once you have kids, does the monthly reminder get easier?
DH and I have been trying to adopt through various routes for 2.5 years. In the meantime, we briefly visited the idea of IVF a couple of times but decided against it each time.
We are now moving forward with international adoption, but my question deals with the monthly reminder. We don’t have any kids yet. We fostered a little girl for 10 months, and now that she’s RU with her mom, we stay in touch (in fact I babysat her this morning). It was gut-wrenching to see her go (LONG story), so I refuse to do foster care again. There’s no straight-adotion of younger, healthier kids in my area.
Anyway, every month without fail, I am super aware of the various fertility signs (our situation is severe male factor infertility, I would not consider ds), approaching :af: , etc. When I’m irregular, or I get some weird spotting, I can’t help but get this crazy thought in my head (miracle implantation bleeding?). We decided not to adopt a baby, bc we got that baby bug out of our system through fostering our Baby VV. But I didn’t get the one-time dream of a home waterbirth out of my system, and while I know I would make a rotten pregnant woman, the reminders drive me crazy.
It’s not that I ache for a bio child, just A child. We’ve had so many fall throghs and set backs in trying to adopt, I can’t help but think how much easier it would be if I just got pregnant.
So my question is this: once you have that child you’ve been waiting for for so long, does the monthly visitor still tug at your heart for what might have been? Does it get easier? Do you eventually forget how much intensive time and attention you spent learning about your body, seeminglly all for nothing? What can I do to put it in the past? Like I said, I KNOW I don’t want to parent a newborn, no questions. They’re super cute and cuddly until you’re the one having to wake up all night long to soothe them. I kid you not, thank God for our foster daughter, bc we’d still be trying to adopt a newborn. So if it’s not that, then what’s my problem?!