I guess that I look at these things a bit from the point of view. Under most circumstances, I don’t think that a donor gamete created will think about being shopped for. In most instances, it will just be part of who they are…a fact that winds up in the background with all of the other experiences of childhood and life. When we started the process, I thought about DE and mourned needing it. Once I was pregnant, I thought about much less. After her birth, I was still a bit sad, but it slipped even further back in my mind. I’d also say that I wouldn’t want to go back and have a baby with out DE because my daughter wouldn’t be my Emily. Now, I rarely think about doing DE. It comes up mainly when I come to this website. This website helps to keep reminding me to talk to my daughter so this is just another little part of her.
Again, I’d state that I’m adopted. For me, it has never been a big deal. I have brown hair. I was born in MI. I am adopted. No big deal. Interestingly, it has bothered my boyfriends the most. My present husband asked me wasn’t I worried about marrying a relative and committing incest. I laughed and asked him where his dad was the year before I was born. Then I discussed the odds of that happening in my case or anyone else.
Infertility was a huge deal for my parents. I have gotten fleeting glimpses of this and their pain over the years. I really do give them credit for not making their infertility my or my brother’s issue. I’m going to work hard with my husband to make doing DE our issue not Emily’s problem. It is just a sliver of a fraction of her life.