Can't stop worrying and so sad!


#1

I am 5w2d after 8+ years of infertility. Finally pregnant at 40 after 2nd completed IVF. Beta’s were great, there is a possibility of multiples. Ultrasound is schedule for next Wednesday at 6w1d. Why do I feel such doom and gloom right now? I feel a complete and total hormonal wreck right now! I had spotting last night with lower back pain. Today my breast pain is gone. The bleeding has stopped, never anything to get on my pantyliner, only when I wipe. I had no other symptom besides the sore nipples and now nothing. I feel destined to miscarry and forever be childless. I broke down at my family doctor’s office when she asked me how I am doing. Nobody else understands.


#2

Oh woman. :hugs: Look at how far you’ve come!!! You are pregnant!!! You have spent so much time & energy trying to get pregnant I think that maybe you’re just in a little shock. Hang in there. Being pregnant is scary, you will worry about everything. It is ok. Chin up & go find your Due Dates group! :wink: Btw, My boobs never ached or hurt during my entire pregnancy. Everyone is different.


#3

I swear It comes with infertility…worry…and never leaves even after they are born! Congrats on yor BFP. You have to think it WILL work out - otherwise why all the work to get here. It IS hard to believe but we just have to. We have to because it is best for us and baby to think positively. Just like slopes said, I never had any symptoms my entire pregnancy and none this time either. I can relate - I finally had my first ultrasound today and was nervous but only to see that little flickering heartbeat…best feeling ever. You will see your bean and maybe beans too! Believe it and try to enjoy pregnancy-you have worked so hard to get here. Good luck next week!


#4

Awwww I just want to reach through the computer and give you a hug. Nobody deserves this kind of stress, let alone a pregnant woman. But I completely understand…everything feels so fragile!!

A few things that might make you feel better:

I was part of the April 2013 IVF board. We had a record-breaking number of BFPs on there, and the number of twins is staggering. Almost ALL of the twin moms experienced bleeding in early pregnancy. So, that may be a sign you are having more than one.

I only had one put back in, but had very high betas from the start (like you are suggesting). I was worried that a high beta meant something bad, but found an article about how high betas almost NEVER end in miscarriage. Here’s the study, if you want to check for yourself. It compares numbers from 16dpo…my number was 946, which meant I was in the “zero miscarriage” risk. Even though I know there are exceptions to every rule, this study REALLY put my mind at ease. If you had high betas, maybe it will do the same for you :slight_smile:

http://www.squidoo.com/16dpo

I hate to say this, but the worry really never ends. First it’s the 2ww, then it’s the first ultrasound, then it’s making it out of the first trimester, then there’s the nuchal scan, the anatomy scan, possible cord or cervix issues, problems with delivery, NICU time, etc. etc.!! It’s enough to drive anyone crazy. If you truly can’t get past this worry, it might be worth seeing a doctor or counselor. Pregnancy hormones bring out weird issues in people…I had a panic attack on an airplane last week, and the only other time I’ve EVER had a panic attack was during the week after I had our son (post partum blues). It was soooo scary and I had no idea where it came from. Pregnancy can cause anxiety, depression, and all kinds of other things. You don’t have to take meds for it, but seeing a professional may validate your feelings and they might be able to direct you to a support group or some type of exercises that might help relieve the tension that the hormones are causing. Hang in there, sweetie. I have a good feeling about this pregnancy for you :slight_smile:


#5

Thank you so much ladies! I didn’t realize I had any responses, I guess I need to check my settings for email alerts. I am in a much better place these last couple of days. I have only had very minor spotting lately, more than likely from the Endometrin suppositories. It has been such a long road to get here and too much internet reading can be a bad thing. I had to get a grip with myself and realize that IF I do miscarry, it is nothing I did or didn’t do, and all the stress is not good for the baby. It was just such an incredible feeling to finally get that BFP and for anything to jeopardize felt unbearable.

Francesca, Congratulations on your BFP! Your Beta was very high too. You saw the heartbeat so early, that is awesome! Thank you so much for posting that study, that is VERY reassuring. Also reassuring to know that multiples can cause bleeding. I know the worrying is not going to end, but I decided that I am going to do my best to stay calm and just enjoy the fact that I am indeed pregnant! I am not normally such an emotional mess, but I will speak to someone professionally in the future if I feel that way again.

Rosalynn, Congratulations on your BFP! I am so lad tha you got to hear the heartbeat! I can’t wait for that moment. You are right, infertility definitely increases the worry. I was thinking if I was younger and able to get PG the gold old fashioned way, I wouldn’t have been worrying so much. It was the sheer lenght and expense of getting to this point seems to makes the stakes higher, if that makes sense.

Slopes, Congratulations of the birth of your daughter! You are right! I realized that some of my initial symptoms may have been residual fertility drugs that just worked their way out of my system. I am going to go find the Due Dates Group!

Thanks again everyone! My ultrasound is this Wednesday, only 3 days away, and every moment that I get closer to that appointment, the better I feel.