Exhausted, frustrated, angry and sad! Need to vent


#1

New to post here, but have been lurking around the forums for the past few months.

We have been TTC for 7 months and have been on Clomid for the past 3 cycles. Every cycle I think - this is it, this is my month, and every cycle :af: makes a visit. It has been frustrating, but I have been trying to stay strong and positive. It is very hard to, especially since everyone around me is pregnant or showing off their bundles of joy. We also live in a city where fertility rates are very high - literally every third woman on the street is pregnant or carrying a newborn or toddler and every fifth store in the shopping area is a baby store. It breaks my heart every time I walk past a pregnant woman or see a cute outfit in the store window - it is a reminder of something I really want but can’t have.

I have stopped speaking to family and friends who are expecting. I am happy for them, but it is just so hard to keep a straight face and smiling when they talk about their impending baby. This makes me feel like a terrible person, but I have decided that I need to take care of myself and my mental health than what others think of me.

I cry all the time and everything just seems very pointless.
This whole experience has also made me feel like I am a failure as a woman. Usually I am a rational person, but I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about this because I feel a sense of shame - like I am less of a woman because my ovaries have decided to stop producing eggs.

I have a wonderful partner and he has been great throughout but sometimes I feel that he doesn’t get it. He is generally a positive person and so he gets very frustrated when I am down and sad.

I know it will not get any easier, and I know I have to be strong and deal with it, but days like this (I just had a visit from :af: ) I want to give it all up - quit work, go home and just curl up in bed and never get out ever again.

Me:32
DH: 34
TTC: 7 months
Normal periods, until 4 months ago. Turns out I don’t ovulate naturally.
On Clomid
2/4/ 13 - Clomid Cycle #3
2/12/ 13 - US - one follicle
2/26/13 - :af: :grr:

Starting final clomid cycle in the next four days. :pray:


#2

I’m so sorry to hear of your frustrations… maybe you will need to do a more aggressive treatment than clomid. Keep your head up and try to stay positive… :pray: for you…


#3

It really sucks that you have to go through this…

I have to agree that you may need to explore other treatments. How many different Drs have you had a consult with? It just seems like if you are not ovulating and only had 1 follicle, whatever your Dr is trying to do is not producing results you are hoping for. What kind of testing have they done? Have they run the immune panel, etc.??

7 months have gone by already, frustration tends to build. I really think I would instead go get more opinions until you find the right Dr to work with.

Hope you feel better!!

[quote=thesunwillshine]New to post here, but have been lurking around the forums for the past few months.

We have been TTC for 7 months and have been on Clomid for the past 3 cycles. Every cycle I think - this is it, this is my month, and every cycle :af: makes a visit. It has been frustrating, but I have been trying to stay strong and positive. It is very hard to, especially since everyone around me is pregnant or showing off their bundles of joy. We also live in a city where fertility rates are very high - literally every third woman on the street is pregnant or carrying a newborn or toddler and every fifth store in the shopping area is a baby store. It breaks my heart every time I walk past a pregnant woman or see a cute outfit in the store window - it is a reminder of something I really want but can’t have.

I have stopped speaking to family and friends who are expecting. I am happy for them, but it is just so hard to keep a straight face and smiling when they talk about their impending baby. This makes me feel like a terrible person, but I have decided that I need to take care of myself and my mental health than what others think of me.

I cry all the time and everything just seems very pointless.
This whole experience has also made me feel like I am a failure as a woman. Usually I am a rational person, but I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about this because I feel a sense of shame - like I am less of a woman because my ovaries have decided to stop producing eggs.

I have a wonderful partner and he has been great throughout but sometimes I feel that he doesn’t get it. He is generally a positive person and so he gets very frustrated when I am down and sad.

I know it will not get any easier, and I know I have to be strong and deal with it, but days like this (I just had a visit from :af: ) I want to give it all up - quit work, go home and just curl up in bed and never get out ever again.

Me:32
DH: 34
TTC: 7 months
Normal periods, until 4 months ago. Turns out I don’t ovulate naturally.
On Clomid
2/4/ 13 - Clomid Cycle #3
2/12/ 13 - US - one follicle
2/26/13 - :af: :grr:

Starting final clomid cycle in the next four days. :pray:[/quote]


#4

Keep your chin up…better days are ahead.
I agree with the others. It may be time to see a specialist or seek a more aggressive approach. We waited a whole year trying on our own before we decided something may be wrong. You are young and healhty so you already have an advantage :slight_smile:
wishing you all the best!


#5

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know how hard it can be. I also agree with the other posters that you may want to see what else your Dr can do or get a second opinion. I stayed with my first Dr. way too long and wasted a lot of time and money with him doing IUI after IUI because he didn’t see any reason why it wouldn’t work. Sometimes you have to advocate for yourself and if something isn’t working specifically ask to try something else or move on to a dr. who is willing to do more. Maybe ask to try femera before moving on to something more aggressive?


#6

Thank you, all! I am feeling better now - work is a great distraction!

