Do you have regrets?


#1

Hi ladies. I am relatively new to this forum and I appreciate all that you post. We have done 4 iuis and are considering moving forward with IVF. We continually go back and forth with spending $10,000+ one time for a 40% chance. Of course if we knew that we would have a baby after spending the money we wouldn’t question it. We don’t have any coverage for IVF except 1/2 off medication (which definately helps). My question is for those of you who have done IVF and it hasn’t worked, how do you feel about it? Does it bring up emotions getting the bill every month if you did a loan? Thank you in advance for your replies :slight_smile:


#2

I was lucky - my first cycle worked. But after that I did 2 frozen and 1 fresh cycle that didn’t - and I don’t regret if for a second. Maybe that isgbecause I knew what the potential payoff was. I know that it took me 10 years to even decide to do IVF, because I couldn’t bring myself to gamble that much money. I wondered if it would be worth it. If I would be a good mother. If I would have a disabled child. If I would resent the loss of my freedom…etc

Turns out, my daughter was worth every bit of the $16,000 she ‘cost’, and this current pregnancy is worth every bit of the $34,000 that it has taken to get here. Someone asked not long ago if the risk of cancer from the drugs was a deterrent - my answer to her was no. If I got cancer tomorrow, my kid(s) would still be worth it.

Good luck to you.


#3

We have paid close to 50,000 out of pocket (nothing is covered for us and we are on 3rd round) but DHand I agreed that we would have more regrets not doing it then for spending the money and it not working. For me, a lot of it was part of my grieving process (expensive therapy?). Either way, I have my beta on Friday and we just got picked for adoption. I feel fine even if it doesn’t work because I gave it my best shot :). Good luck to you!!!


#4

[QUOTE=believe22;n2609676]Hi ladies. I am relatively new to this forum and I appreciate all that you post. We have done 4 iuis and are considering moving forward with IVF. We continually go back and forth with spending $10,000+ one time for a 40% chance. Of course if we knew that we would have a baby after spending the money we wouldn’t question it. We don’t have any coverage for IVF except 1/2 off medication (which definately helps). My question is for those of you who have done IVF and it hasn’t worked, how do you feel about it? Does it bring up emotions getting the bill every month if you did a loan? Thank you in advance for your replies :)[/QUOTE]

I used to say no way to IVF, too. Until I realize it was quickest way to get to where I wanted to be. Yes, it costs a lot of money, but I’m older so that’s not as much of an issue. I would also not like to reach 45 or 46 and think, “What if I had done IVF?” I didn’t want regrets, so I decided to go the IVF route. I’ve done two IVFs, and no babies yet, but I think you have to assume you are going to have to do three. Few people get it on the first try. Most get it on the second and third tries — and some on the fourth!


#5

If it works, no regrets obviously! if it doesn’t work, i still wont have regrets because i’ll feel good that i tried my best. at the age of 50 i dont want to feel that i should have tried better. Ivf plus icsi is the best i can do for my situation w/o going bankrupt. i am also doing it out of pocket and the word infertility is not covered at all by my insurance. i have spent ~$4k on iui’s and more than 30k on 2 ivfs in addition to the physical and mental stress. I feel bad that none of them succeeded but have no regrets for sure.


#6

I think whether you feel regret depends on how much you weight the desire for children against other things in your life. I’ve noticed that many men and women who value vacations, material things, etc. tend to regret having gone though IVF. But for my wife and I, we don’t have any regrets when it comes to IVF because there is no thing that we could buy with that money that would bring us any joy. We have curious minds and each other’s quiet company and that is so much already.


#7

BTW, your wife’s AMH didn’t collapse, it simply rose because she was on follicle stims. Not everyone has an elevated AMH, but women can get that following medication in an IVF cycle. More reason not to pay that much attention to it!


#8

BTW, your wife’s AMH didn’t collapse, it simply rose because she was on follicle stims. Not everyone has an elevated AMH, but women can get that following medication in an IVF cycle. More reason not to pay that much attention to it!


#9

I agree! There is no guarantee of anything in life, especially if you take no risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! My 43-year-old friend did IVF twice, got all depressed and her husband asked her to take a break. She then spent the next 8 months remodeling her kitchen and working on her MBA. That’s when she got pregnant. Life throws you curveballs – and sometimes when you least expect it. By the way, she never had a positive pregnancy test ever – but the first time she did, she carried all the way to term. I like those stories.


#10

All of the tests for AMH we have done were done before any stimming was involved. Would there be a rise even a year after stimming? And I’m pretty sure there was some kind of decline because we ended up with only 3 eggs for our second cycle as opposed to 8 (and that was after twice as much medication as last time, $13K).


#11

All I remember is that a doctor told me that my AMH can rise after taking stims, so it’s higher than it naturally is. AMH is still a bit of an unknown, so I would say not to rely too much on it. The doctors use it as another test, but it shouldn’t be the only test for ovarian reserve and certainly not quality.


#12

Thank you to everyone who replied. I really loved all of your responses. I really feel like we would regret not trying IVF. My husbands sperm got a gold star every time we did IUI. My AMH was 1.08, Prolactic 7.4, TSH 4.67, FSH 10.1. I recently found out that my TSH should ideally be below 2.5 while TTC so I have been on Synthroid for last 2 months. It has dropped to 2.95 but it still needs to be lower. We wanted to get my levels below 2.5 for few months and see if we get pregnant on our own. Have any of you heard that the levels should be below 2.5?


#13

We are going for our third round of IVF end of Oct. I start and my TSH was 27 when I had all my blood drawn. My RE’s office told me it needs to be below 2.5 for me to try. I had my TSH checked in Aug and it was 2.66 so they bumped my Synthroid up and just rechecked it yesterday and it is 2.1 I am good to go. I am nervous because I didn’t have a Thyroid issue with my son but my RE says it should be good now that it is low enough.

In response to your earlier questions we have spent over 50k on IVF stuff and spending that money was the best choice we ever made.
Good luck