beta came back at 322 but unfortunately her progesterone is really low, something like 1.1. hopefully the supplements can work for her.

One comment I hate along with the others already mentioned is “don’t worry you’ll be pregnant one day too!”


#9

I am soooo sorry!!! There is NOTHING like finding out someone is preggo while you are trying EVERYTHING to have a child… especially the ladies who get preggo on accident. I mean, really!!!.. How does that even happen… LOL. That seems like a crazy thing to happen for us on this forum, but yet it happens all of the time & sadly we have to hear about it. It’s easy to feel isolated, angry, sad, mad, confused, bitter, hopeful one day, depressed the next…et…etc… IF comes with a lot of mixed emotions!

I have been in this situation so many times over the years. I have cried getting off the phone with friends/family sharing the news, left baby showers crying on the way home, sad that people want to call me over baby things (nursery, names…etc). It’s not that I am mad at the expecting couples… I’m just so sad for myself & for my DH (who would make an excellent dad). Keep in mind… we all are grieving sooo bad & want to experience the joy of parenthood as well.

I was doing fertility treatments when my BFF got pregnant… I thought for sure we’d end up preggo together, but that wasn’t the case… that was 8 years ago… she has since had one more child. Unless someone has been down this road… No one understands what it’s like when everyone around you is pregnant or have children while you are stuck in a rut. No one understands how sad it is that we have to pay thousands just for a CHANCE at pregnancy. No one understands the impact it has on the marriage or the individual. How about the quiet house that should be filled with giggles & kids screaming?! SIGH All people can say is - “just adopt” (but yet they have bio kids!!!) “relax” (like we weren’t relaxing when we first started TTC, how many vacations have we been on relaxing & how will relaxing cure blocked tubes or whatever disease is preventing pregnancy) “maybe it’s not meant to be”… REALLY… it’s meant for crack heads & abusive mothers to have children but not the loving couples who could provide a good home!!! Like you, I have heard the most RIDICULOUS comments ever on TTC! Oh, honey, I can relate… as we all can… even the ones on here that are preggo or have went on to have children. We all have been here. Hang in there! Vent away… this is a hard process!!!