It’s been a long road for us, and it’s really time to just stop. In addition to our grown-up kids we have one 3 year old miracle daughter through Embryo Donation. After 4 unsuccessful attempts to have another after her, my husband and I are in agreement that we are ready to move forward and not keep beating our heads against this particular brick wall.
I came to this point a long time ago. Before our last attempt, actually. My husband wasn’t ready to give up and wanted to put off the decision until now, but he’s ready to accept being done now too. I really am ready. I would be 40 and my daughter would be 4 by the time we could bring forth another theoretical child (at the soonest). As much as I really wanted to raise two children together instead of just one, I’m not really anxious to try to balance a newborn and a 4 year old at the same time. If I could give birth to a 2 or 3 year old next year, I’d probably do it, but that’s obviously not how things work. Besides, I am also at the point where I’m not sure I want to be pregnant again at my age. My head is fully on board with quitting at this point, and my heart is most of the way there.
In spite of all that, it’s really hitting me kind of hard to accept that I’m really really really done. I’m never going to nurse another baby. I need to start getting rid of the baby things we optimistically held onto after our daughter. How do you deal with that stupid mixed-emotion feeling of being relieved to be done and still in the back of your head calculating maternity care costs while shopping for health insurance?