EA or double donors? x-post


#1

I wasn’t sure where to post this, so will probably cross post in the donor thread as well.

We are currently in the 2ww with anonymously donated embryos. Our previous experience was via an open arrangement. That experience made me realize that openness was not for me, in spite of years of trying to insist on it with the various situations we pursued.

My faith tells me that human life begins at conception, and I do believe that the creation of human life must be taken seriously, and its dignity respected by the way we treat it from the get-go.

Having said that, I have been struggling with the idea of using the term “child” to refer to my embryos. I’m reminded of the verse in the Bible where God forms us in our mother’s womb… and I’m thinking that if these embryos are destined to walk the earth, God will make them into my children. Otherwise, He will make them into His angels.

Between this and the discomfort I feel over the idea of referring to the embryos’ donors as “parents” (even with a qualifier like “genetic” in front of it), I’m wondering if I can’t borrow terminology and/or thought processes from those using double gamete donors.

I do not deny that our embryos’ donors are indeed their genetic ancestors, and I have no problem acknowledging their heritage and celebrating it in that regard. It’s when it comes to words like “parents” that I get defensive.

How are you thinking of your EA / double gamete donors?


#2

Congratulations!!

I don’t think of them as ‘parents’ at all, because they are not parenting my twins. They are embryo donors and they are genetic donors. I don’t think there is any reason to expand upon those terms.

Good luck with your pregnancy!


#3

Congrats to you, too, Alphie! Weren’t we together on an FET board last year or 2 years ago???

Thanks for your feedback. I think you’re right. No reason to expand on those terms. I’ll use what I’m comfortable with, and when the kid(s) is/are old enough, they can use whatever they deem appropriate and I’ll support them.


#4

Yup, almost 2 years ago already! I check back in here on the embryo donor board occasionally and I’m happy to see that it’s finally worked for you!


#5

Hello everyone,
I have decided that embryo adoption is our best route to have a baby and I am excited… nervous but excited. I called to set up the home study and did the application for the adoption online tonight. We are going through NEDC and feel we are in good hands. I haven’t told anyone about our decision yet…I would like to wait until I am pregnant I am not sure how they will react.NEDC said the process will take about 6 to 9 months so I plan to get into shape for my future pregnancy :slight_smile: I would really appriciate any suggestions or comments regarding embryo adoption.


#6

toni123- congratulations on your decision to do EA! My advice is regarding telling people - whether that’s about the fact that you’re going with EA, or the fact that you’re about to do an FET, or when you get your :bfp: . My first time around I was very naive and assumed nothing could go wrong and told lots of people about our first :bfp: and then had to untell people right when I was grieving the loss. This time around, only the three people who know we went in for the FET know. Everyone else will find out later.

Having said that, we realized that since the folks knew we did an FET, of course they’d be asking about if it worked, and we couldn’t pretend for months that we didn’t yet know. So you may not want to tell many people bc then you’ll be getting lots of requests for updates.

As for EA in general, we first started out pursuing traditional adoption, and independently, so we relied heavily on networking. Therefore, we told everyone about our plans bc we were hoping for more leads that way. Then, when that didn’t pan out, everyone was already on board with adoption and we were able to feel everyone out regarding how they felt and how they might react.

Our main concern with telling people about EA has been that we want to be the ones to disclose this information to our kids. We do not want them to find out by accident from someone else. Having said that, if you plan on talking about it as part of the “where you came from” story from the get-go, then there’s no worries. But if you want to wait until some magic moment, then if others know, you’ll never be sure if someone doesn’t accidentally tell your kids before you wanted them to know or in a way that doesn’t make them feel good about it.

Best of luck!


#7

Thank you so much for your response. Congrats to you wishing you a healthy 9 months. I will continue to watch for updatex:-) have you had any symptoms yet?
the home study agency called me back and said they will not be doing studies until the end of June…yikes! Te chatge was a whooping $3000, so i called another agency and she will let me know if they travel to my area. They charge $1200. I called the NEDC and they said I wont cycle until November if I wait until the end of June. Fingers crossed this other agency will come thru. I am so ready to move forward with this. Thanks again:cheer: