Be honest, do you fear....


wanting it too bad will hurt your chances to conceive? I’ve heard it for SO many years that if I’ll “just” quit worrying about it, it’ll happen. For YEARS… While logically I don’t want to believe it, do you think there is anything to it? Do you think it’s an actually possible that we are doing this to ourselves, just from wanting something so badly?

I know that it’s not the only thing causing infertility, I’m not stupid, I know there are often physical complications… I get that.

But for unexplained infertility, do you think it could be? I just have heard about so many people who try for years and can’t conceive, adopt… and voila, get pregnant. Or give up trying, and get pregnant…

Just wondering what you guys think!!


I’ve heard all of that, too. Honestly, I don’t think it does having anything to do with it. I think things happen for us when it’s our time. I also think sometimes we’re tested to learn lessons and, for me, this is one of them. While there are plenty of people who get pregnant accidentally, there are also people who plan and ttc and get pregnant. So, no, I don’t think you can want it too much and do it to yourself. Now, do I ever worry about it? Yes!! I always feel like I’m going to jinx myself, especially if I think about this time it’s going to happen or think about being pregnant, etc. Those thoughts are totally normal, I think, when you’re dealing with IF. But, unfortunately, for us, we’re the lucky ones having to deal with this difficult situation, which will be resolved one way or another. But, aside from stressing ourselves out too much at times, I don’t think we’re causing our unexplained infertility. My DH and I have unexplained infertility, too. I think when it’s unexplained they just haven’t found the medical cause yet. I totally feel your pain, though, with the wanting it so much. Best of luck and :babydust: !!


In weak moments I wonder if I want this too much, but I believe in God and when people adopt and than get pregnant or stop treatments and get pregnant. They are getting pregnant the way they are meant to. I look at it this way if it weren’t for infertility less children would probably get adopted but maybe when those who are meant to adopt actually do it God rewards them with their biological child. I think its ok to want it with all you have just try to let go of the need to control each step because that will help you “Relax” as everyone says. I’m just learning how to do that so is it works this cycle I will let you know. :slight_smile:


Last night my cousin told me she thought that I had a “brain cloud” (Joe vs. the volcano for anyone who is not familiar with the term). I thought this hypothesis was very funny and I laughed. But I did think about it. Am I doing this to myself? I do have endo but so does she and she recently gave birth do a daughter. She didn’t even want to be pregnant. So although it may sound crazy, your not alone in that though.


Actually, I find these ‘all you have to do is X’ theories that those not suffering from infertility tell us/themselves to be a tad insulting. As if we are responsible for our medical conditions. ‘Unexplained infertility’ means they can’t check off a box and say ‘this is the one reason you aren’t getting pregnant’.

So, no, my having to have an IUI to have my first child wasn’t because I wouldn’t relax, take a vacation, get drunk, or because I was ‘trying too hard’. It’s not even because I didn’t adopt to fix my multiple internal problems. It’s because I was dealt a crappy hand.

It’s almost as if the ‘fertiles’ are saying ‘oh, it’s because you’re doing/not doing x… so it’s your fault! Therefore I don’t have to feel uncomfortable or sorry for you!’. I’ve even had my first loss blamed on having ‘tried too hard’ like that has anything to do with problems in DNA.


I too sometimes feel like I’m jinxing myself by wanting a baby SO badly for years. That’s why I quit telling my close friends everything that was going on with our IF treatments. I got sick of hearing the same thing over and over and it bringing me down month after month. Such as; “It’s your turn to be pregnant next, I just know it will work this cycle!”, “You’re trying too hard, just quit thinking about it”, “Put your legs up in the air afterwards”, “Maybe it just wasn’t good timing”.
I decided to take the positive road and stop letting these comments that I know weren’t meant to hurt me do just that, not hurt me or hinder me. I’m not going to stop “trying so hard” because really, how would I continue IF treatments without putting forth alot of time, effort, and money?!? I am going to put my faith and hope in God and modern medicine and :pray: that it will pay off and we will be able to complete our family :slight_smile:
Lots of love and :babydust: to all of you!


To be 100% competely honest, I’m on the fence on this one. But hear me out. I agree with what all the women have said on this thread, that if we didn’t “try so hard” than it might just never happen. It is up to us, and we want a baby, so we made the intelligent decision to take the next step and seek help from professionals. In my case, I have unexplained infertility. There isn’t anything wrong with me or my DH that my doctors can find that is keeping us from conceiving. So when I get the ever so common response of “it will happen when you least expect it, just stop trying” I do take that to heart. The reason? I have the type of personality that when I can’t have/get something, I obsess and tend to go overboard to get myself there. I received an award when I was in kindergarden for “always trying to be perfect.” That being said, it does create a lot of stress for me, which in reality we all know is terrible for you when ttc. So in my case, I do need to learn to relax and go with the flow better. I think stress alone is a large possiblity I haven’t had a child thus far. But, I will just learn to relax while keeping up with my cycle days, taking my meds, calculating ovulation, during my IUI’s and 2ww’s. :slight_smile: I think there is a happy balance that will eventually get me there, and when I reach that balance, I will be blessed with a child. It will happen for me when it is meant to happen. I have to believe that. :slight_smile:

Good luck to each one of you, and :babydust: to all!


Congratulations on your BFP!!! :clap:


Congratulations on your BFP!!! :clap:[/quote]

Thanks Firefly! I’m being cautiously optimistic right now. The only other time I got pregnant was 11 months ago and I m/c, so I’m really, really nervous. Honestly, I thought this cycle was a bust b/c my DH got sick and our IUI was cancelled. I honestly think the reason I conceived was b/c I relaxed and didn’t stress during my 2ww like I normally do, b/c I was just waiting to start all over again in November. I just :pray: this one sticks. :slight_smile: Good luck to you and lots of :babydust: !


Congrats Amanda!! :bsv: :bsv:
I hope that all goes well for you. When is your next Beta?

I have to say that I definitely feel this way from time to time. I know we all hear the same things from friends and family… that’s why I didn’t really talk to most people about what DH and I were going through… this of course started to drive me nuts. I’m was so :woohoo: to find this site. It’s been such a blessing to be able to reach out to everyone else going through the same thing!! It did almost feel like it was something that I wanted so badly that I would never get it. The entire process is really hard.
Keep the faith ladies! Here’s hoping that there are :bfp: s in everyone’s future!!

I am also cautiously optimistic now… haven’t ever actually been pregnant before so it’s really scarey.
I have my first u/s on 10/30 - I :pray: that our little bean is in a good spot and that he or she hangs on and keeps growing to be a healthy baby! I think I’ll feel better once I can see things on Saturday.


Thanks mgk! My 2nd beta is tomorrow morning. :cross: Good luck with your u/s, how exciting you will get to see your little bean! :babydust: :cross: for you too. :grouphug: