Changing your partner's heart about adoption


I hate that I’m even thinking about this now because I have a beautiful son who is 6 months old from gestational surrogacy. I feel like I spent so much of my older child’s early life worrying about having a second child and I don’t want to go down this path again and potentially miss out on being present for my baby. But…these issues must be considered because as we all know time is not on our side as we try to build our families.

We have one blast frozen and we wish to have a third child. My husband does not want to adopt and I am not keen to do another IVF cycle and suffer through the ups and downs of surrogacy (especially since we did our surrogacy in India and it’s a little complicated with travel and I will be 37 next year). We don’t want another baby for another three or four years. My husband wants me to go back to India next year to cycle again and freeze embryos before I get any older. I would like to transfer our last blast in a few years and if we get a negative then consider adopting.

I am adopted, although I don’t think that has much to do with my desire to adopt. As much as I would love to do an FET and have it work, I feel very positive about adoption and would love the opportunity to be a mommy to an adopted child.

This forum is such a great source of support and knowledge. Has anyone’s partner ever changed their mind and warmed to adoption? How do those feelings evolve? I’m not looking to persuade my husband to do something he doesn’t want to do. He’s the most wonderful father and husband. But if I say no to another cycle (and he would be disappointed but absolutely respect my decision), and we did our FET and had a negative, could he change his mind? I know we can never predict with certainty how people will behave, but I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences coming to this decision, particularly with a reluctant spouse.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to respond to me.


Did your DH say why he is not interested in adoption? Maybe understanding his resistance can help you figure out a way to make a break through with him? This is my humble uninformed opinion not knowing you or your DH, I think your situation is unique. On the one hand you were adopted so he can see that you turned out just fine and that adoption was a good thing. On the other hand it may be a bit harder because you already have two children and he knows that it is possible for the two of you to have your own children through some form of ART. I think he may be more open to it if you were not succesful if you tried your FET or some thing else later. Did you have any issues or struggles because you were adopted? I am only asking because if so, he that could be a reason why he is hestitant to do it. Good luck. I hope you find a solution that works for both of you.


My husband was against adoption until he saw what I went thru with all my IF treatment and drugs. After I researched it and gave him info on it he was much more receptive. I was the one who interviewed agencies and called for information though.