Biological child and now DEs


#1

Hi all, I have a question for you fine ladies. Are there any of you out there who already have a biological child, but are wanting a sibling for your baby and now must seek an ED? How do you make that decision? Will you tell your other child? What variables do you think will be difficult?

For me the idea of using a donor may very soon become my reality. I did not respond whatsoever to the medication this time. I am on my second IVF and they will be converting me to an IUI “if” my lead follicle continues to grow. I am in a sad state of affairs. My hubby has MFI so I don’t see this working out for us in terms of a pregnancy with an IUI. My hubby’s sperm is severely depleted-thus the IVF+ICSI.

Would you be apprehensive at all about choosing to build your family with donor eggs?

Thanks! :confused:


#2

[QUOTE=mlhttc]Hi all, I have a question for you fine ladies. Are there any of you out there who already have a biological child, but are wanting a sibling for your baby and now must seek an ED? How do you make that decision? Will you tell your other child? What variables do you think will be difficult?

For me the idea of using a donor may very soon become my reality. I did not respond whatsoever to the medication this time. I am on my second IVF and they will be converting me to an IUI “if” my lead follicle continues to grow. I am in a sad state of affairs. My hubby has MFI so I don’t see this working out for us in terms of a pregnancy with an IUI. My hubby’s sperm is severely depleted-thus the IVF+ICSI.

Would you be apprehensive at all about choosing to build your family with donor eggs?

Thanks! :confused:[/QUOTE]

Hi, I am so sorry you’re having these struggles… Like most of us who are doing DE we have all struggled to get to this point, but our end goals have all been the same… a child! I was blessed to meet my DH late in my life and had to wait until I was 39 to get try for our first. I was truly surprised that I was able to conceive and delivery a healthy baby girl at 40… So with the economy and my assumption I was a fertile 40 year old we had to wait until I was 41 to try for our second… And WHAM it was so difficult… 3 miscarriages later 2 were natural and 1 was IUI… My FSH level went up to 12 and my RE said if I had alot of money I could continue and do IVF or skip and go right to DE IVF… It was a simple and financial discussion… My DH and I so wanted another child and we only had enough money to try with the best chances… In my mind this child is biologically mine just not gentically mine… I don’t care b/c its our love and nurture that we will give to this child… I will tell the child about its beginnings but I am calling him/her my designer baby… That mommy and daddy wanted you so much that we did all of this to get you… They will have my blood, and be feed my body and they would never have been made except for our love and desire to have them…

I hope my story and journey helps… I am not worried about the future so much as most… I feel when the time comes it will be a natural story of their beginnings and my DH and I will be there to answer any questions… But both children share my DH genetics…

Good luck and please join the DE board… There are so many wonderful women going through this journey…


#3

:slight_smile:

Thanks for your fast reply. That is a wonderful story. I guess I never knew I wanted a family so badly until I had my boy and now I am hooked. Kids are like potato chips, you can’t stop at one! What got me is that it really make me second guess what the RE told me about my stats when I got pregnant on the first try with IVF+ICSI. I just assumed I was better off than they thought, but after this round and almost no response. It stands to reason that I am in fact "infertile’. It’s odd though because a lot of infertile people don’t seem to understand how you can be infertile and have a child. They want to call it secondary infertile. Trust me, I am primary and secondary infertile-lol.

As for Donor eggs, my doctor has not said anything just yet but with my sluggish response last time to meds and my lack of any type of measurable response this time, it stands to reason that they will in mention donor eggs to me. My hubby and I have already discussed it and we are not opposed. I suppose, like you, I would feel they were mine if my blood was coursing through their developing veins. I would imagine there is a lot to be said for nurture :):flower:


#4

Hi,
I conceived my daughter naturally and thought I wouldn’t have a problem with my second. But DD is now 6 and a half and I finally moved to DE. My FSH is around 30, and I had no response to IVF meds. It took me a while to accept DE, but now I wish I had done it sooner! As I am pregnant with DE, and there will be a 7 year age difference! I really wanted to give my daughter a sibling. From all the research I’ve read, I think it is important for the child to know their background, and my daughter is 6, so she understands a lot. I told her we need ‘help’ to have a baby, and will continue to be open with her and baby as they grow older.

You just had a baby a few months ago?? Congrats! I would wait a bit before putting your body through all of those meds. anyway.


#5

O, mlhtcc well I can only be envious to you. I haven’t any biological child and to conceive need an egg donor.
It was very painful to me to recognize that and to take decision to look for my angel. It took time to do this and was very stressful. At first the idea about donation seemed to me very awful but then I changed my mind. And if it’s the only option what to do!
Don’t know what advise you to say or not the child about donation. But I want to wish luck and have a good healthy beautiful child!


#6

I’m in a similar boat. We conceived our son through our 1st IVF and have not been able to get pregnant with a healthy baby either through IVF or on our own since his birth. If I had unlimited time and money, it’s possible I’d still try with mine, but I don’t and I hate how much energy this process takes away from my family.


#7

I too went through the same struggle this year. (I am pg with my OE via our last ditch IVF but we had a donor reserved and ready to go had that come out negative…). The biggest concern for me was how my current DD and a child conceived with DE would perceive the difference. We knew we’d be open from the beginning regarding the fact we’d used donor eggs to conceive, but worried that when the normal sibling rivalry arose the kids would perceive that we treated them differently because of that difference. In the end we decided that all we could do was be as open about it as we could and know that the benefits for us for having a second child outweighed this potential concern.

Good luck with your decision. It’s a really really tough one…

Heather


#8

I have a beautiful DD conceived with my OE. She was about 2 when we started trying for a sibling. She is now 6 1/2 and has twin brothers conceived through DE. I’m very happy we decided to move to DE. I am positive that if we hadn’t, I would be in debt with nothing to show.

I believe that moving to DE was one of the best decisions I ever made. I love the boys just as much as their sister. I plan on telling them as they grow, so that it isn’t a big deal to them.

Best of luck!