DE after age 45?


#1

Hi, all,

I haven’t been on the forum for a while, but I’ve been doing a lot of reading about this process and trying to decide if it’s right for me. It seems that most women here are much younger than I am, so I’m finding it hard to find posts from women close to my age (just turned 47) who have used DE or are planning to.

Could anyone out there who’s done this at age 45 or later please share your experiences? If you’re already pregnant or have had your baby, have you encountered nosy questions from people about how you conceived, and whether it was DE or not? (I’m really curious whether what the LCSW told me is true, that at my age “everyone will know.”)

I’m also interested in whether wny of you had mild hypertension going into this, and how you managed it during pregnancy.

Thanks!


#2

There are several women in their 40’s/50 that have been successful w/ DE! I don’t know if “everyone will know” is really true, as I think most in the non infertility world have no idea of all the options out there. I’ve never had anyone ask me. For all they know, you froze your eggs years ago. Quite frankly its not their business and if someone asked I would probably reply, we have been trying for many years and it is a true blessing/miracle! Wishing you lots of good wishes.

I highly recommend that you post your questions/post on the forum that is most active here…

http://forums.fertilitycommunity.com/donor-issues-egg-sperm/2020184292-ivf-cycle-de-ii.html

Everyone is very knowledgable and helpful on this thread, I am a member going 4 years strong!
I

[quote=qp101]Hi, all,

I haven’t been on the forum for a while, but I’ve been doing a lot of reading about this process and trying to decide if it’s right for me. It seems that most women here are much younger than I am, so I’m finding it hard to find posts from women close to my age (just turned 47) who have used DE or are planning to.

Could anyone out there who’s done this at age 45 or later please share your experiences? If you’re already pregnant or have had your baby, have you encountered nosy questions from people about how you conceived, and whether it was DE or not? (I’m really curious whether what the LCSW told me is true, that at my age “everyone will know.”)

I’m also interested in whether wny of you had mild hypertension going into this, and how you managed it during pregnancy.

Thanks![/quote]


#3

Haha, I think anyone that has ever struggled with fertility would know that you used DE, and think “good for you”! And those that haven’t struggled- probably don’t know what donor eggs are. I told my poor sister in law that we used in vitro because I wanted her to know in case her husband ends up with the same struggles as mine. Her response was that they were going to wait a few more years. She’s already 35! I think until you’ve faced troubles with it, most people are pretty clueless about human reproduction.


#4

Godiva4me - Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll try to post this on DEII. I hadn’t thought about the fact that we could have frozen our eggs years ago - thanks for pointing that out! It makes me feel a little better, anyway. You’re right, it’s no one’s business, but certain people in DH’s family are VERY nosy and pushy and will pry for sure. One of his cousins has told us that she tried so hard for a baby in her early and mid-40s, and got BFP 3 times naturally but MC each time… she’s probably the most knowledgeable person in the family about it because she wanted a baby so much herself, but didn’t have the money (I think) to pursue IVF.

Family4Us - Thanks for your thoughtful reply! I love your “Heck yeah!” comeback! :slight_smile: I’m using a large, prominent clinic, but I don’t have anything to judge it by except that my OB/GYN recommended it. Plus it’s a few minutes from my house, which is a huge advantage for all those blood draws, etc. that I’ll have to do.

Annamax - You could be right about people being clueless, since I certainly was, and I’m a woman who reads tons of women’s magazines all the time! Granted, they’re not geared toward infertility or having kids, but still, they usually touch on health issues. Maybe the LCSW at the clinic thinks that everyone will know because everyone she knows would know – but in the general public, maybe that’s still not the case…?

Are you all planning to tell your children about the DE?


#5

I am 45 and have a beautiful one month old baby girl by DE. Several people have assumed we used IVF, but no one had made any reference or comment to DE. The only person who asked was my ob at my first visit. I don’t think it is something most people think about. Good luck!


#6

I am 45, too. I have a 22 month old and a 3 month old both from DE. We did tell people when we were pregnant with #2 that she was a frozen embryo from the cycle that produced our son - truth - but, no one ever inquired how we had him. My OB knows, but my regular Dr never asked, so I never volunteered the information as it seemed irrelevant to my general health. Frankly, most people only reference IVF with the Octomom:eek:. No one really understands this fertility stuff except those of us in the trenches. And, if someone had directly asked me, I would have just looked blankly shocked at their question and replied, “what would make you ask me such a personal question?” Seriously, how you make your baby is your personal business unless you choose to share.


#7

Hi!

I am 44, single, and currently in 2ww. Early last year I decided to really work on becoming a mom before it was “too late”, but my boyfriend said he definitely didn’t want any children. Of course, I was incredibly sad, but determined, now knowing it would have to be with donor sperm.

So, I began reading, told my ob-gyn and he referred me to a RE. Immediately, he explained the procedures and probabilities; then, he made and US and found fibroids that required surgery. In minutes, everything changed from UIU to ivf.

I also had a AMH test done. Needless to say, my AMH was low (4% chance of success with my own eggs, which confirmed the ivf with DE). Once again, I was devasteded: no genetic link to me nor to my boyfriend!! But I decided to go on with it.

With my story, there was no doubt there would be questions. Even if everyone tought it was my egg, I would have to explain the “he is not the father” part. With that and everything I’ve read, I was sure that, in my case, being open about it was the way to go.

Eventhough I am sure I will eventualy tell eveyone, and expect to receive all kinds of questions, so far, I haven’t told anyone but a very few friends (no family). I will only tell them when this works (this is my 4th attempt). Plus, I live in Mexico, where it is even more uncommon to know about anyone doing ivf, let alone donor sperm or donor eggs.

In my experience, not telling has been really hard. I certainly do not want this for the rest of my life (even if it were possible). I am sure there will be unwelcomed comments, but I fugure that’s their problem, not mine, and I will do my best to not make them my child’s.

Of course, everyone is different and every case is singular. One thing is for sure, if you desire so bad to be a parent, you will be one, regardless of others!!

I just wish the best for all of us trying.:babydust:


#8

My11:11wish - I already checked with my insurance company, who said that they would have covered IVF (I don’t know how many cycles) with my own eggs, but they don’t cover anything with DE! Just my luck… makes me all the madder than I never knew about the cutoff age, so at least I could have frozen my own eggs.

pks - You’re incredibly brave to go this alone! I’m so sorry to hear that your BF isn’t supportive, but I’m sure you’re more than strong enough to handle it. Best of luck to you!!


#9

My11:11wish – Do you mind if I ask what kind of insurance you have? It’s not like I can switch at this point, but I’m just curious. You never know, this might end up taking longer than I think and then I will have a chance to switch over. The clinic told me that most (I don’t know what that means exactly) of the preliminary screening tests would be covered by my insurance. The consultations with the doctor have been covered as specialist visits. I don’t know about the drugs for cycles – are those usually covered under Rx plans??? I haven’t asked anyone about that.