My wife and i have been married since july of 2010. We dated all thoughout college, and soon, like most couples we wanted to start a family. A little background, my wife was diagnosed and beat a brain tumor when she was 7 and there was little known about how it would affect the pregnancy prospect. Well in April of 2011 we go to the doctor for the first time, and except news about her side of things. We get the bomb dropped on us that not only does she not ovulate, but i have little sperm movement and low numbers. Devestated is the only word i could use to describe it. Our doctor suggested that it mightve been a bad sample cause of the stress. Two months later i give another sample, and same results. In the meantime the doctor suggests that we try putting my wife on fertility drugs to see if she ovulates. Success!!! she produced 7-8 eggs and the next step is to try and take a sperm sample and put it close to the eggs and BOOM baby made. The downfall was that the drugs made my wife not feel good and took a toll on her the weeks leading up to the procedure. So the day comes in July, another sample and we go with the procedure. It could take 10 days to find the result, 2 days later my wife has her period. Again, heartbroken. We go back to the doctor and he suggests that we either have IVF or adoption because it doesnt look like any other method would work. They suggest as a last resort that i try 3 months of Clomid to see if that will raise my levels, with the understanding that if the morphology is bad then all the testosternone in the world wont help. We decide to take a year off, and rethink about things. In the meantime I am there for her. I am so worried about her and how she is feeling and what I can do that ultimately put my feelings of loss and anger away to deal with later. In october my wife starts seeing a therapist, and i started going at the end of november. I feel like a failure and that i have not lived up to my obligation as a husband. I also never want to see my wife so upset. We are newly married and im just angry at the situation cause marriage is hard enough and now we have this added stress on top of it. I never filled the prescription for the clomid b/c im like what is the point if i have bad morphology. Im 26 years old and feel completely helpless and what is most frustrating is that there is no rhyme or reason why this happened to me. Its the cards we are delt and i just wish things would be better. I used to be able to make jokes about it to ease the upset or make myself feel better, but i just want to wave a magic wand and us have a baby and my issue be ok. Im at the beginning of my therapy and i know that, i just need to know there are others out there who feel the same and are going through this as well.
Thanks for reading