Betrayed and don't know what to do


#21

[QUOTE=“almaek, post: 1869152, member: 87392”]i’m sure nothing won’t change your view I can tell you from my own experience. we were able to choose beetween several clinics. the main issue was money. we looked at one clinic in czech but we saw their list with extra payments and that got our attention. why we should do this ? in contrast we saw prices of biotex and they didn’t ask for any payments except fly tickets what was very convenient for us. and they gave us interpreter and manager who were nice and answered all our stupid questions.
so, we successfully continued our journey there and I wish you the same.[/QUOTE]
It’s a common thing, i mean additional payments. Very often when looking for information about a clinic you may see how many of them try to hide information about additional fees or unprofitable conditions. Some clinics don’t even have contract samples on their websites; you need to email them to get it and you’re lucky if you have got a reply in a week. The clinic we are with has more transparent services, you’re right.
How do you feel? What’s new?


#22

Now after the recent events I agree with you. I did not know anything about that. Of course I was partly right. Many components make up our comfortwhile we make such hard steps. Translators and drivers really help you a lot to feel calm during being abroad. But finally I understand the meaning of managers’ care. We got it when visited our clinic to choose necessary reproductive program. We’ve done it, signed the contract and made all compulsory meetings. We’re satisfied of that.

Very hurt to read about such confusing and unfair situation you have. I want to talk everything must change in the nearest future, but what I may know for sure. It’s cruel life who can control it? I wish you be wiser and pay all your attention to youк sweet son. Oh, how it terribly sounds. I’m with you, dear.


#23

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1869189, member: 87409”]It’s a common thing, i mean additional payments. Very often when looking for information about a clinic you may see how many of them try to hide information about additional fees or unprofitable conditions. Some clinics don’t even have contract samples on their websites; you need to email them to get it and you’re lucky if you have got a reply in a week. The clinic we are with has more transparent services, you’re right.
How do you feel? What’s new?[/QUOTE]
I’m happy, thanks for asking, dear/ And you? How is your surrogate? Is she ok and baby? Did you meet her? What is your husband? Did he tell you about his “lover” ?Did she call him again? Sorry about my questions
We are happy parents and nothing else. We got what we wanted. We had good treatment, careful nurses, doctors, our manager was great. What to add? And yes, we have healthy baby I think it’s the biggest happiness. Wish you the same. I know your life becomes better
keep me updated please


#24

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1869190, member: 87459”]Now after the recent events I agree with you. I did not know anything about that. Of course I was partly right. Many components make up our comfortwhile we make such hard steps. Translators and drivers really help you a lot to feel calm during being abroad. But finally I understand the meaning of managers’ care. We got it when visited our clinic to choose necessary reproductive program. We’ve done it, signed the contract and made all compulsory meetings. We’re satisfied of that.

Very hurt to read about such confusing and unfair situation you have. I want to talk everything must change in the nearest future, but what I may know for sure. It’s cruel life who can control it? I wish you be wiser and pay all your attention to youк sweet son. Oh, how it terribly sounds. I’m with you, dear.[/QUOTE]
Oh, I was typing my message and didn’t see your. And wanted to add that the service was brilliant, transportation, btw, what kind of package did you choose?


#25

[QUOTE=“almaek, post: 1869152, member: 87392”]i’m sure nothing won’t change your view I can tell you from my own experience. we were able to choose beetween several clinics. the main issue was money. we looked at one clinic in czech but we saw their list with extra payments and that got our attention. why we should do this ? in contrast we saw prices of biotex and they didn’t ask for any payments except fly tickets what was very convenient for us. and they gave us interpreter and manager who were nice and answered all our stupid questions.
so, we successfully continued our journey there and I wish you the same.[/QUOTE]
Exactly so! But I don’t want to overdo with the praise. We are only at the very beginning of our relationship with them. But the impression is already enjoyable. I subscribe to your words. We got the same impression. You had correctly predicted our expectations have not changed. If we knew more about this option last spring, it would be all fine, amazing and warm around.


#26

It’s all ok. You will have a miracle at the end of your journey. I was excited about our trip. All people around were different, different manners of life, language, traditions. Nevertheless, clinic was great and interpreter helped us to overcome these hazards.


#27

Thank you for your kindly words! I hope so! I would like to accelerate this year. I would like to move into the future, when everything is over. And I can be proud of the path we went. And when it’s over, I want to write about this to anyone who needs to know. But how to find the free time then?


#28

[QUOTE=“Mydreammore, post: 1869190, member: 87459”]Now after the recent events I agree with you. I did not know anything about that. Of course I was partly right. Many components make up our comfortwhile we make such hard steps. Translators and drivers really help you a lot to feel calm during being abroad. But finally I understand the meaning of managers’ care. We got it when visited our clinic to choose necessary reproductive program. We’ve done it, signed the contract and made all compulsory meetings. We’re satisfied of that.

