DH uneasy about having to do his part


#1

Does anybody else have experience with a husband that is freaking out about having to “do his deed” at the doctor’s office? I mean come on…after all we go through, and he wants to get weird about something he’s done willingly since he was probably 12?


#2

DH definitely felt a little odd about it, when he had to go in. I think it’s the fact that the people there all know exactly what they’re going in to do that freaks them out. Just be patient. He’ll manage to get the job done.


#3

[COLOR=“Blue”][FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]My DH wasn’t thrilled about the idea either - but as we’ve had to do this several times, he’s become an “old pro”. DH did comment that the “material” provided was horrible and really of no help - he swore the movies were from the 70s. After realizing how bad the “materials” wore after the first time, we picked some up for him and brings his own “stash”. He has found that this is truly being done for a “medical purpose” and the staff at the office doesn’t even flinch - it’s more matter-of-fact.

We joke about it after the fact, but prior to, I don’t bring it up. I know he’s nervous enough as it is. [/FONT]


#4

I do need to be more sensitive to the matter


#5

I’m not sensitive at all! Compared to what I’ve been through, my DH has had a cakewalk!

My DH is also a pro. Apparently, our doc always has the newest issues of Playboy and Penthouse. So, my husband at least has something to look forward to! He says it’s not bad, but he’s always worried someone is going to barge in on him (even with the door locked)!

Best wishes!


#6

It took almost 6.5 years for my DH to do his test. Is there a way your doctor will let your DH do the test at home and drop it off at the office? That’s the only way we were finally able to get it done. There is liquid that you can put in the specimen cup to preserve the specimen if you can’t get it to the office within an hour…our RE office gave some to us.

Good luck!


#7

If you live very close to the RE then do the deed at home instead of doctors office. They will tell you how soon to get the sample at their office.

For us we live 2 1/2 to 3 hr away from our RE so we get us a nice hotel too stay the night before an go by the RE office too pick up the stuff so when the next day comes my DH does his deed at the hotel an we take it in. Our hotel is only 2 mins away an when my DH does his deed I put the sample between my breast took keep them nice an warm.

Good Luck…:paw:


#8

i hear ya

My DH wasn’t thrilled about having to do this either (for the sperm analysis, IUIs or IVF). That said, the first time he did it at home and we brought the sample in, the numbers weren’t that impressive. When he provided the sample at the RE’s office, much better. So I’m thinking we didn’t do a great job of transporting, even though we followed the instructions we were given to a T. I guess maybe the take-home is that, if it’s at all possible to try to get him to do it in the office. To second what others have said, you can tell him that the drs and nurses at the clinic won’t think twice about it. There are guys in there doing this every day (!!) so it’s no big deal to them. If you’re aggravated with him, you might offer to switch places-- he can do all the shots, blood work, peeing on sticks that you have to do in this process and you’ll take his place. Hmph.


#9

Well I didnt figure I was alone, glad to read it! Thanks everyone for your feedback!!


#10

We live an hour and 15 minutes away from our RE office. Although they said you should live within 30 minutes to do it at home…my husband always did it at home and I drove the hour trip with his sample in between my legs (nice and warm). He once had to do it in the office…I was waiting FOREVER in the waiting room for him to be done…I thought he would never come out of there. So I would suggest if possible doing it at home. His numbers were always high…and I’m pregnant with twins now…so it worked.

I have NO SYMPATHY for the men in this case…I would pay to have my part be going in a warm and “taking care of business” rather than have my lady parts spread eagle sometimes several times a week!!

Summer


#11

If you live nearby to the RE’s office, you can try at home. You are not the only one. My 1st IUI, they have to cancel at the last second, after I took all the medicines, because my DH could not produce in the hospital atmosphere:(

Later, our RE advised us to bring from home (they gave all packaging etc.) and to keep at body temp when we are driving to the hospital- for example keep between your thighs or holding inside your dresses… and we kept frozen the sperm always as a backup. Its embarrassing for some men - you have to understand…


#12

If you live nearby to the RE’s office, you can try at home. You are not the only one. My 1st IUI, they have to cancel at the last second, after I took all the medicines, because my DH could not produce in the hospital atmosphere:(

Later, our RE advised us to bring from home (they gave all packaging etc.) and to keep at body temp when we are driving to the hospital- for example keep between your thighs or holding inside your dresses… and we kept frozen the sperm always as a backup. Its embarrassing for some men - you have to understand…


#13

My DH is sitting by me and is saying that even when he had to “perform” in a hospital lab’s restroom, it wasn’t too terrible. My DH says that our RE’s office has a room at the end of the hall with a nice recliner chair with protective pad, dim lighting, a volume control on the music speaker, a table, and “new” magazines. He says the staff has always been super professional and that it is NOT a bad experience.

I guess undressing from waist down 3-4 times per week, having ultrasounds during AF, sitting for many minutes in stirrups waiting for a procedure, etc. is nothing compared to having an orgasm in a cup with a Playboy!

Sorry…but I’ll NEVER feel sorry for men in this situation! (And we started this process as severe MFI, so I was going through all of this for him! Now…we are both flawed!)


#14

When Dh and I first started the process, he needed a semen analysis just to figure out where we stood. So it wasn’t for and IUI or IVF or anything. We were sent to a lab. We get there and they told him to go into the bathroom that was off of the waiting room. The walls were paper thin and he could hear everything that was going on in the waiting room so he assumed they could hear everything he was doing. He was traumatized and needless to say, we didn’t get our sample that day. We went to our RE and paid out of pocket to do the SA at their offices instead of a lab and he was able to get it done. They had the traditional room with all of the necessary “reading material”. He is still traumatized by that first experience so it’s always nervewracking when the time comes. I think it’s totally normal for aguy to be freaked out…it’s all mental and once they put up that mental block it can be tough to get them over it.


#15

Despite the fact that women have to go through way more discomforting and sometimes even painful procedures, it’s still all ‘medical’ and something that female patients get done for reasons other than IF. I do feel for men, as ‘fun’ as it may sound, it’s getting an orgasm under the radar of nurses, and the pressure of producing something within a specific amount of time that would determine their masculinity. I’m saying this because my hubby’s SA is super normal, whereas I’m the one who has the problem. Yet, he is the one who has to go through the ordeal of having an orgasm in a strange bathroom with people waiting outside to scrutinize what you’ve produced - all because My body isnt functioning normally. I’d rather go through the U/S than to try to have an orgasm under pressure of time and the anticipation of ‘what will the staff/spouse think of me if I’m not able to achieve one’? That Is Indeed alot of pressure. But then, everyone is different; dont know anyone who considers this as ‘fun’.
As for us, we live 2-3 hrs away from our RE, but we almost never use the room at our Dr.'s office. We either get the sample from the hotel room that we’re staying (which is usually 5-10mins away from our RE), Or, if it’s a day trip, we stop over at a nice hotel where I can have a snack and relax while DH is doing his deed… This way, it’s just me and him who know whats going on inside the bathroom, unlike at the Dr.'s office where EVERY person knows what the purpose of the ‘semen collection room’ is. Hope this helps! Also, all we get from our RE is a cup with a label, no special solution etc - and DH’s SA is always superb


#16

Mandy:

My dh was so uncomfortable about the whole thing that I called the RE’s office and they were ok with us bringing it in with us. They just give you a time frame and a sample cup. I was able to help, since we didn’t do it in the office.:evilgrin: My dh would have willingly had a needle shoved up his pee-hole rather than provide his sample at the doctor’s office. Just try to comfort him and see if you can bring it in.


#17

[quote=sandy1]Despite the fact that women have to go through way more discomforting and sometimes even painful procedures, it’s still all ‘medical’ and something that female patients get done for reasons other than IF. I do feel for men, as ‘fun’ as it may sound, it’s getting an orgasm under the radar of nurses, and the pressure of producing something within a specific amount of time that would determine their masculinity. I’m saying this because my hubby’s SA is super normal, whereas I’m the one who has the problem. Yet, he is the one who has to go through the ordeal of having an orgasm in a strange bathroom with people waiting outside to scrutinize what you’ve produced - all because My body isnt functioning normally. I’d rather go through the U/S than to try to have an orgasm under pressure of time and the anticipation of ‘what will the staff/spouse think of me if I’m not able to achieve one’? That Is Indeed alot of pressure. But then, everyone is different; dont know anyone who considers this as ‘fun’.
As for us, we live 2-3 hrs away from our RE, but we almost never use the room at our Dr.'s office. We either get the sample from the hotel room that we’re staying (which is usually 5-10mins away from our RE), Or, if it’s a day trip, we stop over at a nice hotel where I can have a snack and relax while DH is doing his deed… This way, it’s just me and him who know whats going on inside the bathroom, unlike at the Dr.'s office where EVERY person knows what the purpose of the ‘semen collection room’ is. Hope this helps! Also, all we get from our RE is a cup with a label, no special solution etc - and DH’s SA is always superb[/quote]

Maybe I should give consideration to him doing it at home. We are 20 minutes away from our RE. I am having a SonoHSG on Wed, with an u/s to see how well I responded to the CCT. I will ask then…maybe I can save him from some embarrassment.