We have decided to give this last Clomid cycle a go, maybe take a few months break to see if I ovulate on my own and then go on to the next step. My doctor is convinced that we will get pregnant soon and has suggested Femera if Clomid doesn’t work. I just think I need to take a break from feeling disappointed and sad all the time.


#7

[quote=thesunwillshine]Thank you, all! I am feeling better now - work is a great distraction!

We have decided to give this last Clomid cycle a go, maybe take a few months break to see if I ovulate on my own and then go on to the next step. My doctor is convinced that we will get pregnant soon and has suggested Femera if Clomid doesn’t work. I just think I need to take a break from feeling disappointed and sad all the time.[/quote]

Ive known many couples, who try try try, and then when they both relax and just breathe…they get pregnant on their own!! Maybe thats you! :slight_smile: we will be praying…:pray:


#8

Sorry to hear about your frustration and sadness. I think these feelings are perfectly “normal”. My partner and I have been TTC with IUI since 2009 (no luck so far) and are now moving on the IVF.

For what it’s worth: you are not alone. When we did our first and second IUIs, my expectations were very high. I was so sure, at the beginning of a cycle, that it would work, that when it didn’t turn out, I was devastated. It felt a little bit like mourning a loss every month. At the same time, so many friends and family members were getting pregnant. And here I was, in my thirties, in a loving mariage and super-ready for a child, and unable to get pregnant.

For me, what helped was - honestly - lowering my expectations. I learned that by not getting my hopes too high (so no excitement, just mild optimism), I would not crumble when my period came. It is now much easier to go through these cycles.

Just know that you are not alone. It can also get easier. Best of luck and :grouphug: xx

[quote=thesunwillshine]New to post here, but have been lurking around the forums for the past few months.

We have been TTC for 7 months and have been on Clomid for the past 3 cycles. Every cycle I think - this is it, this is my month, and every cycle :af: makes a visit. It has been frustrating, but I have been trying to stay strong and positive. It is very hard to, especially since everyone around me is pregnant or showing off their bundles of joy. We also live in a city where fertility rates are very high - literally every third woman on the street is pregnant or carrying a newborn or toddler and every fifth store in the shopping area is a baby store. It breaks my heart every time I walk past a pregnant woman or see a cute outfit in the store window - it is a reminder of something I really want but can’t have.

I have stopped speaking to family and friends who are expecting. I am happy for them, but it is just so hard to keep a straight face and smiling when they talk about their impending baby. This makes me feel like a terrible person, but I have decided that I need to take care of myself and my mental health than what others think of me.

I cry all the time and everything just seems very pointless.
This whole experience has also made me feel like I am a failure as a woman. Usually I am a rational person, but I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about this because I feel a sense of shame - like I am less of a woman because my ovaries have decided to stop producing eggs.

I have a wonderful partner and he has been great throughout but sometimes I feel that he doesn’t get it. He is generally a positive person and so he gets very frustrated when I am down and sad.

I know it will not get any easier, and I know I have to be strong and deal with it, but days like this (I just had a visit from :af: ) I want to give it all up - quit work, go home and just curl up in bed and never get out ever again.

Me:32
DH: 34
TTC: 7 months
Normal periods, until 4 months ago. Turns out I don’t ovulate naturally.
On Clomid
2/4/ 13 - Clomid Cycle #3
2/12/ 13 - US - one follicle
2/26/13 - :af: :grr:

Starting final clomid cycle in the next four days. :pray:[/quote]


#9

Wish we moved to ivf a lot earlier. We did clomid 3x cycles and iui’s… I don’t have a lot of faith in those medications/treatments. The boards I used to be on for them were filled with BFN’s.
Then we started ivf and the ivf board had so many BFP’s. our first positive ever was recently, it ended in a silent miscarriage, but we got pregnant!
Now I just have to scrape my disappointment off the floor and get mentally and physically ready for the next one. We learnt a lot about how my body responds and have a good dose of information to get success and a lasting pregnancy.
Good luck! Move Dr’s if you need to. Only 1 in 4 eggs are viable in women under 30, this number reduces as we hit 40… Until it’s 1 in 10 eggs being viable over 40.

The worst is the shock that it’s requiring so much extra work. It’s so easy for some. It’s crazy hard for others. It’s not fair and it’s expensive. But we do what we need to.


#10

Wish we moved to ivf a lot earlier. We did clomid 3x cycles and iui’s… I don’t have a lot of faith in those medications/treatments. The boards I used to be on for them were filled with BFN’s.
Then we started ivf and the ivf board had so many BFP’s. our first positive ever was recently, it ended in a silent miscarriage, but we got pregnant!
Now I just have to scrape my disappointment off the floor and get mentally and physically ready for the next one. We learnt a lot about how my body responds and have a good dose of information to get success and a lasting pregnancy.
Good luck! Move Dr’s if you need to. Only 1 in 4 eggs are viable in women under 30, this number reduces as we hit 40… Until it’s 1 in 10 eggs being viable over 40.

The worst is the shock that it’s requiring so much extra work. It’s so easy for some. It’s crazy hard for others. It’s not fair and it’s expensive. But we do what we need to.