Very hurt to read about such confusing and unfair situation you have. I want to talk everything must change in the nearest future, but what I may know for sure. It’s cruel life who can control it? I wish you be wiser and pay all your attention to youк sweet son. Oh, how it terribly sounds. I’m with you, dear.[/QUOTE]

yeh-yeah…they can provide clients with comfort.
Every time I think about probable consequences I can’t get rid of those thoughts. This story has no happy ending…at least I haven’t found one. My baby will stay with me, I’m sure…but I never wanted to be a single mother. Thank you, Mydreamm


#29

[QUOTE=“almaek, post: 1869191, member: 87392”]I’m happy, thanks for asking, dear/ And you? How is your surrogate? Is she ok and baby? Did you meet her? What is your husband? Did he tell you about his “lover” ?Did she call him again? Sorry about my questions
We are happy parents and nothing else. We got what we wanted. We had good treatment, careful nurses, doctors, our manager was great. What to add? And yes, we have healthy baby I think it’s the biggest happiness. Wish you the same. I know your life becomes better
keep me updated please[/QUOTE]

Thanks for asking! She’s doing great! She’s my ray of hope in this kingdom of darkness…I’ve seen her once, she is so sweet. I don’t worry about my baby because of her. I’ve got an email from the clinic today and got an info about their health state, US.
And that story, well, yes. I know they are together…still. Just behind my back. I’m not so brave to tell him the truth, so is he.


#30

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1869215, member: 87409”]Thanks for asking! She’s doing great! She’s my ray of hope in this kingdom of darkness…I’ve seen her once, she is so sweet. I don’t worry about my baby because of her. I’ve got an email from the clinic today and got an info about their health state, US.
And that story, well, yes. I know they are together…still. Just behind my back. I’m not so brave to tell him the truth, so is he.[/QUOTE]
So she’s pregnant, if I’m not mistaken. Gosh, you should tell him. It can last forever.
How long should you wait for a labour? As far as I know, your husband has to be with you at that day and sign all needed documents, right? omg, stressful situation, dubious feelings. If you tell him you know about a lover, nooo… just wait, maybe he will tell you soon. I hope he is not as hard as nails and have human’s heart.
Sorry, I forgot, did you use your own eggs and husband’s sperm or donor’s eggs plus sperm?


#31

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1869215, member: 87409”]Thanks for asking! She’s doing great! She’s my ray of hope in this kingdom of darkness…I’ve seen her once, she is so sweet. I don’t worry about my baby because of her. I’ve got an email from the clinic today and got an info about their health state, US.
And that story, well, yes. I know they are together…still. Just behind my back. I’m not so brave to tell him the truth, so is he.[/QUOTE]
Be strong my dear, be strong all the time. Sometimes the circumstances want to paralyze our confidence and tie our hands, hold on! Don’t allow anybody makes you sad.
You have to cope with it in any case. We are growing up and we must know how wicked life can be. Don’t you know the men? They are all unstable, but able to change their mind.
We’ll wait abit. We’ll wait. And you’ve to try being brave, tough and determined. The playtime is over.


#32

Hello all! i have an update…
i think yesterday was the worst day of my life…and at the same time I feel relieved. my husband told me about his affair with that woman…i don’t know why, maybe he felt I know everything, maybe it’s his sense of guilt…can’t say for sure. anyways, we had a discussion and he came out. he said he had no feelings, true feelings, for her and it was only passion. she got pregnant by accident and he insisted on abortion. I don’t know what i’m supposed to feel at the moment. we were trying for a baby for so long and he has a baby from that woman and he made her do this. I can only feel for her. I’m angry, happy, disappointed, sad altogether. He broke up with her…as he says it’s because he understood it’s me who he needs. He want the baby we are waiting for now. but, damn…i can’t just forget and there is no “happily ever after” for us.
I’m depressed…I wrote to my manager yesterday evening and now I’m, waiting for their reply. I want to know how my SM feels, want to know everything about my baby. It’s 32th week now, not much time has left…
I hope you’re doing well…x


#33

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1869901, member: 87409”]Hello all! i have an update…
i think yesterday was the worst day of my life…and at the same time I feel relieved. my husband told me about his affair with that woman…i don’t know why, maybe he felt I know everything, maybe it’s his sense of guilt…can’t say for sure. anyways, we had a discussion and he came out. he said he had no feelings, true feelings, for her and it was only passion. she got pregnant by accident and he insisted on abortion. I don’t know what i’m supposed to feel at the moment. we were trying for a baby for so long and he has a baby from that woman and he made her do this. I can only feel for her. I’m angry, happy, disappointed, sad altogether. He broke up with her…as he says it’s because he understood it’s me who he needs. He want the baby we are waiting for now. but, damn…i can’t just forget and there is no “happily ever after” for us.
I’m depressed…I wrote to my manager yesterday evening and now I’m, waiting for their reply. I want to know how my SM feels, want to know everything about my baby. It’s 32th week now, not much time has left…
I hope you’re doing well…x[/QUOTE]
if he cheated once he will do that again. or at least he is not the man you should stay with. get the baby, all of the docs and get a divorce.
i am sure you will be really happy raising your child without that dark aura of his!
although i am really sorry for you
who could’ve thought


#34

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1869901, member: 87409”]Hello all! i have an update…
i think yesterday was the worst day of my life…and at the same time I feel relieved. my husband told me about his affair with that woman…i don’t know why, maybe he felt I know everything, maybe it’s his sense of guilt…can’t say for sure. anyways, we had a discussion and he came out. he said he had no feelings, true feelings, for her and it was only passion. she got pregnant by accident and he insisted on abortion. I don’t know what i’m supposed to feel at the moment. we were trying for a baby for so long and he has a baby from that woman and he made her do this. I can only feel for her. I’m angry, happy, disappointed, sad altogether. He broke up with her…as he says it’s because he understood it’s me who he needs. He want the baby we are waiting for now. but, damn…i can’t just forget and there is no “happily ever after” for us.
I’m depressed…I wrote to my manager yesterday evening and now I’m, waiting for their reply. I want to know how my SM feels, want to know everything about my baby. It’s 32th week now, not much time has left…
I hope you’re doing well…x[/QUOTE]
I don’t know what to think. From the one side is amazing you have a support now and grey days are over now from the other you live side by side with a betrayer and remember always this. Anyway you have the object to pay your concentration. And no matter what the awful events are waiting for you in your relations with this man you must care about your future baby. I think baby can completely compensate your lost love and confidence. Be a wise woman, do not lose your hope, we believe in you!


#35

[QUOTE=“Gwineth, post: 1869902, member: 87471”]if he cheated once he will do that again. or at least he is not the man you should stay with. get the baby, all of the docs and get a divorce.
i am sure you will be really happy raising your child without that dark aura of his!
although i am really sorry for you
who could’ve thought[/QUOTE]
Easier said than done…We have been together more than 10 years and we were happy. I know passions sometimes reduces to memories but we’re not strangers to each other. now I’m deeply impressed and can’t take a practical view of the situation…maybe divorce isn’t the right way. he is a father of the child, he has a right to stay a father. I can’t imagine myself bringing up a baby without a father. I don’t want to be a single mother…can’t stop crying. thank you for your support!

I’ve got an email from clinic, more news will be in 2 weeks. Nothing wrong has happened. Well, it’s the only news which makes me smile…


#36

He tries to support me indeed and i need it now like no other…but i wish you knew how hard it is to accept his helping hand. I didn’t tell anybody about it, don’t want other people to talk about him blaming…my feelings are ambiguate, bipolar. I’ve stuck between the devil and the deep sea… and every advice I get makes me feel even worse. Maybe I’m ready to forgive him because of our past and hoping for our future, but I know that society will pont the finger of blame at us. Thoughts of the baby avert my thoughts of situation I’m locked in. Future…I’m afraid of it to be honest.


#37

He’s only a human after all, we all are. Life is full of many unexpected events, I know. I’m not here to mention about this. It’s just usual life’s course. I don’t try to acquit your man but I’ve got no right to blame him. Lots of factors affect our behaviors. Sometimes we can’t notice what does not go right way.

I pray for his reasonableness, I hope he is enough clever and kind to be with you till the end when your child will be in your arm at home. And all docs process will be finished successfully. I guess you need go through the dna tests to transfer your baby home, am I right?

In any case I’m with you, it’s not only your sorrow and misery we’re sharing this, keep our best wishes.


#38

[QUOTE=“Gwineth, post: 1869902, member: 87471”]if he cheated once he will do that again. or at least he is not the man you should stay with. get the baby, all of the docs and get a divorce.
i am sure you will be really happy raising your child without that dark aura of his!
although i am really sorry for you
who could’ve thought[/QUOTE]
But she needs his presence to sign the documents. What if he doesn’t want to help her. According to the legislation of ukraine the father is the one genetically related parent to a baby. She has no right to take the baby away. A bit of stressful process but they have to be together. I hope he is a good man and will understand the necessity of going with her.
Dear, how are you now? What has changed last night? Did you speak with your husband? What did he tell, I know you have no desire to talk about it but you have to solve the current situation.
You should be happy, your baby is fine no worries about it.


