Disappointed in Spouse


#1

Hi,

I am so disappointed in my husband right now. He had his semen analysis last Friday and was told he could get his results today. I reminded him he would need to call the RE and let them know it was okay for me to know the results as well.

Well, after numerous texts and calls - he didnt do it. So today at my u/s they couldnt tell me anything. I dont think he understands how stressful this all is. I go to numerous u/s a month, I take pills that make me feel crazy and I stress about it all. All he had to do was make 1 call (1 min. probably).

It also took him over a month to even go in for the analysis. He fought me tooth and nail over it. I really thought he was going to bail the day of his appointment. He said he did it “so he didnt have to hear about it for 10 years”.

All the nurse could tell me is not to worry. But how can I not worry! I take so much time and effort into this and he knows I am very detailed orientated.

My husband is big on family. In fact, he gets mad if I tell someone a number when they ask how many kids I want. He feels the right answer is “however many I can have”, yet he wont help.

UGH… I am so frustrated and hurt. But even when I tell him this wont sink in. My husband is a doctor and it scares me to think how little compassion he has.

Sorry just needed to vent. Sitting in my office crying was doing enough.

:grr:


#2

I am so sorry… Men can really be emotionally closed off sometimes. They really don’t understand what we go through… What kind of a doctor is he?

Hang in there!!!


#3

A psychiatrist…


#4

[QUOTE=mychellelynne]A psychiatrist…[/QUOTE]

Oh man. I don’t even know what to say other than he should know better!!! I wish I had something insightful to say. All I’ve got is “hang in there” and I’ve already used it once. :grouphug:


#5

Mychellelynne!

My heart breaks for you! In agree with Slopes, men just don’t get it sometimes. I think they are just wired differently.

Big hugs to you, and just remember, we are all here for you!!!


#6

:grr: so sorry to hear that!!! :frowning:

men are just MEN!!! most of the TIME they don’t even GET it !!! If they only knew how DESPERATe we FEEL, how FRUSTRATING it is for us, what we go through, what we endure, how much we think about it and what we DO and are willing to do!!

I hope that at least he starts doing what he’s supposed to do and NOT PROCRASTINATE!!!


#7

There is WHY us ladies have too get the results… Depending on a man get the results they don’t want too as one they maybe afraid too know what the results is. Not all men are like that but most are.

I can say at least my DH is wonderful he don’t mind too call the doctors for his appointments, or make my appointment’s for blood work, ultrasounds or get his SA results. My DH does wonderful on almost everything with us trying to get pregnant. So far knock on wood never no issues when had to ask him to do a SA too check his guys. He would say OK np an we would stay at a hotel too get ready for the next day for a SA. Plus my DH has had to do more then just do SA. Yes! Us ladies may have to lots of testing at times an go through hellO but there is times a man has to do as much as us ladies too. I can also say my DH understands what all is involved in the process us ladies have to go through too get pregnant. My DH has been with me ever step of the way plus more. He’s the best DH ever.

Lots of time the man doesn’t want his Ego busted… So the next time he needs to get results you need to pick them up instead of asking a man to do so.

Sorry your going through crap like that but a man is a lot different from us ladies.It’s not always doing a SA to be able to have a baby. A man may have to do other things in the process…So try no to be too upset with your DH about not wanting to pickup the SA.

Good Luck…:paw:


#8

I agree with SlyFoxy on this. It is likely he was concerned about the results and maybe he is worried if they are bad you will blame him or hold it against him. Psychiatrist or not and whether or not he should know better doesn’t negate the probability of his feelings. I don’t think this is an issue of him not understanding so much as just having his own feelings he is dealing with err rather not really dealing with since he hasn’t conveyed any to you.

Personally, the more my husband rides me about getting something done–the more I feel pressured and stressed about it and the more I avoid it. Maybe that is the case here.

Don’t get me wrong–I totally can relate to your frustration with this and it would tick me off too, but, he clearly cares and wants kids or he wouldn’t have gone and done the test to begin with so…

Tell him how it hurt you and then ask him what his feelings are and then give him the time to formulate and answer without you making assumptions (like that it wasn’t important to him or that he doesn’t get it, etc…) (men take so much more time than we do to assimilate their feelings and I know for me personally I often start talking again or demanding an answer before he even gets a chance to think about it and answer).