#11

Wish we moved to ivf a lot earlier. We did clomid 3x cycles and iui’s… I don’t have a lot of faith in those medications/treatments. The boards I used to be on for them were filled with BFN’s.
Then we started ivf and the ivf board had so many BFP’s. our first positive ever was recently, it ended in a silent miscarriage, but we got pregnant!
Now I just have to scrape my disappointment off the floor and get mentally and physically ready for the next one. We learnt a lot about how my body responds and have a good dose of information to get success and a lasting pregnancy.
Good luck! Move Dr’s if you need to. Only 1 in 4 eggs are viable in women under 30, this number reduces as we hit 40… Until it’s 1 in 10 eggs being viable over 40.

The worst is the shock that it’s requiring so much extra work. It’s so easy for some. It’s crazy hard for others. It’s not fair and it’s expensive. But we do what we need to.


#12

Wish we moved to ivf a lot earlier. We did clomid 3x cycles and iui’s… I don’t have a lot of faith in those medications/treatments. The boards I used to be on for them were filled with BFN’s.
Then we started ivf and the ivf board had so many BFP’s. our first positive ever was recently, it ended in a silent miscarriage, but we got pregnant!
Now I just have to scrape my disappointment off the floor and get mentally and physically ready for the next one. We learnt a lot about how my body responds and have a good dose of information to get success and a lasting pregnancy.
Good luck! Move Dr’s if you need to. Only 1 in 4 eggs are viable in women under 30, this number reduces as we hit 40… Until it’s 1 in 10 eggs being viable over 40.

The worst is the shock that it’s requiring so much extra work. It’s so easy for some. It’s crazy hard for others. It’s not fair and it’s expensive. But we do what we need to.


#13

Wish we moved to ivf a lot earlier. We did clomid 3x cycles and iui’s… I don’t have a lot of faith in those medications/treatments. The boards I used to be on for them were filled with BFN’s.
Then we started ivf and the ivf board had so many BFP’s. our first positive ever was recently, it ended in a silent miscarriage, but we got pregnant!
Now I just have to scrape my disappointment off the floor and get mentally and physically ready for the next one. We learnt a lot about how my body responds and have a good dose of information to get success and a lasting pregnancy.
Good luck! Move Dr’s if you need to. Only 1 in 4 eggs are viable in women under 30, this number reduces as we hit 40… Until it’s 1 in 10 eggs being viable over 40.

The worst is the shock that it’s requiring so much extra work. It’s so easy for some. It’s crazy hard for others. It’s not fair and it’s expensive. But we do what we need to.


#14

Wish we moved to ivf a lot earlier. We did clomid 3x cycles and iui’s… I don’t have a lot of faith in those medications/treatments. The boards I used to be on for them were filled with BFN’s.
Then we started ivf and the ivf board had so many BFP’s. our first positive ever was recently, it ended in a silent miscarriage, but we got pregnant!
Now I just have to scrape my disappointment off the floor and get mentally and physically ready for the next one. We learnt a lot about how my body responds and have a good dose of information to get success and a lasting pregnancy.
Good luck! Move Dr’s if you need to. Only 1 in 4 eggs are viable in women under 30, this number reduces as we hit 40… Until it’s 1 in 10 eggs being viable over 40.

The worst is the shock that it’s requiring so much extra work. It’s so easy for some. It’s crazy hard for others. It’s not fair and it’s expensive. But we do what we need to.


#15

My Internet didnt seem like it was posting. Sorry about above. I shut everything down and by the time I have returned its too late to delete. Oopsi


#16

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time, hopefully you’re better by now. Like others said, maybe you should look into other treatments. Hope things are better for you, keeping you in my prayers. :pray:


#17

Months of trying, especially with the help of doctors, is so upsetting. After 2 rounds of clomid, I was so upset, thinking, “if the doctor is literally getting the egg ready and putting the sperm in, and it’s not working, what the hell is wrong with me?”

Clomid, and other pills like it, didn’t work well for me. I produced over 30 eggs on a retrieval, but only 1 when I used clomid. Don’t use that as your indicator.

I’d go for injectables or a second opinion before going to IVF. Injectables will give you a good idea as to how many eggs you can produce. If I didn’t switch doctors and had tests redone, I would have wasted IVF procedures with my last doctor. My 2nd RE caught 2 things that would have made pregnancy difficult, if not impossible, that my last doctor missed.

If you take time off, go do some acupuncture. I’ve read you need to go for about 3 cycles to start to see an affect. It can’t hurt, and it might regulate your hormones and get your cycle going naturally.


#18

[B]QuiteThePickle[/B], I’m glad I read your post. :slight_smile: Made me feel more positively about the injectibles. Right from the beginning I was disappointed that I had to go through 3 cycles with clomid/ovidrel/TI before I can start IUI and then another 3 before IVF (insurer requirements). I’m 36 and it just feels like more agressive treatment would probably bring faster results.

I will now look at this first clomid cycle as one that can tell me more about my body. We’ll see how it responds, if my follicles mature, etc.

Thanks! :slight_smile: