Dealing with SIL, need to vent


So my DH only has one sibling, a sister that is is 9 years younger than me and 7 years younger than him. This woman is driving me nuts!!! She won’t stop telling people about our infertility and at this point we don’t want the whole world to know and when we are ready, we want to be the ones to tell them. I had my DH’s cousin’s baby mama come up to me and tell me that my SIL told her we asked her to carry the baby for us. Now, she has brought up surrogacy a million times but we’ve told her over and over, no. Not only is she not medically suitable (she barely carried her 2nd child to term and has a seizure disorder) but I can see her thinking that she’s in charge of our baby if she carried it for us. Not too mention, we are not even close to resorting to that, in fact, I don’t think DH would actually ever be comfortable going that route. Well, I kept my mouth shut then and when I heard her mention it to someone else right in front of me, I told her that our RE wouldn’t allow her to be a surrogate because of her medical issues. So then we’re at a benefit for DH’s cousin a few weeks ago and this 2nd cousin who I’m talking to for the first time pretty much (she was at our wedding but that’s the only time I’ve seen her) starts telling us that my SIL was telling her about our problems. Are you friggin’ kidding me!!! DH was just as pissed as me this time. So the following week he calls her about it and she claims that this cousin and his aunt were talking and couldn’t believe we’d be happy with just our dog and not have children so she just let them know that wasn’t true and that we’ve been trying. She apologized and said maybe she should have just stayed quiet. DH was so proud of her for excepting blame and apologizing (a very rare occurrence). Well, the next day he gets an email from her saying she though about the situation and she is very bitter about it and why aren’t I women enough to call her myself and tell her about it instead of crying to him and that’s she’s question my intentions and character and just all sorts of stuff. Well needless to say, we were both pissed!!! DH called her because it’s his sister and we were both mad about her talking and he could talk to her in a polite way whereas I would’ve have gone off on her. Not to mention, his cousin’s benefit wasn’t the place to confront her on it like she seems to think I should have done. Plus, I hadn’t shed a single tear over it, I was just angry. Well, we get this email when we’re away on our only weekend away this year so needless to say, put a bit of a damper on it. He called her on our way home and apparently she just kept saying crap about me so he finally just handed the phone over and I went off on her. She claims that she knows exactly how I feel about infertility because she had problems holding on to her pregnancy, I don’t agree because she has 2 children. Plus she’s all upset because SHE had planned on being an aunt by now and SHE didn’t think she’d have children before her brother. I am so frustrated because I hate putting my husband in the middle but I can’t be like the rest of them and say that’s just how she is. If she was any other person she would’ve been cut out of my life by now. Anybody else had to deal with something like this? Thanks for letting me vent!


I hear what you’re saying, we just thought that she was one of those people that we could trust. Apparently not though. We haven’t had any treatments because of June because of lack of money but because she knows of the issues, she tells everyone. We have tried nicely and not so nicely to stop telling people. Hopefully now that I blew up, she really will. I didn’t want to go there, but being nice wasn’t working. :frowning: