discovered egg donor's identity


#1

Hello, I am an egg recipient with a :bfp: (hooray!) - 6wks0days, first U/S including heartbeat today!
:cross:
So it started out as one of the best days ever, but…

the short version: I am pretty sure I figured out who my egg donor is today, though it was supposed to be completely anonymous on both sides.

Anyone have any insight on how to handle this emotionally?
THANKS!


#2

wow are you sure? I would think that the dr would take measures to make sure that you were both never in the office at the same time? I really wish I had words of wisdom…I don’t know if I would even want to know what my donor looked like now ( I do have baby pics)-did yuo approach the dr about this?

and CONGRATS!


#3

Thanks for replying. I posted a longer version of the story in the thread “IVF Cycle With DE II”. I didn’t meet her at the clinic. The docs are supposed to be protecting anonymity on both sides but the screening form had information that in our case turned out to be identifying. (I don’t want to go into too much detail in public.) We knew before we proceeded that we might meet this person and were upset but we really liked the profile and didn’t want to wait…Yes, we will be notifying the doc that they need to be more careful.
Anyway, yes, it’s FANTASTIC that it worked (so far!) but I am going to have to do some work to move on from this.
Best of luck to you as you move forward!


#4

p.s. i am not 100% sure, but pretty sure.


#5

Thank you…and I know what you mean about the information. some of the applications we looked at had employers names and they were all local girls…

hope you have an amazing 9 months


#6

personally, i like knowing who my donor is. but she knows that i know.

i hope it works well for you and that the doctors are more careful in the future.


#7

mamasoon, did you use a known donor or meet her after choosing her? can you say why you wanted to know, and/or how it affects your feelings about yourself and your child? it does seem different if both of you know and you both CHOOSE to know. it’s so hard to separate it from all of the issues of failure and identity that come with infertility. i know it will all work out and i will figure out a reason why it’s good that i know. would love to hear more about your perspective. one thing, at least i can be pretty sure she wasn’t lying on the screening form!


#8

duffy, that’s crazy about the local girls/employer’s names! at least i am not the only one with TMI!!!


#9

Hedge-I know…I remember looking through the profiles of the ladies I liked and seing all that…especiallay when the dr only let us see baby pics as to keep the identity confidential.


#10

hey all, sorry i dropped the ball on this thread. i think i started to be able to not think about it so it was easier to not post about it anymore. thanks for the responses. i am still sort of in a comfortable denial about it and i know that once the baby gets here (IF WE ARE SO LUCKY!) it won’t matter at all. i may come back and vent/post/chat about this again. if anyone has a similar issue, please feel free to email or post. continued stickiness to all!


#11

We knew who our donor was - we never meet but we did communicate alot beforehand through email. And she provided us w/several pictures - baby and current. I found her on my own - not through an agency - so I got to have more contact than usual. She was completely willing to meeting beforehand and was willing to have baby know who she was in the future (if we so choose)
I really liked knowing who she was - I liked seeing pictures of her currently. This way I could choose someone who resembled me.
We now have beautiful b/g twins (17 mnths) and people are always saying how my little girl looks just like me.
The journey of DE is an emotional process - I understand but just try to stay focused on the positive.
Congrats on the preg. - yeah!