Angry and sad


#1

I am so pissed off right now. Had an mc last week at 7 weeks after finally getting pregnant after 5 IUI cycles. Went in to work today for a little bit and it was hell. Everyone is pregnant and obnoxious at work and I just can’t stand it. I am totally depressed and don’t know how I’m going to cope.


#2

I am SO sorry for your loss… and for your crappy day!! This is SUCH a hard journey… but remember this, the longer we wait for our own miracle, the sweeter it is going to be when it gets here. That thought is what gets me through all the hard times. God bless…


#3

I am so sorry kokito for you loss.

I know exactly how you feel. One thing that I found worked for me was giving myself permission to be angry and pissed. Vent to your husband, vent to your friends, take up kick-boxing or listening to loud music, know that you are allowed to be angry right now.

Just make sure to vent in a safe way! (from personal experience by husband did not like me getting mad at him for no reason, but he liked it when I shared my anger at others with him.)


#4

I completely understand, and I think this it totally normal for where you are right now. It’s so frustrating. And it’s a doubly hard loss as it was so hard to get here. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel however you need to feel.

I started a blog (see below) and it has done wonders for me when going through loss. I could write in it at work or home or on my phone- wherever I was- and get those feelings out. I hope you can find something that works for you.

But your feelings are totally normal. I can say they don’t ever go away, but they do get easier with time. :grouphug::grouphug:


#5

Kokito

I’m sorry hun and right there with you I’m told my pregnancy will fail and it took 6 cycles to get our :bfp: . I am having the dandc later this week and am heartbroken and sad.

Whats you next plan? I am worried it will happen again and am older so don’t have time to even grieve this loss.

This totally sucks.

I am sorry you have to deal with this at work I learned early on tell no one until the second trimester. My friends haunted me like crazy and once people know you want a baby they are relentless.:grouphug:


#6

Thanks everyone for your responses. I’m so sorry for your losses as well!

Since everything at work is triggering me, I’m thinking about telling a few more people - maybe they’ll be a little more aware (like not unwrapping their baby gifts in front of me, not *****ing about how difficult it is being pregnant, etc).

We were told we could start trying again after 2-3 normal cycles. Does anyone know if it makes a difference to wait the full 3, or can we go ahead after 2? It seems like a long time to wait. Even though I hated the process the first time around, I’m ready (in some ways) to be trying again.


#7

Hi Kokito,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Sending lots of hugs your way…

I cannot even imagine being around so many pregnant people so soon after my miscarriage and seeing them unwrapping gifts and complaining! Actually, I can’t even imagine being at work and having to function “normally” and not freak out at every little work related obstacle/criticism (I was not working fulltime when my mc happened, so had some time to myself to deal with things).

I think your idea of telling some people is good, but just pick the people carefully (ones who will support you and have your back when things get difficult vs. people who won’t understand why you’re upset and make insensitive comments). Since people don’t really talk about mc, some of the people you tell may even have been through it and understand what you’re going through, which will help.

Is taking a few more days off an option, or are you maxed out right now? Can you and DH grab a few days away (even visit a neighbouring town for the weekend)? A change of scenery and some pampering can be very helpful at this time. In general, take care of yourself and focus on your needs right now. Be as selfish as you need to be and remove yourself from any situations that make you sad/angry/etc.

As to starting again, Dr.'s are all over the board about how long to wait. From reading on this site, waiting 2 periods before starting seems to be the most common advice, though many say even 1 period is fine (that’s what my Dr. told me). So, if you want to start sooner, should be fine, just make sure you run it by your Dr. in case you have any specific issues that led them to suggest waiting longer. There seems to be some studies that say the sooner you start the better as your body is already “primed” for pregnancy. Just make sure you’re emotionally ready when you start again. Most people have a pretty rough time their first time starting.

Good luck with everything, and take care of yourself.


#8

Hello! I am soooo sorry. I am going through the same thing right now of sorts. I miscarried last week, then they were nervous that there was/is also an ectopic (I had 3 embryos put in through IVF). During this time, at work it has been “baby shower city.”

I FILPPED out last week (and I never get bent out of shape at work), and I ended up telling a few people. It sort of helped, sort of didn’t. Now they do give me the “pity” look.

This is a very hard proces to go through, and it is even more difficult when people have sex and then BOOM, there’s the baby. It is even worse when people complain about how awful pregnancy is, BUT all of our lives are within its own context. It is soooo hard for us, but at some point, the right thing for you will work itself out. it just does not always seem that way rght now. :grouphug:


#9

Hi Ladies-

I just lost my baby 3 weeks ago and my heart will be forever broken.

I did IVF in June and got pregnant. At my 20 week U/S my babies heart stopped beating. I had to be induced and deliver her. It was the worst day of my life. We got to hold her for about an hour and it was heart wrenching. We just got the autopsy back yesterday and they said she got wrapped in her cord.

We are going to start IVF again after I have two periods. I can’t wait to get started again and scared that I next time I won’t breathe until I’m holding a baby in my arms.

In the mean time all of my friends are pregnant and one just found out the other day she is. It’s all around me.

I’m sorry to all of you for your loss…


#10

Purdy23 - I am so, so sorry. That is absolutely heartbreaking and such a traumatic experience. My thoughts are with you!

Big hugs,
Kokito


#11

I’m sorry, too, to hear about the losses. I just found out yesterday that I m/c. We did IVF and were able to get pregnant. But the second beta dropped, and the third dropped to not even being pregnant. It was a huge slap in the face… a tease. I go between numbness and uncontrollable crying. We don’t even have the money to pay for another round of ivf. Dh’s parents loaned us the money for this last round, so we have to pay them back first. My parents are really in no position to loan us any money. I really don’t know what we’re going to do. And there are no shared risk programs near where I live either.


#12

Hello,
I am so sorry kokito for you loss.I know exactly how you feel. One thing that I found worked for me was giving myself permission to be angry and pissed. Vent to your husband, vent to your friends, take up kick-boxing or listening to loud music, know that you are allowed to be angry right now.


#13

I think his idea of telling some people is fine, but people just choose carefully. Because people do not really talk about mc, some people say it might even have been there and understand what is happening, it helps.