Feeling Worthless


This year is the start of year #4 for TTC. I’m going to be 32 this year and going to be married for 10. They say nothing is wrong with my Husband or myself. THAT is the frustrating part. Cousins on both sides are pregnant, meaning baby shower this month and next. No one in my family knows of our struggle so when my cousin who is 20 ends up pregnant 3 times in a year, it gets to me since she’d 20! She can’t even drink, she not financially stable and posts that she does not have money for food on Facebook but can buy gaming systems…My Mother is making me go to the shower (Remember, she doesn’t know of my issues. I’m a private person). My co workers know of my issues. A new girl started a year ago and from day one stated that she and her bf were trying to have a baby. Come to find out she was hired making more money than I do and my boss said I wouldn’t get a raise if I took that job knowing full well how to do it. Well wouldn’t you know, she’s pregnant, due next month!

She was made aware of my “issues” one day while she was going on about TTC. Another co worker took it upon herself to do me a “favor” and tell her. She has been going on just about everyday about all things concerning to pregnancy. She already has a son with her ex bf. Does she go on and on to spite me? I feel that way. So when my boss (A Man, who does not know my issues) asks about a baby shower for her, I said I do not want to be a part of it, He takes it as me being difficult. Then another co worker today (knowing I don’t want to participate) sends an email about contributing money toward a gift card. I said I didn’t want to and she said I should be nice. Another co worker wrote back in the email that this girl has feelings and she thinks she should contribute money so she will (she talks behind her back any other time). Yes, I work with a childish bunch of 45-64 year olds. Then there is me and the preggo who is 29. Is it wrong of me to not want to give money for a gift for someone who obviously doesn’t care about MY feelings?? I don’t know how much more I can stand, I’m surrounded and no one understands because it’s so easy for them to become pregnant I guess.


Just wanted to send you a virtual hug and let you know you’re not alone and what you’re feeling, as horrible as it is, is normal. I went through the same thing with a coworker (who just could NOT shut up about me getting pregnant, I had unexplained infertility as well). At one point she told me my best friend and I wouldn’t be friends anymore since she had a kid and I didn’t. She also talked about how awful and wasteful of money it was for her sister to go through IVF (this is while I was going through it as well). Unfortunately, nothing I said or did could shut her up and I just left the room or ignored her when I was around her. It’s unfortunate that no one in your office can try to understand where you are coming from and your feelings, but I would do exactly what you’re doing, refuse to be part of the shower and pregnancy talk. If someone brings it up to you again, maybe say it’s a sensitive topic and you’ve already made your feeling on it and contributing known.


To a certain extent, I know how you feel, but thank God, my environment was never mean or too much emphasizing on new pregnancies. If you don’t want to participate in gift, be self-confident and coldly express yourself by saying it’s your business and the nobody is to tell you what you should do. The way they express themselves openly,eexpress yourself as well, but don’t find. Show that you don’t care. As for your problem, there is such a thing as unexplained infertility. You haven’t been seen by the right dr. If you are able financially and check with your insurance, go and see dr. Jeffrey Braverman at Long Island. He runs many tests and I am sure he will find your readon. Gl and stay strong!




Halfprint- HAPPY NEW YEAR! Don’t worry about these people. They are not worth your time! I agree with Cosmo about not contributing to your co-worker’s gift. If you do not want to do it, dont. If others want to think less of you, let them. It seems to me that they are a judgemental/ double faced/ insensitive group anyhow. Please do not feel worthless!!! All of us are given different sets of cards to play in this life and we do the best we can. I am sure things will work out in the end. None of you ladies on this website should feel worthless. You are all very strong women. Also, I definitely agree with Cosmo about going to see a different doctor. GOOD LUCK!


This is a Test


Thank you. I decided today that I wanted to take the day off to think of ME. They are going in on getting a gift card and having pizza (she is diabetic now so is that a great choice?) I just don’t want to feel depressed and guilty about no participating so I opted to go get a massage that day and take my mind of everything. When I requested the day off, my boss said that is the day of the “shower” isn’t that funny and that he’ll just change the day (Doing this to get me going) so I said that I’ll take that day off too. He’s not going to change it, just being a jerk! Then tells me that I am taking the easy way out. That I should do the right thing and that I am going to have to listen to a lot of things I don’t like hearing people talk about like politics or religion. WHAT?! I thought I made it clear about what my issue is without coming out and saying it but I guess not. He’s not very empathetic anyway so what should I expect? You’re right, I should not let people make me feel guilty but that’s hard when it’s me alone against them. My Husband said it’s not right what he says, making me feel guilty and kind of obligated to take part. It’s not the money. I can afford that. It’s my sanity. I’m not doing something I do not want to do, do not HAVE to do. I am actually a nice person but this girl just rubs me the wrong way. Goes on about her bf making so much money but he jokes about pushing her down the stairs and calls her fat. Telling her she better work at losing the weight after baby. WHY would you tell your co-workers that? And she giggles about it. I don’t think she has much self confidence. I guess verbal abuse is better than no attention at all… to her anyway… As for the doctor. I really like my doctor. He said everything is fine. He would like to do IUI’s but my insurance does not cover it but they say my Husband’s does (now that I paid out of pocket for the first one). So now I am waiting for my claim to be approved to be sure. It may be stress seeing what I have to put up with 40 hours a week. Sad part is, I like my job. If the claim is approved, we will go back. The only good part in all this is that it makes you appreciate your child so much more if you end up having one. Most people don’t realize how lucky they are.


Take the day of her “shower” off that is. Next Friday…


Half pint- I would not go either! I am on my third IVF with no luck. I used to work in an OBGYN clinic and I have had 15 nieces and nephews since I have been trying to conceive. At one point I decided that I could not handle anyone in my family. I was so sick of the calls telling me they were pregnant that I told them to leave me alone and to never call me. They thought I was being harsh, but honestly I had to do something for myself. Everytime we would go to a family party I would cry and I was sick of that. It is totally unfair and my doctor told me that I should do something for myself when things like that happen so I think a massage is a GREAT idea!