Feeling unsure about DE


#1

Hi - Just wondered if anyone could offer me some moral support. We made the decision recently to start a Donor Embryo cycle. I’m in the middle of heparin and estrogen injections. Never done heparin, and it’s not fun.

Anyway, I keep going back and forth on this ED thing. I think it’s amazing that another couple struggling with infertility chose to donor their embryos instead of discarding or donating to science. We never had the choice, as I never had enough embryos left. The ones we had, I used, and have one beautiful 3 year old as a result!

Anyway, after she turned 1, we started trying IVF again, all negative, also did many IUI’s, all negative. We started looking into donor egg, but it just got too confusing, stressful and expensive, so never completed a cycle with that.

In the meantime, my clinic contacted me and said my name came up on the 2 year waiting list for donor embryos! We were very excited and nervous at the same time.

It’s just so weird to consider possibly being pregnant with another couple’s embryo, when we are blessed with one of our own genetic child (from IVF). We desperately want to complete our family with another baby, but I’m old (40), and getting really tired of all of this (been doing it all for 7 years now).

Just trying to hold out strength and find some reason to believe that this DE thing just might work. Not sure how many to transfer. We have 8 day 5 frozen donor embryos. At my age, I can’t handle twins, so we think we will just put one in, and pray for the best. Although, is it better to put more than 1 in to increase your odds of a positive pregnancy test.

Just so many questions! Thanks for listening. Always so hard when you have no one to really talk to, because no one outside of these forums really understands or can relate.

Greatly appreciate your support!

Kari


#2

Well, what exactly are you unsure about? That you will feel the same about a Donor embryo conceived child??

I think i have a unique perspective having a Bio child, an adopted child, and now being pregnant with Donor embryo children.

I feel NO differently this pregnancy than I did when i was preggos with my bio son. Im just as excited, nervous, anxious as i was when I had my son. I am however SUPER excited to see what they look like!! The embryos had NO characteristics that were similar to us. We & our children all have brown hair and dark eyes, and these kids will more than likely have blonde hair and green eyes!!

I think the fact that the babies are growing in you, your blood, your fluids, your everything is keeping them nourished and growing makes them more “yours” everyday. I certainly dont consider the donors their “parents” or anything, but they are their genetic family. Without them, I wouldnt be pregnant~ its sometimes easy to forget that these babies are not genetically connected to me and my husband. I often find myself thinking if they will do xyz, like my son, or if they will have the same personality as me, or if they will look like my other children, etc. etc.
And then I remember that, no, they probably wont…but thats [B][U]O.K. [/U][/B]
Every child deserves their own personality, traits, characteristics not to be compared with anyone else’s. Sometimes it bothers the heck of out me that people cant even keep me and my sisters straight. We are 2 years apart and do look and act similar, but its almost like living in someone else’s shadow!!
Im glad my kids will have their own stories and identities.

I hope this helps a little. If you have any further questions, etc, please feel free to ask me!!


#3

DE confusion

For me I want a child to complete our family. I also want to experience pregnancy. I have never thought about just having a biological child. I want a child…any child. I have 3 biological children and I can assure you I will have the same love using DE. Biological just doesn’t carry much weight in our family. However, I would suggest that you really make a decision before accepting those embryos. I can tell that you would feel it would be wrong to have those feelings moving forward. And I would expect that the biological donors would like to see those embryos go to a family that feel absolute in loving this baby. Best Wishes.


#4

[QUOTE=rd200]Well, what exactly are you unsure about? That you will feel the same about a Donor embryo conceived child??

I think i have a unique perspective having a Bio child, an adopted child, and now being pregnant with Donor embryo children.

I feel NO differently this pregnancy than I did when i was preggos with my bio son. Im just as excited, nervous, anxious as i was when I had my son. I am however SUPER excited to see what they look like!! The embryos had NO characteristics that were similar to us. We & our children all have brown hair and dark eyes, and these kids will more than likely have blonde hair and green eyes!!

I think the fact that the babies are growing in you, your blood, your fluids, your everything is keeping them nourished and growing makes them more “yours” everyday. I certainly dont consider the donors their “parents” or anything, but they are their genetic family. Without them, I wouldnt be pregnant~ its sometimes easy to forget that these babies are not genetically connected to me and my husband. I often find myself thinking if they will do xyz, like my son, or if they will have the same personality as me, or if they will look like my other children, etc. etc.
And then I remember that, no, they probably wont…but thats [B][U]O.K. [/U][/B]
Every child deserves their own personality, traits, characteristics not to be compared with anyone else’s. Sometimes it bothers the heck of out me that people cant even keep me and my sisters straight. We are 2 years apart and do look and act similar, but its almost like living in someone else’s shadow!!
Im glad my kids will have their own stories and identities.

