Donation to a family member


My sister has asked me to donate my sperm to her wife.

I have a lot of questions going through my mind about this and its more causing more stress than I feel like I deserve, mainly because of the way the proposition is being handled.

If anyone can offer some assistance I would appreciate it. Below is a list of things about myself and my life that I think are relevant. Please don’t judge me based on these but if you have advice based on these the it might be of some help to me:

-My father and I are accepting of my sister being a lesbian, my mother is not.
-I don’t know if the child or anyone else would know that I am the father, and I don’t know if I could deal with them not knowing.
-I don’t really have much interest in having a child, there are enough people in the world.
-I am expected to be the guardian of the child should something happen, but I plan for a short life (10-15 more years).
-I have health problems: addiction (alcohol and tobacco, both under control now), some drug use years ago (just marijuana), depression (exacerbated by this scenario). Alcohol abuse seems to run in my family and I know that I’ve done a lot of damage to myself already.
-I don’t even know if I’m fertile. I have a varicocele and have had multiple torsions, I’ve never taken a test.

I’ve asked people close to me and have gotten a mixed bag of responses. A lot of guys say “just do it” but I’m concerned they don’t think about the repercussions of going through with it. I’ve asked some friends of my who are gay women and all have told me that they would never consider asking their brother for this, including those that have had children from donor sperm.

Any advice that you can give would be a big help.


I agree with the other two posters…don’t do it unless your heart is 100% into it! Donor sperm isn’t that expensive and has far less in terms of “strings attached.” I applaud you for thinking this through and for being honest in your concerns! Best wishes with your decisions!


If your hearts not in it, don’t do it. Plus what’s to say down the road her and her partner breakup and emotions aren’t involved with you seeing this child everyday and go to nothing. I’m with other replies so easy to get donor sperm vs eggs. If they can’t afford to get other sperm maybe they shouldn’t be going forward into the procedure. Good Luck !!!


If you truly wanted to donate your sperm to her then you would not be so stressed out about it and the issues that you listed wouldn’t even be a concern to you. If you don’t want to donate your sperm, then don’t. Your sister should be able to understand. I am experiencing infertility right now and it has been suggested that I may need to use a donate egg. I would never pressure anyone I know into donating an egg to me and I would do everything in my power to let the female know that “no” is a perfectly acceptable decision for her to make. I can browse through catalogs of eggs that have already been donated, just as your sister can browse through catalogs of sperm donors. I know that it is a BIG deal and has a lot of repercussions, just as you mentioned. In no way should you ever been held responsible for the child either and being told that you would be the guardian should something happen to them is not fair to you at all.


What a strange situation you’re in! Poor thing. Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea at all. And this might show you aren’t selfish at all !!
What will happen when you meet your half one day and she gets to know about your being a father to your sister’s wife’s child?? Isn’t this silly! You shouldn’t go through that risk as you don’t know how your sweetheart will react to all this. All in all I don’t think this is such a big problem to find sperm nowadays.
Also you shouldn’t do it for a baby’s health sake. You know lots of diseases are transmittable so you should be concerned about this not only if you finally decide to share your sperm. This will be useful for you to know even for your own future.
Time flies and very soon I believe you’ll be concerned about all these things even more.
Let the girls solve this small problem by themselves. Stay calm and positive. You’re doing everything just right. Hugs x


Many couples seek donor sperm if the women in homosexual relation and by single women who want to conceive. if you really want to help your sister in this process with your family support, you can proceed. Taking sperm from unknown donor is better than taking from known persons. you could help her in building her family.