Everyone Around Me is Pregnant, Except Me


#1

I have been trying to conceive since 2010. We decided and went ahead to do our first IUI and IVF in 2012 because the doctors couldn’t diagnose the cause of my infertility. I had 5 embryos and 3 were transferred and 2 were frozen. All efforts failed.

I even tried TCM for about 6 months. Sometimes I can be overwhelmed by my own failed attempts and I would confide in my closest circle of friends. One of my galfriends who claimed she wasn’t interested to get pregnant, tagged along with me to my TCM appointment and even consulted the same doctor and now she is pregnant.

I am happy for her but at the same time I feel sad for myself. Now all she could ever talked about is her own pregnancy. We used to talk about everything and she knew that I was trying to conceive for a long time and as much as I am happy for her, I sometimes wish that she could be more considerate to my feelings.

Am I raining on her parade?

Nowaways, she hardly even contacts me at all. I introduced her to a group of mothers to be and since then she has been hanging out with them.

Recently one of my other girlfriends gave birth and some of my girlfriends asked me to visit her, and they told me that she was going too. I was disappointed that she didn’t even bother to ask me to join her. When I saw her at the gathering, she just ignored me. I thought we were friends?

I have 8 girlfriends, 7 of them are either pregnant or just gave birth. Including myself, there are just 2 of us TTC now. I am pretty sure that she will soon be pregnant. To be honest, I am feeling the peer pressure now. Probably even more because I am almost 40 years old and they are still in their mid or early 30s.

To be honest, I never thought of disassociating myself from them although I read in the internet that some ladies do that. These are my friends and if I were to cut away from them, I might lose their friendship. I am not even sure whether they value my friendship the same way I do.

Is Anyone feeling the peer pressure, too?


#2

It is common to feel a bit of jealousy or envy when someone in your circle gets pregnant. This is especially true when we try so hard to have a baby, but everything we do seems to fail and fall apart. I really empathize with your situation. To try for years to conceive and come up short time and time again. Then to have a friend that you once talked with about everything only to have her get pregnant and have that be the only thing she talks about. It can be challenging to remain positive and supportive of her while going through your own struggle. Try to remember that having a baby is just as important and exciting to her as it is to you. Be honest and share with her how you feel, but remind her that you will still be there for her during her pregnancy, but that it does hurt you as you have been trying for so long.


#3

Thanks for the reply. I did tell her how I feel. In the end she just said it wasn’t the TCM that helped her for she just went along(tagged along) to consult on her weak stomach. Ironically the TCM doctor we saw is a fertility doctor…

We have grown far apart. I believe our relationship was never strong as I thought it was, in the first place.
I have given up trying to conceive and trying to keep fit.


#4

I have to say, I’ve been there or still am there. I think it’s important to know that many people pull away after pregnancy because they are worried about your feelings. At least this is what I’ve been told and have experienced.
My DH and I have been trying for 7-8 years. I had a friend trying along with me for about two years. Her baby girl is now 6 months old so it makes it difficult for us. Honestly the one big thing we had in common just isn’t in common anymore.
This journey is certainly a giant roller coaster. It is not easy. I hope things start looking up.


#5

[GALLERY=media, 125]National Infertility Awareness Week by admin posted Apr 23, 2015 at 9:15 AM[/GALLERY]

There’s many of us in this horrible infertility boat. We just have to be here for each other when our other friends (with an abundance of beautiful growing children) don’t know what to say to us.