Debating use of donor sperm


#1

Hi all! We found out about 6 months ago after many procedures that my hubby has no sperm. After much grieving and are now on the topic of donor sperm. We have even applied at a sperm bank and have been searching donors. Some days I am sooo excited to do this and begin our family, but others days scared that we’re just being selfish by doing this. I worry that when our child finds out (we most definitely plan to tell him/her) they will be so upset with us and we won’t be able to explain why we chose this path for our family. I also fear HOW we will tell our child. I am just so confused. My husband does not want to adopt and wants to go the donor sperm route. I just want to make sure that all of my concerns are cleared up before we go forward with this. Anyone out there who as used donor sperm, had the same anxieties before?


#2

We used donor sperm (and donor eggs)! I’d recommend taking some time to digest and reconcile all of your feelings. While there are always questions, you will likely come to terms with the decision and very shortly after…you will find excitement! We are nuts about our twins! We will disclose their “origins” with them when they can understand and just hope they realize just how wanted and loved they were!

Take some time, then go for it! The future can be dealt with in the future…


#3

There are also a lot of books for children about egg/sperm donation that help you to start the conversation with them early so that it doesn’t come as a big shock later on. I can’t recall any specific titles right now, but if you search on Amazon, you will find them.


#4

We weren’t totally in your position, but when we were told our only options were IVF w/ICSI or donor sperm we didn’t think we could afford the IVF route so did have a touch of the fears you speak of. We ended up saving and went the IVF route, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone and having your hubby being on board with the sperm donor is, I think, one of the hardest parts and a serious positive step. Hope you are able to resolve your fears as much as is possible and have for excitement for your future family.

Just wanted to wish you luck and lots of :babydust: :babydust: !!!


#5

Thanks for your response lucyddr and congratulations on the twins!! I am completely new to this site, but would love to ask you a few more questions about your journey and decision to start your family the way you did, if you’re willing. Is there a way to “chat” or is responding to this thread the way to go?


#6

Hi edlil

I’m hoping you get replies to this thread (I’m not sure how that works) and will get this. We are just now switching over to donor sperm (well sort of did then didn’t …but will be using our frozen donor sperm embies soon). We were pretty well given “the donor talk” right away but decided to try w DH a few times first. So actually did 2.5 IVFs w his super DNA compromised sperm (2 BFN, 1 no embies to use) and now we have decided to stop delaying the inevitable and just go donor so we can move forward w our lives. We did half DH and half donor sperm our first cycle and that’s where we got our two frozen donor embies. We had planned a freeze all from the beginning that cycle. I totally understand all your fears as I’m having all of the same ones and its just overwhelming to think how this might play out and change our lives or that of our future child. I try not to freak out about it and think we will just handle it as it comes but it’s a BIG decision. I try to stay committed to it as if anyone will waiver that is DH and I understand this for sure. For him it’s like the ultimate sacrifice for me. He wound just choose not to have a child w his scenerio. Well there is alot to share if you want to, so please feel free to PM me on this site
Ps I’ve been through the donor selection process so can give you my opinion on that if you’d like. Good luck!


#7

Edlil- It sounds like we’re in a pretty similar situation. We’re still going through some testing on my husband, but it’s looking pretty likely that he has no sperm and the TESE surgery won’t even an option. So, while we’re waiting on the last testing results, we’ve discussed moving forward with donor sperm.

I’m feeling a lot of the same emotions as you. How do we tell our future children? Who do we disclose this information to - just close family? Anyone and everyone because we shouldn’t be ashamed? It breaks my heart to know that my husband will hurt every time a stranger says, “He/She has your eyes” and him knowing that he genetically won’t be sharing anything with our children.

Have you proceeded any further since your original post here?


#8

If our IVF with CSI fails, we are considering donor insemination. I would love any insight from those of you who have gone thru the process before. Feel free to PM me if you don’t want to post publicly!


#9

[QUOTE=“edlil, post: 64306, member: 75905”]Hi all! We found out about 6 months ago after many procedures that my hubby has no sperm. After much grieving and are now on the topic of donor sperm. We have even applied at a sperm bank and have been searching donors. Some days I am sooo excited to do this and begin our family, but others days scared that we’re just being selfish by doing this. I worry that when our child finds out (we most definitely plan to tell him/her) they will be so upset with us and we won’t be able to explain why we chose this path for our family. I also fear HOW we will tell our child. I am just so confused. My husband does not want to adopt and wants to go the donor sperm route. I just want to make sure that all of my concerns are cleared up before we go forward with this. Anyone out there who as used donor sperm, had the same anxieties before?[/QUOTE]
Hi, dear! I’m so sorry for your husband. How could this happen to him? May be mump disease or something? But if this IS the case for you than do you best to treat your mind, body and soul on the point. Seems like you still cannot make head or tale of the problem. I guess I know why your hubby is against adoption. He must want to have a baby biologically related to you at least. In the case of adoption this will be a baby of no genetic ties to both of us. I think he might blame himself on the point and wants you not to feel the same. As afterall you’re in the case of male fertility issues.
Just take time to get used to the idea. There is nothing weird about the donor sperm. Couples use it rather widely and find it a good way out. Do not be that anxious about telling your baby about his father in future. Who knows maybe you’ll change your point of view by that time. You should better concentrate on today’s issues doing what you’re supposed to do right now. Not in the years’ period.
Also your hubby has nothing against donor sperm. This must bring a relief to you anyway. Talk to more people in the same boat with you. I believe they’ll be rather supportive ones. I wish you both all the luck in the world. Go straight to your dream, I’m sure you’ll succeed soon. Sending strong hugs xx


#10

Many couples seek donor sperm, if the male partner is not producing enough sperm for conception. Sperm donation is the commonly used method for treating infertility to help conceive of women if the male partner has inherited diseases, women in homosexual relation and by single women who want to conceive. The donated sperm is used in the IUI and IVF procedures for fertilizing a woman’s egg inside her body. Every hospital has registered members for donating sperm. There are some pros and cons with the sperm donation infertility treatment.
[B]Pros[/B]
[LIST]
[] Makes the conception a very easy process if the donated sperm is healthy and it is the most effective method of conception.
[/LIST]
[LIST]
[
] Woman and her partner have the choice of choosing their own donor who resembles them.
[/LIST]
[B]Cons[/B]
[LIST]
[*] Checking of the medical history of the donor is compulsory for avoiding some infectious diseases to the child and the mother.
[/LIST]