Another ? Should I go to this party?


#1

Sorry, I’m full of questions today. Here goes, bear with me.

My family has been friends with this other couple for a long time, probably 25+ years. We get together on the Friday night after Thanksgiving with a bunch of other families and have a big family Thanksgiving dinner. They are BIG wine drinkers, so there’s another drinking event I am trying to avoid. But not the real problem.

I found out that one of the daughters in law are preggo. Very early in her pregnancy and she didn’t need medication/help this time after needing it for her first. She and I aren’t close as I grew up with her hubby and not her.

I tried to get out of going, but my mom guilt-tripped me into going, saying my girl would love to play with the kids, that she’s been in my shoes, and another daughter would need me to talk to that night. So I’m going. :grr:

A- How again do I get out of drinking wine with this many people. B - How am I supposed to handle this woman? I’m not supposed to know she’s preggo. I’m happy for her, or as happy as one with infertility can be, but if she announces that she’s preggo that night, I’m going to lose it. I’ve already told my mother this, that I’m leaving if she announces, but I don’t want the attention on why I’m leaving.

Just don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be OK with this, it’s just really hard. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you. I appreciate this forum, where I can vent and be sad and still have friends. :slight_smile:


#2

Is there anyway for you to get out of it? I wouldn’t be able to handle being around someone :preg: right now - especially not in my social setting (since I run a daycare - I am surrounded my :preg: women and babies all day at work).

I would probably play sick and try to get out of going for this year?.. I don’t know if I am of any help!


#3

If you absolutely have to go, just always a have a little wine in your cup…dump it out when you go to the bathroom or in the kitchen, or have your hubby take a gulp when no one’s around…or you can do what I did the other day, and just tell everyone you had too much to drink the night before and you still are sick :slight_smile: …if it’s BYOB you can dump out bottles of beer and pour iced tea into them and recap them…

as to the possible announcement, it’s going to be really obvious if you leave as soon as she announces…i would try to keep a straight face for a least a few minutes, slip away for a while, and blow out of there in like half an hour…maybe let everyone think you ate something that didn’t agree with you

i feel for you…i’ve had to endure many announcements this year and while i’m happy for my friends who are preggos, an 18 year old who accidently got knocked up really bothers me and it’s hard to stay in control upon hearing that one…and now i got invited to her baby shower! yea! i responded maybe - if my IUI was successful I’ll go…if not, I don’t think I can go and be happy for her


#4

Might have to try that “sick” act. I’ve been exposed to the stomach flu and my mom knows it. Thanks for the idea!


#5

It sounds like all your instincts are telling you not to go, so I’d say whatever you have to say to get out of it. Good luck!


#6

My sister always says “Lie to the people who can’t handle the truth”. Sounds like you told your Mom the truth about the reasons you don’t want to be there, and it didn’t work.

If I was in your shoes I would not go, and give any reason you feel you need to to get out of it. Your Mom may be upset that you missed a tradition, but right now you need to think about you.

Good luck!


#7

Drinking a glass or 2 of wine won’t hurt as you are still in your 2ww. If you happen to have implanted already still drinking wont hurt you as the baby isn’t living off you yet or sharing the blood supply and won’t until around 6 weeks along. The saying is “drink til its pink”.

Also i know it will hurt if she announces she’s pregnant, but you should stay. I have went though YEARS (almost 9) as we’ve been ttc listening to other people announce their pregnancy. It hurts but I have always known my time will come and i’ll get to announce mine. I’ve learned i can’t get mad or upset just bc someone has better luck than i do.

:grouphug:


#8

I agree about the drink till its pink part. It is perfectly fine to have a glass of wine when TTC (even during 2ww). In fact, a study just came out a few weeks ago that it may even be safe to drink 1 glass of wine during pregnancy. I am not going to chance it, but while TTC, I will have 1 glass of wine at Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Until I actually see a positive pregnancy test I am not going to worry about 1 glass of wine. You can just have one glass and nurse it all night long…

Or you can skip the party the day after because of this announcement! I hear where you are coming from because I think every friend I have has either been pregnant in the last year or is currently pregnant. It sucks big time. But for Thanksgiving you can definitely have a glass of wine.


#9

Thanks for all your advice and ideas, I appreciate them all. I have no idea what I am going to do. :frowning: I understand the many points you all are making and still haven’t come up with a good plan.

Ugh, wish I knew what to do. :grr: Thanks again though!


#10

I hope I am not crossing any boundaries by saying what I’m about to say. It took me 3 years to conceive my daughter and in those 3 years, I went to every shower, every dinner or pregnancy announcement occasion, etc. I had to hide tears many times, but I am so glad that I put on a happy face for my friends/family. You ARE going to get to be the one to announce the happy news SOON, and you will want the support and celebration from those that you love…just like they want it from you. Does that make sense? I know it’s so hard though…so I’m not judging.

I also think a glass of wine is fine…you deserve it! :grouphug: