Asking for some emotional support


#1

I’ve had quite the day, and I’m feeling pretty alone.

This will be our 3rd IUI cycle, first one with monitoring, first one with a trigger. (Yikes, giving myself a shot, I know some of you are old hand, but yikes)

I did a solo trip to the RE today, CD 11, and we saw 1 left side follicle at 20mm, 1 right side follicle at 18.5 mm, and my uterine lining is 8. IUI sched for CD 13.

I rec’d a quick demo on self-administering the trigger shot, picked up my shot at the hospital pharmacy after a 20 minute conversation with the Pharmacist and two techs about how to keep it chilled over the day when I had 200 miles to drive to work and then to home (I live quite a ways away from the RE).

To say I was frazzled on my way out of town would be an understatement, but at a stop light I shot a text to a very good girlfriend of mine who lives in that city: “I’m waving at you! Had to come for a dr appt, looking forward to seeing you Friday!” (5 of us are getting together for a girlfriends’ dinner/xmas party at our favorite restaurant on this Friday). She responded that she would see me there, xoxo, etc.

Fast forward 3 hours. One of the 5 us unexpectedly shoots an email bowing out of dinner, and in response, my friend (whom I’d texted earlier) emails us all and says that the date was carefully picked, she wanted a more intimate setting, but BOOM - SHE’S DUE IN JUNE.

  1. I already feel like an *** for sitting at my desk and crying for 15 minutes.
  2. She knows that I’ve had 7 years of infertility and loss, AND that my RE is in her town, AND that I had an appt with said RE this morning.
  3. AN E-MAIL? Are we allergic to conversation now?
  4. My husband thinks I’m not being gracious and happy for my friend, who…wait for it…GOT PREGNANT ON HER HONEYMOON.

Shoot me now. I need a glass of wine. Thanks for letting me vent - no one else understands.


#2

:grouphug: ugh.

So many hugs to you! I’m sorry this happened, and i know how you feel. Ive had a relatively short journey with IUIs so far, buta difficult infertility journey. The day we learned my DH’s vasectomy reversal failed, my friend told me she was pregnant after her first month trying. I was NOT HAPPY for her. That might be mean /not gracious, but it was the truth. You can’t help your feelings and it’s normal and OK. Ive realized that people who’ve never has IF issues just dont realize how badly and deeply it hurts, and how it just seems so very unfair.

Ill pray for you that you get your miracle soon. In the meantime, don’t feel bad about your feelings and vent away!


#3

Ah yes, the friends getting pregnant thing! Never fun. I hate to say it, but your hubby is right- you should be over-the-moon happy for your friend. But you are right to be sad, too. The email thing would really make me sore, too but she tried waiting for all of you to get together- so it is what it is.

One of my closest friends got pregnant about a month ago- 3rd kid. They weren’t even planning it. Of course. She also understands a little about my struggles (probably the person I’ve told all this to the most)- it hurts. It’s almost rude! lol I realize that’s ridiculous, but it’s how I feel. Like, did I somehow talk about having a baby too much around her and it made her want to have a baby? Again, crazy… maybe. lol

I am also involved in a birth board for my son- there’s about 30 of us that stayed together through the past 4 years. I can’t even tell you how many of them have had their 2nd, 3rd and yes, there’s one on her 4th child after ours were born 4 years ago! Talk about unfair.

It sucks. Plain old sucks. Pregnant on their honeymoon. Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me?:grouphug:


#4

Seriously - completely sucks.

I did speak with her, explain that I’d hoped she’d been more sensitive with my feelings, her news felt like a cold ice bucket in the face, and that I needed to be really protective of my feelings, etc. I also told her how under the selfish “protect me” stuff I was so happy for she and her husband, and that they would be great parents. And they will be.

The first hour or so is just hard.


#5

MontanaJen- Unfortunately we all know this part in our lives is not easy. It makes it even worse when people who are close to us don’t quite get the concept how bad were hurting inside. I hope your friend is elated and know how lucky she is to get pregnant. I know 6 people who got pregnant or were about to have a baby in a 8 month period. One was a co-worker who gave me a flower and then the next day she slipped it into conversation she was pregnant. I said why did you tell me. She said because i didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I told her. You hurt my feelings more by thinking you had to hide it. I’m glad i said what I had to say. She understood.
I’ve learned not to hold things in. If your upset by how she told you, or if you two are close and you feel she should have been there for you, tell her. Like I always tell myself. It is ok to cry. Hang in there and tell you hubby just to hold you when your sad. I wish you the best of luck and pray you get your :bfp: so you can tell all your friends at dinner, at your favorite restaurant :grouphug:


#6

Completely understand!

Friends around me are poping it out like there is no tomorrow. hehehe.

You see all these pregnant mamas doing the absolute worse, and living a crazy life, all of a sudden they are pregnant, meanwhile your trying to so everything right, and actually spending life savings to have a baby. How ANNOYING:grr:

I would reccomend 1 hour to release all that anger, throw things around. Yell at your husband for no reason, break a HPT, kick the cat, you get the drift. 1 HOUR ONLY :woohoo:

I always give my cat threathning looks, lol, sor starters I picked her up from the pound and she does not give me the time of day. lol I always tell my husband that if this embryo does not work Im going to find it and tie it around the cats neck and kick them both, because they both equally can annoy me at times (of course I wount really do that) I have to humour myself at times to keep me going.

After venting for an hour my fellow poster you must get up on your horse and move on. :clap:

Unfortunatley sometimes life is annoying and no matter how good you are and do, things sometimes goes the opposite way. This is where I hug the cat again, until she runs away from me like a bad smell and Im back to square one. lol. Such is life!

Chin up sunshine xx


#7

:grouphug:


#8

Hugs to you. It is such a hard thing…and I think the hardest part is that we are so mad at ourselves for not being able to just be completely and totally happy for our friends and family members when they get pregnant. I’ve been on both sides of this and they honestly both suck. My SIL got pregnant shortly after the dx that my DH had no sperm. It was probably the worst/darkest night of my life when I found out that she would be having her 4th child and I knew DH would never be able to have a biological child. I have never had warm/fuzzy feelings about my SIL anyway so I said some horrible things to my DH about her…it was horrible. We did finally conceive (using donor sperm) seven months after receiving this news, however, my sister was still going through her IF journey at the time and I know my news of pregnancy shattered her. I know this because she told me. It hurt to know that my happiness (especially after an IF struggle) caused her so much pain. I couldn’t fault her a bit because I knew it would have been bittersweet for me too if the tables had been turned.

I’m glad you had a chance to talk this over with your friend. While she can’t understand what you’re going through, it helps her to know she needs to be sensitive about your feelings. Sometimes it just doesn’t occur to people. It’s hard, but the thing I always tried to remember in similar situations is that when it’s your turn to share your news, you will want your friends to be happy for you and not remembering how you reacted to their news. I know in that initial moment (hours), it hurts like crazy though. It’s okay to feel that way though and perfectly natural.

Praying your BFP is just around the corner.


#9

Thank you so much…

I really did need to vent in a safe space. Thank you for understanding EXACTLY the conflict that lives inside happy vs. sad when it comes to friends’ baby news.

And for not thinking I’m an ogre!

Ugh - OK - now I will pick out some yarn to knit a blanket for this pending bundle of joy! Pity Party over!


#10

Jen, this is the right place to vent!
Glad that you are feeling better today. :cheer:


#11

This is a completely normal reaction to an awful situation. I feel the same way when I hear about those with “fertile privilege.” The worst part is feeling guilty because it’s impossible to feel happy for this friend of yours that you love. I even feel resentful of them for having it so easy, although it’s not their fault. Just keep in mind that you are angry, resentful and sad because of the situation and hearing about other’s honeymoon pregnancies rubs salt in the wound and makes it hurt that much more.
Sometimes you have to protect yourself and not be around those friends for a while. It’s good you talked to her about it, although some people will never be understanding despite lots of talking. You don’t want to isolate yourself but sometimes you are very vulnerable and need distance for a short while. After a safe period away, try to talk to her more so that you don’t end up losing a friendship over the situation.