Coping with the Anxiety of Infertility


#1

Hello all,

I’m writing out of desperation today. I’m 32, and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant naturally for several years now, and because we travel so much, we haven’t been able to sit down and consult specialists yet.

We are going to move to our home country in a few months, settle down, and seek help and treatments which is something very hard for us to accept, since we have wanted to conceive naturally for so long.

As the time for testing and treatment is approaching, I seem to be more and more obsessed by still trying to conceive naturally, and every single months, my mood and emotions swing like an incomprehensible roller coaster…

When I have my period every month, I usually feel some sort of paradoxal relief. Relief because part of me feels I am not physically and emotionally ready for pregnancy. Relief because since I am not pregnant, I don’t have to care about what I eat and drink as much as if I were pregnant. Relief and hope that I still have time to get in shape and better prepare for pregnancy.

Then with the ovulation window of my cycle, comes the trying and the hope. A few days after my period, we resume sex and I usually know when the time comes for trying a little harder than usual.

Finally, a few days before my period starts again, comes the intense anxiety and obsession. I’m scrutinizing my body, feelings and even dreams for signs and symptoms. I am completely obsessed and even convince myself that I must be pregnant… I don’t sleep well, I fantasize, I worry and I obsess. And I don’t know if it is not being pregnant that I’m afraid of, or actually being pregnant…

This last phase is particularly painful. My level of anxiety is unbearable. I go from excitement, through uncertainty, to crying and even anger. I end up spending money on useless and countless ovulation and pregnancy tests each month, and find myself taking my anger out on others at work or at home. I think this phase is also accentuated by the pre-menstrual hormones causing slight depression perhaps. At the end of my cycle I feel totally hopeless… Then comes my period, and I jumpstart my engine again into motion and motivation.

It’s a vicious circle. I know the only solution is confronting our infertility by getting out of these patterns, and getting help.
But I’m in a lonely place and I was wondering if other women have gone through similar situations. I don’t usually speak much of these problems to anyone outside of my couple, and I don’t really have anyone to speak to. I feel insane at times, and overreacting way too much. I need to distance myself from these situations, be more relaxed, and laid back. But it’s not easy. I’d also like to adopt but my husband wants to have a biological child first… I guess this makes me feel even more misunderstood and isolated. I just want to be a mother really, more than anything. This is the only thing we don’t agree on. For all the rest, we have a pretty good communication and comprehension of each other, although we are different of course.


#2

I also would like to add an important thing: I’ve already had 3 miscarriages which greatly adds to my fears, sadness and emotional turmoils…


#3

Hi Spandia,

I’m so glad you are here and being open about your situation. These infertility battles are rough and you need people in your corner that “get it”.
For me, going to a specialist (in particular, a GOOD specialist like the new one I just found) did wonders. Just hearing a PLAN from the mouth of a Dr. boosted my confidence. Previous to this I had gone to a regular OBGYN for far too long for help and then switched to a RE specialist, but then quickly moved states. So I was back the monthly roller coaster of hope and disappointment and us trying on our own. Now that I’ve found a RE Specialist that had great reviews online and lived up to them in my recent appointment, I feel like I’m more in control. I realize that things aren’t automatic or perfect working with a Dr and I figure that I still have a long road, it’s just nice to have a professional talk to me about it.

Start researching best Specialists in your area so you’re ready to start with one when you move. I think it will help you more than you realize to talk to one. Also, I wouldn’t be too worried if you deliver a child that was conceived naturally, or through medical help. In the end you will have a child you love.

As far as not always being sure if you want to be pregnant or not, it could be the fear of miscarrying again. It could also be other life ambitions and thinking that you are “giving up” other things when you start having children. I don’t know if your travel is for work or fun, but I love to travel and have trips as plan B’s in case my plan A of having a baby doesn’t happen right away. Every once in a while plan B sounds so great that I wish I could have plan B happen and then plan A right after. …I don’t know if that makes sense, but maybe it’s something like that. Either way, your health is important so I recommend seeing a Dr. as soon as you can.

I hope everything works out for you soon!


#4

It’s kinda awesome to know someone else has been on the same roller coaster. Finding a specialist that I trust helped me to minimize the highs and lows. It’s still a ride, but I don’t get as anxious or depressed or angry. I hope you can find the right specialist and he/she can bring you some comfort.