cancer robbed me and I am mad


#1

A month ago I found out that I had 5 tumors in my uterus that were growing at an alarming rate. They also found out that i have a serious blood condition and I was dying. If I didn’t take drastic steps, have a total hysterectomy and several other procedures I would die. Without any choice I had the operation and now only 10 days into my recovery i am flaming mad. I am only 32 years old and only have been married for 2 years. My dh and I were going to start the process of bringing a little nugget into our life this winter. He is older and has 2 children from a previous marriage. I think it has hit us both in different ways. Mostly I cry every day and he seems withdrawn from the situation. I realize to him it was harder to watch me go through all the surgeries and procedures. The fact that he almost lost his wife weighs greater on him than me. I just lived it and just went through the motions. We now are having to accept that we will most likely never have a child of our own and it is killing me. I know that there are many people who choose this life but I did not. I feel robbed. I feel lost and unsure of what my life will become. I am sure it sounds silly but this is how i feel. DH says as soon as I am more mobile I will need to go to a support group but for now I thought I would start here and see what others think and feel.
Any advice or suggestions would be great. Thank you in advance.


#2

Christine~

It doesn’t sound silly…not one bit. Your feelings (I can only imagine) are very real and I am sure very normal. I am so so sorry that SUCKY cancer robbed you of the life you had dreamed of and planned for, it doesn’t seem fair at all. I hope that with time and support you will find happiness again. I’ll say a prayer for you. :grouphug:


#3

I’m so sorry dear Christine, just starting life and to have it almost taken away. I’m glad that you have your life. Listen, when you get to your group, you will see that anger is normal and is part of the grieving process. Please see if your husband can run to the library and get books for you to read together while you recover. I can tell you that when you are in a better place mentally you will see that maybe…just maybe you can see past not having a child of your own. Go to different areas and you will see that this site is a perfect place to see how other people cope with loss. Many women/men are robbed from having children. Some even after risking a lot of money, lose their homes and still no child. Comfort yourself that you are courageous to have won your life. Comfort and find comfort in your spouse. Read Read Read. This forum was made for people who have questions. All my hopes…Angie


#4

Christine,

My heart is breaking for you. It is such a blessing that you have your life and a wonderful spouse. I’m sorry your dream of children has been robbed. I hope that you are able to find a support group and that you will find lots more support here on this forum.


#5

I’m so so rry, my heart breaks for you. There are no words that anyone can say to make it better:grouphug:.


#6

Christine - There really are no words to help you get through this, but take comfort in your strength that helped pull you through cancer and know that this strength will help pull you through this too.

I’m so sorry for your loss and agree that cancer is a sucky sucky thing for anyone to have to deal with.


#7

Oh, Christine. I am so very very sorry for all that you’re going through. I’m sure the cancer and surgery was emotionally draining enough without having to deal with the psychogical whammy of infertility. It is TOTALLY NORMAL to mourn not being able to have a biological child. When my 2nd IVF – and last chance of having a biological child – failed, I cried harder than I’ve ever cried in my life.

But once you’ve gotten through the treatment and the mourning, you may find another path to parenthood. For me, it was through embryo donation. And I have to tell you, I’m convinced that I now have the child God meant for me to have. So, hopefully, you’ll find your own way, too. Possibly through adoption or surrogacy or some other way. It doesn’t mean that this time won’t suck beyond measure. But maybe it will allow you to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope you find some strength and support here to help you.

Kathryn.


#8

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is normal for you to be angry and grieve for what you have lost. I know at this moment you are not looking into alternative possibilities for having children, but when you are ready surrogacy or adoption can give you the child you always dreamed of. When my ovaries failed and I knew I would never be able to have any more children, I grieved alot for a long time. Then one day I decided to leave the past behind and move on to a new chapter. This was never my plan for life but I’m realizing now it’s even better than I planned. My daughter is the most beautiful gift i have ever been given. She’s not my biological child and I did not give birth to her but it didn’t matter when I held her in my arms. She was meant to be my child. I hope you are able to find support and peace as you grieve. I will :pray: for you and your husband.


#9

I think it is totally normal to be mad and feel like you were robbed of something important to you. I know it must be hard and now you have no choice to accept something so traumatizing. I think it is still very fresh for you but I would suggest talking to a professional. I am sure this is not something you want to ruin your marriage or your life. When you start healing, do you think you two could consider an alternative to becoming parents? You are so young and I am sure you will always want a baby and have that maternal instinct. So, would adoption be something to consider? Or maybe you just need time. I am so sorry you are going through this and my heart breaks for you. :grouphug: :grouphug: Take time to heal!!


#10

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and support. I know that there may be options in the future and I am keeping hope for than someday. Right now I am working through getting better and moving on from the medical part. I feel a lot better just being able to vent and say it out loud. Thank you all again!