Anyway–I hope you two are able to discuss it and work it out. I know how hard TTC can be and I think you are right that often they really don’t understand what all we do on a daily basis and the discomfort we go through and all we are asking is what seems like this one small thing from them, but in reality, for them, what we see as a tiny inconvenience is much more complicated for them. I can honestly say that I would rather do all that I do than to try and perform sexually on demand–and in a non-sexually arousing clinical room with others knowing what you are doing–lol!

:grouphug: :flower:


#9

We discussed a lot this past weekend. He called Saturday morning and got the results. I guess his specimen wasnt enough so they want him to do it again. That scares me because he told me last time this was a one shot deal.

I also asked him if he would be willing to try IUI if TI doesnt work for us this cycle. He flat out said no. He said unless the RE can give him a great reason why we HAVE to do it, he would not participate.

UGH. Well I know where he stands so I hope this cycle works.


#10

[quote=mychellelynne]We discussed a lot this past weekend. He called Saturday morning and got the results. I guess his specimen wasnt enough so they want him to do it again. That scares me because he told me last time this was a one shot deal.

I also asked him if he would be willing to try IUI if TI doesnt work for us this cycle. He flat out said no. He said unless the RE can give him a great reason why we HAVE to do it, he would not participate.

UGH. Well I know where he stands so I hope this cycle works.[/quote]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this frustration on top of everything else that comes along with TTC. You are in my :pray:'ers. :grouphug:!

Maybe he will come around. :cross:


#11

It took my DH a long time to get on board with the program. He was not willing to do anything, but eventually he realized how important it was to me to have a baby and did his part. I know the frustration you ate going through, don’t give up on him. Good luck


#12

As awful as this sounds, I am SOOO glad to see I’m not the only one with a DH that needs to be slapped upside the head!! Mine can be so frustrating. At first, last year when we started and it didn’t happen the first 2 cycles, he just kept saying, “You need a new OB.” I kept saying, “WE need an RE.” My OB initially told me my MC was due to low progesterone and his suggestion…only suggestion…was to try clomid. He made it sound like we’d have no trouble getting pregnant; boy was he wrong! So my DH and I bickered back and forth for about a month or so, before I finally just called the RE and made the appointment.

Appointment done, get the phone consult from the RE: I had it on speaker so we could both hear, and my DH kept making faces, acting like a fool, so I had to take it off of speaker. He was supportive through the IUI’s, doing his part, and giving me the shots. But he’s not supportive when I say, “How are we going to pay for IVF?”

I say he’s been kicking and screaming since we started this whole process, and after a year, it isn’t much better. He’s like a girl when it comes to TI: I have to go to bed when he goes to bed, or forget about it! I want him to say, “We’ll get a loan” and sound confident about, or “we’'ll ask our parents.” It’s taken a few months just to finally get him to say, “We’ll get a loan, and if we can’t handle it, we’ll ask our parents to help us pay it off.” I’m not sure that’s the best solution, but at least it’s something.

I totally think it’s a man thing. I swear, he just refuses to admit we can’t do it on our own, even though his numbers were so low on our “best” cycle, that the RE needed a second sample from him to be able to even do the IUI, and even that sample sucked! So I completely hear where you’re coming from. And it’s even harder feeling like you can’t talk to anyone you know for fear of the silent judgement you know they’ll make (poor girl, she’s so oblivious to the fact that her husband just doesn’t care about her enough to want to have children with her so badly he’s willing to do it in a cup and let someone else actually impregnate her!!).


#13

I hate that us girls have to go through this at all .Worse yet is when the support is not there from DH.It can be hell.The fact is-- this is a man thing. It just is. I say this because how can they act the same,and say the exact same things !!! I can’t kill him yet either because I still need him.:grr: But seriously- I know deep down this is upsetting him and it is probably upsetting your guy too.Men always want to fix things and this is something my DH can’t fix. Many times when he says the wrong thing or does not say anything at all I know it is because he really doesn’t know what I need to hear at that moment. Hell- half the time I don’t even know what I need from him…dang hormones. Hang in there.