Betrayed and don't know what to do...


#1

Hello ladies. I’m confused and you are my only hope, I know something I can’t share with anybody but you. I’m 36 and I’m married for 10 years. I thought my marriage, my family is perfect but it became clear that I can’t have a baby (it’s a long story). My hubby tried as he might to support me and offered to find a surrogate mother, well I agreed, I like this option more than adoption cause I want to have a baby of our flesh and blood. So we found a clinic abroad and signed for it. We don’t need to pay all money at once as there are 5 installments, each after a new stage of our journey. Well, we made few payments and now just waiting coz our surromother is pregnant. It all goes well, I’m happy…I was.

During the last few weeks I noticed that my hubby was at work till night, he was at home too late and very tired, had a bad mood and I started to worry. One day he was sick and someone was calling him up all day long and when he was in the bath I took his phone and a woman cried my husband’s name asking not to leave her because she is waiting for a baby. I can’t describe my feelings; everything I believed in, everything I loved was stolen. I was blaming myself that I can’t give him a baby, I was scared he could leave me and here we are. I didn’t answer that woman and didn’t tell my dh anything about that call. I’m devastated…we were going to have a baby. The problem is that we can’t tell our dr ‘hey, we’ve changed our mind, we don’t need that baby’, moreover I can’t tell him I know the truth. To be honest, I want that kid so much, even if he/she is his. I don’t know what to do, what if he will say he doesn’t want our kid or even worse. I’m in despair


#2

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868802, member: 87409”]Hello ladies. I’m confused and you are my only hope, I know something I can’t share with anybody but you. I’m 36 and I’m married for 10 years. I thought my marriage, my family is perfect but it became clear that I can’t have a baby (it’s a long story). My hubby tried as he might to support me and offered to find a surrogate mother, well I agreed, I like this option more than adoption cause I want to have a baby of our flesh and blood. So we found a clinic abroad and signed for it. We don’t need to pay all money at once as there are 5 installments, each after a new stage of our journey. Well, we made few payments and now just waiting coz our surromother is pregnant. It all goes well, I’m happy…I was.

During the last few weeks I noticed that my hubby was at work till night, he was at home too late and very tired, had a bad mood and I started to worry. One day he was sick and someone was calling him up all day long and when he was in the bath I took his phone and a woman cried my husband’s name asking not to leave her because she is waiting for a baby. I can’t describe my feelings; everything I believed in, everything I loved was stolen. I was blaming myself that I can’t give him a baby, I was scared he could leave me and here we are. I didn’t answer that woman and didn’t tell my dh anything about that call. I’m devastated…we were going to have a baby. The problem is that we can’t tell our dr ‘hey, we’ve changed our mind, we don’t need that baby’, moreover I can’t tell him I know the truth. To be honest, I want that kid so much, even if he/she is his. I don’t know what to do, what if he will say he doesn’t want our kid or even worse. I’m in despair[/QUOTE]
Oh, darling, I feel very sorry for you. i really don’t know what to say but you love him and you love and want this baby, i mean your future baby. but what if he doesn’t love her or other situation he had one mistake and even didn’t expect that she is pregnant. If so will you forgive him? One thing I want to say that you should wait because i know how you are feeling now. I’ve been trying for a baby for a couple of years and it’s great when you finally holds your baby. i also tried a surrogacy and it was a difficult journey. If I were you I would wait, you never know what you ‘’ ll have tomorrow. Be strong and patient


#3

Thank you almaek! I’m so glad you replied, you don’t know what a relief I feel when someone supports me. I really love him and I’ve already forgave him I think but of course it’s still bitter to recall, not sure I could ever get rid of painful thoughts. Actually I never thought he is able to cheat, I remember he told me when we were not even dating that he despises liars and betrayers. It’s weird, he is very jealous but he made another woman get pregnant. I have so many versions of those events, maybe it’s a mistake or she is blackmailing him or something. I hope he doesn’t love her, but if he does, I’ll just leave. The problem is that I can’t tell him I know the truth…He must make a mistake to be caught and then we can talk. If we broke up and the baby is born, gosh dunno… I’ll wait.


#4

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868806, member: 87409”]Thank you almaek! I’m so glad you replied, you don’t know what a relief I feel when someone supports me. I really love him and I’ve already forgave him I think but of course it’s still bitter to recall, not sure I could ever get rid of painful thoughts. Actually I never thought he is able to cheat, I remember he told me when we were not even dating that he despises liars and betrayers. It’s weird, he is very jealous but he made another woman get pregnant. I have so many versions of those events, maybe it’s a mistake or she is blackmailing him or something. I hope he doesn’t love her, but if he does, I’ll just leave. The problem is that I can’t tell him I know the truth…He must make a mistake to be caught and then we can talk. If we broke up and the baby is born, gosh dunno… I’ll wait.[/QUOTE]
Nooo, don’t tell him he truth because he can make you guilty. once i’ve tried to look at my husband’s phone, i didn’t mean to do something illegal or … i just looked and he atarted to shout at me. but why i don’t know even now. as he was explained it’s my privacy dont touch my stuff/ i’m not saying that you have the same husband but you better dont tell his everything that you know. is it your last month of surrogacy program? if you want to save your baby and good relations you’'ll better wait. hope my advise can help you


#5

What a scum, sorry but i don’t know how he could do that dirty things to you. my first husband ruined my life, he also was cheating with hundreds of girls I guess. i don’t even know what is better, you know like ‘lesser evil’, to f*uck everything that moves not even using condoms in order to infect your wife with chlamydia and to deprive her from ever being a mother naturally or, like in your case, to have a mistress, make her pregnant and possibly to have feelings for her. I don’t know… I really sorry you’ve met him and whatever others say, you need to leave him and it’s desirable to make him unhappy before the end.


#6

[QUOTE=“almaek, post: 1868809, member: 87392”]Nooo, don’t tell him he truth because he can make you guilty. once i’ve tried to look at my husband’s phone, i didn’t mean to do something illegal or … i just looked and he atarted to shout at me. but why i don’t know even now. as he was explained it’s my privacy dont touch my stuff/ i’m not saying that you have the same husband but you better dont tell his everything that you know. is it your last month of surrogacy program? if you want to save your baby and good relations you’'ll better wait. hope my advise can help you[/QUOTE]

maybe you are right, it’s better to keep silence…but on the other hand i have no courage to tell him the truth, at least not yet. Oh, i know that reaction, it means there is something to hide there, 100%. If you are sincere you won’t shout at anyone just because he took your phone, it’s very suspicious.
unfortunately, it’s onle the 21st week of her pregnancy, I have too much time and it makes my position even worse. I don’t know maybe I need to have sort of holidays uin ukraine, my clinic and SM are there. …uff, i’m tired. Still thank you for trying to help, i appreciate you xx


#7

[QUOTE=“minerva71, post: 1868815, member: 87369”]What a scum, sorry but i don’t know how he could do that dirty things to you. my first husband ruined my life, he also was cheating with hundreds of girls I guess. i don’t even know what is better, you know like ‘lesser evil’, to f*uck everything that moves not even using condoms in order to infect your wife with chlamydia and to deprive her from ever being a mother naturally or, like in your case, to have a mistress, make her pregnant and possibly to have feelings for her. I don’t know… I really sorry you’ve met him and whatever others say, you need to leave him and it’s desirable to make him unhappy before the end.[/QUOTE]
it’s so disgusting, i hate when people act like this. but what she can do. if she is waithing for a baby from surro mother and her loving husband cheated her with another who is already pregnant? to my mind, she is better to wain and dont push him. because i dont know how he will react to this


#8

[QUOTE=“minerva71, post: 1868815, member: 87369”]What a scum, sorry but i don’t know how he could do that dirty things to you. my first husband ruined my life, he also was cheating with hundreds of girls I guess. i don’t even know what is better, you know like ‘lesser evil’, to f*uck everything that moves not even using condoms in order to infect your wife with chlamydia and to deprive her from ever being a mother naturally or, like in your case, to have a mistress, make her pregnant and possibly to have feelings for her. I don’t know… I really sorry you’ve met him and whatever others say, you need to leave him and it’s desirable to make him unhappy before the end.[/QUOTE]

Oh, i see you are still angry with him, right? I’m sorry for your troubles, you were so young and it’s unfair. of course, he deserves every word you’ve said about him. I can’t choose between evils, you know no matter which one is lesser, the are still evils. but i can’t leave him, i can’t be alone, i can’t even get a baby when he’s born if i’m not married or if i come without husband…


#9

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868816, member: 87409”]maybe you are right, it’s better to keep silence…but on the other hand i have no courage to tell him the truth, at least not yet. Oh, i know that reaction, it means there is something to hide there, 100%. If you are sincere you won’t shout at anyone just because he took your phone, it’s very suspicious.
unfortunately, it’s onle the 21st week of her pregnancy, I have too much time and it makes my position even worse. I don’t know maybe I need to have sort of holidays uin ukraine, my clinic and SM are there. …uff, i’m tired. Still thank you for trying to help, i appreciate you xx[/QUOTE]
ooh, you here/ the same i can tell you. yeah he was very suspisious( my husband) but i love him. i have no other options. sure, you’d better go to there and have some fun or whatever you like. hope everything goes great


#10

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868802, member: 87409”]Hello ladies. I’m confused and you are my only hope, I know something I can’t share with anybody but you. I’m 36 and I’m married for 10 years. I thought my marriage, my family is perfect but it became clear that I can’t have a baby (it’s a long story). My hubby tried as he might to support me and offered to find a surrogate mother, well I agreed, I like this option more than adoption cause I want to have a baby of our flesh and blood. So we found a clinic abroad and signed for it. We don’t need to pay all money at once as there are 5 installments, each after a new stage of our journey. Well, we made few payments and now just waiting coz our surromother is pregnant. It all goes well, I’m happy…I was.

During the last few weeks I noticed that my hubby was at work till night, he was at home too late and very tired, had a bad mood and I started to worry. One day he was sick and someone was calling him up all day long and when he was in the bath I took his phone and a woman cried my husband’s name asking not to leave her because she is waiting for a baby. I can’t describe my feelings; everything I believed in, everything I loved was stolen. I was blaming myself that I can’t give him a baby, I was scared he could leave me and here we are. I didn’t answer that woman and didn’t tell my dh anything about that call. I’m devastated…we were going to have a baby. The problem is that we can’t tell our dr ‘hey, we’ve changed our mind, we don’t need that baby’, moreover I can’t tell him I know the truth. To be honest, I want that kid so much, even if he/she is his. I don’t know what to do, what if he will say he doesn’t want our kid or even worse. I’m in despair[/QUOTE]
I I despise such people
Why they do these things? you will have one child so there is no need to change something and have sex witj other girl who become pregnant too. what is going on? do they get pleasure from it?
just a shame!! I dvise you to wiat if he does not tell you is better to wait an dthen you will have a child, you own and you will love his or her. wish you be strong


#11

Yes, you have such right. I wish I could know why he did this…but i think he doesn’t know the answer himself. Maybe God punishes him for his sins, if she wouldn’t be pregnant then he could see her often being sure i KNOW NOTHING about his affairs…yes, I think to wait for it somehow to become more clear is better. thank you! lots of love xx


#12

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868824, member: 87409”]Yes, you have such right. I wish I could know why he did this…but i think he doesn’t know the answer himself. Maybe God punishes him for his sins, if she wouldn’t be pregnant then he could see her often being sure i KNOW NOTHING about his affairs…yes, I think to wait for it somehow to become more clear is better. thank you! lots of love xx[/QUOTE]
There is no thanks for me, I just wanted to support you and say that everything will be. I know how you feel and understand that one day it will stop. I believe in it. Keep us informed please about your situation, thank you


#13

oh god! that’s awful…sorry you have feelings for that man, it would be much easier to cope with this if he means nothing to you at all. honey, you need to try and stay strong for you baby. I’ve also been through surrogacy, i know how hard this is for you as you can’t have a child without a husband, and although the fault is his, now it’s you who must try not to spoil everything while looking for truth and justice.
maybe you have some updates? if so, please share!


#14

Dear I can’t tell in words how sorry I am about your situation! How could he do that to you, to your family, to your child… I don’t want to be rude but he is such a jerk! Sweetheart the most important now is your child! Only your desire to become a mother matters. I think you should listen to your heart and decide if you want him to be in your life and be a father of your baby. You have to decide if you want to talk to him about this situation now or later. I think it’s not a good idea to pretend like nothing happened. You will have a child soon. He should decide which family is important for him. I know that everything may seem obvious but there is a possibility that the whole situation is just a mistake. Maybe some crazy woman just wants to ruin your family? I wish you to figure it out so it will be easier for you to move on. Unfortunately statistics show that almost all men are cheating. That’s horrible I should say… I hope your husband made a mistake and he’ll fix it for sake happiness of your family.


#15

[QUOTE=“Dee.R, post: 1868856, member: 86679”]Dear I can’t tell in words how sorry I am about your situation! How could he do that to you, to your family, to your child… I don’t want to be rude but he is such a jerk! Sweetheart the most important now is your child! Only your desire to become a mother matters. I think you should listen to your heart and decide if you want him to be in your life and be a father of your baby. You have to decide if you want to talk to him about this situation now or later. I think it’s not a good idea to pretend like nothing happened. You will have a child soon. He should decide which family is important for him. I know that everything may seem obvious but there is a possibility that the whole situation is just a mistake. Maybe some crazy woman just wants to ruin your family? I wish you to figure it out so it will be easier for you to move on. Unfortunately statistics show that almost all men are cheating. That’s horrible I should say… I hope your husband made a mistake and he’ll fix it for sake happiness of your family.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your support, Dee! I can’t understand how it’s possible but when someone says something rude about him, I feel anger and want to protect and justify him. It’s a strange statistics, I can’t believe men I know can cheat so easily, betraying their women…
I want to become a mother very much but i don’t want to spoil everything. I’m afraid that one wrong word can ruin all my hopes if he says that he don’t want that baby. If not this fact, I would talk to him the day i found out about that woman. And I can’t imagine what’s gonna be with a surrogate mother when she would be told we refused to have that baby… i think it’s too many ‘if’ now.


#16

Oh-h-h, my honey poor girl :-((( I gonna cry. That’s an awful fate being disappointed by significant other while time he must be in role of defensive wall, he must support. It was a destructive blow to the heart I see. But it’s a life which has stones hidden into the depths. A true wisdom is that how we can pardon them. Try to forget it, pay your concentration on your future baby, please, imagine how you will be having fun together, play and feel real happiness together. Maybe it happened wrong everybody could go wrong way. Be strong, dear. As for me I don’t spy I try not to pick up his phone I don’t suspect him but I’m afraid to be disappointed. We’re taking part in surrogacy program in Ukr too. Not bad and affordable option is not it? In what clinic do you pass the program? Is everything allright?


#17

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1869064, member: 87459”]Oh-h-h, my honey poor girl :-((( I gonna cry. That’s an awful fate being disappointed by significant other while time he must be in role of defensive wall, he must support. It was a destructive blow to the heart I see. But it’s a life which has stones hidden into the depths. A true wisdom is that how we can pardon them. Try to forget it, pay your concentration on your future baby, please, imagine how you will be having fun together, play and feel real happiness together. Maybe it happened wrong everybody could go wrong way. Be strong, dear. As for me I don’t spy I try not to pick up his phone I don’t suspect him but I’m afraid to be disappointed. We’re taking part in surrogacy program in Ukr too. Not bad and affordable option is not it? In what clinic do you pass the program? Is everything allright?[/QUOTE]

It’s incredibly sweet of you to share the warmth of your words with me. I’m trying as hard as I can to live my life together with the one, I love most of all and who betrayed me like I deserve to suffer. I’m thinking about sweet child of mine and it really helps me, you’re right. I now also regret my dirty deed…it’s better to know nothing I think. So you’re doing well.
Yeah, I don’t know why people even spend their time looking for surrogacy elsewhere. we’re in biotex, have no problems with it.


#18

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1869067, member: 87409”]It’s incredibly sweet of you to share the warmth of your words with me. I’m trying as hard as I can to love my life togather with the one I love most of all and who betrayed me like I deserve to suffer. I’m thinking about sweet child of mine and it really helps me, you’re right. I now also regret my dirty deed…it’s better to know nothing I think. So you’re doing well.
Yeah, I don’t know why people even spend their time looking for surrogacy elsewhere. we’re in biotex, have no problems with it.[/QUOTE]
People do not like problems. Especially when they pay their money for the absence of problems. When we pay for any medical procedure we need to know that we have a guarantee and we are insured. It’s amazing to be provided with everything you need in another country where you do not know the language and geography, and after all you’ll not be asked about extra payments. I respect that. And Biotex is good in this. Let’s hope that nothing will change our view.


#19

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1869142, member: 87459”]People do not like problems. Especially when they pay their money for the absence of problems. When we pay for any medical procedure we need to know that we have a guarantee and we are insured. It’s amazing to be provided with everything you need in another country where you do not know the language and geography, and after all you’ll not be asked about extra payments. I respect that. And Biotex is good in this. Let’s hope that nothing will change our view.[/QUOTE]
i’m sure nothing won’t change your view I can tell you from my own experience. we were able to choose beetween several clinics. the main issue was money. we looked at one clinic in czech but we saw their list with extra payments and that got our attention. why we should do this ? in contrast we saw prices of biotex and they didn’t ask for any payments except fly tickets what was very convenient for us. and they gave us interpreter and manager who were nice and answered all our stupid questions.
so, we successfully continued our journey there and I wish you the same.


#20

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1869142, member: 87459”]People do not like problems. Especially when they pay their money for the absence of problems. When we pay for any medical procedure we need to know that we have a guarantee and we are insured. It’s amazing to be provided with everything you need in another country where you do not know the language and geography, and after all you’ll not be asked about extra payments. I respect that. And Biotex is good in this. Let’s hope that nothing will change our view.[/QUOTE]

I can’t but agree with you! I think attention and care must be the most important things any clinic should give every infertile couple. Without these ‘services’ there is no hope for future success. Nothing has changed since the last time I wrote here. My DH is still dating that woman. I still don’t know how to act. It’s the 30th week of our SM’s pregnancy, everything is fine, I have my baby’s US and now I know it’s a boy…Jeremy. I go to therapy now and told my DH it’s just because of my anxiety of surrogacy process. Well, it gives him one more hour with that woman…