#39

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868802, member: 87409”]Hello ladies. I’m confused and you are my only hope, I know something I can’t share with anybody but you. I’m 36 and I’m married for 10 years. I thought my marriage, my family is perfect but it became clear that I can’t have a baby (it’s a long story). My hubby tried as he might to support me and offered to find a surrogate mother, well I agreed, I like this option more than adoption cause I want to have a baby of our flesh and blood. So we found a clinic abroad and signed for it. We don’t need to pay all money at once as there are 5 installments, each after a new stage of our journey. Well, we made few payments and now just waiting coz our surromother is pregnant. It all goes well, I’m happy…I was.

During the last few weeks I noticed that my hubby was at work till night, he was at home too late and very tired, had a bad mood and I started to worry. One day he was sick and someone was calling him up all day long and when he was in the bath I took his phone and a woman cried my husband’s name asking not to leave her because she is waiting for a baby. I can’t describe my feelings; everything I believed in, everything I loved was stolen. I was blaming myself that I can’t give him a baby, I was scared he could leave me and here we are. I didn’t answer that woman and didn’t tell my dh anything about that call. I’m devastated…we were going to have a baby. The problem is that we can’t tell our dr ‘hey, we’ve changed our mind, we don’t need that baby’, moreover I can’t tell him I know the truth. To be honest, I want that kid so much, even if he/she is his. I don’t know what to do, what if he will say he doesn’t want our kid or even worse. I’m in despair[/QUOTE]

Gosh, your story petrified me. I’ve been to fertility forums for a while, and I’ve seen a lot, but your story is the most dramatic of all, probably. I know that turning to surrogacy is always a tough decision, for any family. and even those couples who agreed on surrogacy, not always succeed in treatment from the very first attempt. many couples try again and again. Your surromom is pregnant and that’s already a success. You must be seven up happy, but it seems your hubbie is not. You know, men are so fragile. I don’t even why they call them “the stronger sex”. Men can be emotionally very fragile. I think that women are much more enduring. IMO. Maybe the stress of infertility struggles and fertility treatment was a very tough burden for him, the one that he couldn’t cope anymore. Alone. As far a I understood, everything was more or less fine in your family before fertility treatment. Right?

Well, a tough situation, but it’s not a dead end, I guess. If you love your husband and still want to make up a full family with him, I’d recommend you to try to fight for him. Even if his lover is pregnant, it doesn’t mean that she will over her/be with her/quit you. After all, it doesn’t even mean that they will have this baby.


#40

[QUOTE=“TAZZILA, post: 1868802, member: 87409”]Hello ladies. I’m confused and you are my only hope, I know something I can’t share with anybody but you. I’m 36 and I’m married for 10 years. I thought my marriage, my family is perfect but it became clear that I can’t have a baby (it’s a long story). My hubby tried as he might to support me and offered to find a surrogate mother, well I agreed, I like this option more than adoption cause I want to have a baby of our flesh and blood. So we found a clinic abroad and signed for it. We don’t need to pay all money at once as there are 5 installments, each after a new stage of our journey. Well, we made few payments and now just waiting coz our surromother is pregnant. It all goes well, I’m happy…I was.

During the last few weeks I noticed that my hubby was at work till night, he was at home too late and very tired, had a bad mood and I started to worry. One day he was sick and someone was calling him up all day long and when he was in the bath I took his phone and a woman cried my husband’s name asking not to leave her because she is waiting for a baby. I can’t describe my feelings; everything I believed in, everything I loved was stolen. I was blaming myself that I can’t give him a baby, I was scared he could leave me and here we are. I didn’t answer that woman and didn’t tell my dh anything about that call. I’m devastated…we were going to have a baby. The problem is that we can’t tell our dr ‘hey, we’ve changed our mind, we don’t need that baby’, moreover I can’t tell him I know the truth. To be honest, I want that kid so much, even if he/she is his. I don’t know what to do, what if he will say he doesn’t want our kid or even worse. I’m in despair[/QUOTE]

so sorry to read your story. Life is testing you, starting from your fertility struggles and up to this terrific situation in your family now. Well, you know, any pregnancy no matter natural or surrogacy, lasts around 9 months. It’s quite a long time and anything may happen. Especially, if there were some misunderstandings in your family before. I know a few cases when husbands quit their wives during pregnancy or immediately after birth. What the reason? First of all, I agree with Agnete, men are definitely the weaker sex and not always they can survive all the struggles of their wives pregnancy (women may be weird while pregnant, that’s true). Not telling of surrogacy. This is twice more challenging. No one knows what was on his mind when he did it. In any case, you have to take a decision and this decision will be life defining for you. So don’t make a mistake.