I hope this helps a little. If you have any further questions, etc, please feel free to ask me!![/QUOTE]

Thank you for this Rach. We went with a donor embryo and are so excited. I have a sister who looks exactly like me and we look just like mom. It took me a long time to feel ok that my child won’t look like me. Anyway, this is helpful to read.


#5

Hello,

I thought I’d chime in and share a few photos.

I have b/g twins from embryo donation. I conceived on my first FET cycle with donated embryos after almost 4 years of unsuccessful tries with my own eggs. I put in two and both stuck.

Also, fyi, studies have shown that putting in two does not increase your chance of success significantly (maybe an extra 6%) but increases your chance of twins by nearly 50%. Not trying to talk you out of two though because having twins has been awesome! But don’t feel like you have to put in two to improve chances especially if you have blastocysts.

Anyway, attached are two photos. One of me and one of my daughter. I have an open donation so I am in touch with the donor family and even they say that it is uncanny how much my twins look like me and my family. I have other friends with children through donor embryos and their children also bear uncanny resemblance to their mothers. There are studies on epigenetics that support this too.


#6

Thanks so much. Really appreciate all your feedback. I have been taking it all in and trying to communicate my feelings. I really feel good deep down about doing DE, it’s just been a huge thing to absorb and comprehend. I am very excited about our upcoming transfer, and pray very much that it works. We are all truly blessed to be able to have this as a method to having a child. Thanks for letting me know about putting one embryo in is just as good of a chance as putting in two. I know my own limitations, and don’t think I could handle twins, along with my three year old. But, I do want to increase the odds of this working. Sounds like doing one good quality embryo is just as good of a chance as doing two. Just have put in a lot of time, energy and expense for this cycle, and really praying it works. We are ready to complete our family and move on with our lives. It has been a very long journey and I’m tired and hopeful. Thanks, Kari


#7

cold feet & EA

Just wanted to chime in that I have also had second thoughts since beginning the EA journey. I backed out of a match after cd3 monitoring because I just didn’t feel right about the match. This was after our first match fell through because they couldn’t get consents from the donors. After that, we found our own match on Miracles Waiting, and those two transfers were unsuccessful. The funny thing is that at the time, I was very gung-ho about that match, but in the end, I was a little relieved (I know it sounds horrible!) bc I realized that openness turned out not to be my cup of tea after all.

Currently, I am in the 2ww with anonymously donated embryos and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the prospect! For us, we had to go through what we went through in order to feel comfortable with this match. We would not have been comfortable with this match when we started considering EA.

Go with your gut. Good luck!


#8

Thought I would send an update. We finally made it to the transfer, it was today!! It went well, we put in one 5AA donor embryo. I did 6 weeks of acupuncture prep, and am currently still on heparin, estrogen and progesterone injections. So much work, but hopefully really worth it. Will be a long 2ww, but fingers fingers crossed and lots of prayers. Feeling very grateful for being given this opportunity for the donor embryo.:pray:


#9

Best of luck and :bsv: .http://i47.tinypic.com/15pihe9.jpg[/IMG http://i45.tinypic.com/242wrp0.jpg


#10

[quote=anilorak13ska]Just wanted to chime in that I have also had second thoughts since beginning the EA journey. I backed out of a match after cd3 monitoring because I just didn’t feel right about the match. This was after our first match fell through because they couldn’t get consents from the donors. After that, we found our own match on Miracles Waiting, and those two transfers were unsuccessful. The funny thing is that at the time, I was very gung-ho about that match, but in the end, I was a little relieved (I know it sounds horrible!) bc I realized that openness turned out not to be my cup of tea after all.

Currently, I am in the 2ww with anonymously donated embryos and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the prospect! For us, we had to go through what we went through in order to feel comfortable with this match. We would not have been comfortable with this match when we started considering EA.

Go with your gut. Good luck![/quote]

Hi - I just read your signature, and looks like you are pregnant! Congrats! Me too. So far so good, go in for my second ultrasound today, and am praying to hear a heartbeat!! How are you feeling about donor embryo now that you are pregnant? Hope all is well!