Fertiles have no idea


#1

When a fertile wants to have a baby, well she and her partner have a baby.

When an infertile wants to have a baby, she must first make the RE appointment get the SA, the HSG. decide which treatment, how much is too much? is this all really worth it? (yes of course) then decide to spend the dollars. How strong is our relationship? does my partner want this as bad? everything needs to be considered and scrutinized. Then they tell us to just relax, take a holiday, etc.

I am venting and whats the worst part? it’s standing still and not doing anything, which is where I am at. I have a plan, but it’s going to take atleast six more months of saving, so that means six more months of obsessing. :grr:


#2

I know what you mean. Sometimes I think the time is the hardest part. It’s hard not to obsess when you have such a wait in between tries. Hang in there!


#3

yep

wow you are so right! i’m right there with you :slight_smile: one day its going to happen for us though- one way or another :wink:

Candi in TX


#4

fact

sometimes it feels like all they have to do is think about it and their ovaries drop and egg or ten…:af:

ok, that felt good to vent some


#5

It really is annoying, isn’t it? While I do have a positive outlook on things, it still doesn’t help when people not in my shoes try to offer advice or have ANYTHING to say about it really. So I have stopped talking to anyone except for very few. Here’s my favorite: “It’ll happen when you least expect it…take a break or a vacation…that’s what happened to us” :grr: :grr: :grr: Whatever. And shut up.


#6

Totally agree

I know what you mean, I have a friend who is pregnant with her 6th baby and she has told me I’m not pregnant because I’m too stressed about it. Well, considering she has gotten pregnant FIRST TRY 6 TIMES with NO miscarriages how the hell would she know??? (I’ve been trying since she was pg with baby no.5 and her 6th bub is due soon and we’re still not pg.)
I get sick of people saying things like, “oh, just get drunk and relax, that’s how it happened for us!” do they think we’ve never just got drunk and had sex??? Clearly we did in the beginning, just for a variety of reasons it didn’t happen for us.
Grrr! :grr:


#7

Hi

I know how it feels and how people behave,as i have friends who told me that ohhh we got pregnant both the times in one go…!!!

And people coming up and advising me that its high time ,i should visit a doctor…

and i will tell you sthg ,one lady in party with came up to me and asked me so whats heppening with my planning???i mean what conecrn u have…

Ladies,what i know is i dont share my problem with much people as half of them dont care and half of them are glad u have it…

#6 failed IVFs but i know i will be there…


#8

I feel the same way.people ask not because they care but because they are curious or to be happy that they are NORMAL … really???. i get constant advices to see a doctor (like i have never done and do not care) .

got severe endo and failed IUI;s but having my hopes in IVF.


#9

I feel the same way.people ask not because they care but because they are curious or to be happy that they are NORMAL … really???. i get constant advices to see a doctor (like i have never done and do not care) .

got severe endo and failed IUI;s but having my hopes in IVF.


#10

I am currently pregnant and it STILL bothers me how fertiles act once they get pregnant. I have had co-workers posting ultrasound pictures and announcing their pregnancy at 8 weeks! They just carry-on with no worries! Sorry ladies…but once you do get pregnant as an infertile…every milestone is so stressful…8 weeks, 12 weeks, telling people, NT scan, anatomy scan, etc. You never let go of that feeling of - could I miscarry again? What could go wrong? Where I feel like a lot of my fertile friends get pregnant and are immediately planning and happy and telling the world. I was VERY cautious about telling people…of course now 6 mos. pregnant with twins…people know just by looking at me!

The point is, once an infertile (even if you go on to have 8 kids) always an infertile! You never let the worry go once you’ve been thru what we have.

Summer


#11

So True! I was recently thinking about this as I’m only 13 weeks along and STILL terribly worried all the time. So much so that it’s difficult to rejoice in this pregnancy.

  1. Worry and Happiness are NOT mutually exclusive. I can be and am BOTH. It really hurts when people tell me I jsut need to be happy or my attitude may cause a mc. (like I need another stress)

  2. I read somewhere that my behavior is quite normal and it’s called defensive pessimisim. (Or something like that :slight_smile: ) It’s some derivative of post traumatic stress disorder. (I’m sure it is NOTHING like those who have been to war, but sometimes, infertility feels like one) Basically, it’s a way to try and protect ourselves from being hurt or disappointed again.

  3. No matter how many children I have (PRAY for just this one! :pray: ) my DH and I are forever changed by infertility. I will always carry with me the lessons I’ve learned through our struggle, both good and bad. I don’t know how anyone could have an experience like this and feel any different.


#12

yep!

[quote=Dee1983]I know what you mean, I have a friend who is pregnant with her 6th baby and she has told me I’m not pregnant because I’m too stressed about it. Well, considering she has gotten pregnant FIRST TRY 6 TIMES with NO miscarriages how the hell would she know??? (I’ve been trying since she was pg with baby no.5 and her 6th bub is due soon and we’re still not pg.)
I get sick of people saying things like, “oh, just get drunk and relax, that’s how it happened for us!” do they think we’ve never just got drunk and had sex??? Clearly we did in the beginning, just for a variety of reasons it didn’t happen for us.
Grrr! :grr:[/quote]

Dee you seem to be in the same exact boat as me in terms of iui’s and tries, wish you all the best with your IUI

Congrats Summerbaby and Coffeegal :clap:

All the above is so true, i’ve got the get drunk and relax and go on vacation etc. The WORST is when people are like, “oh when are you finally going to get pregnant, everyone in your family is currently pregnant or has had a baby within the last two years” i mean seriously? utterly frustrating.


#13

Thanks for your vent because I’m feeling the same way today! Call me scrooge, jaded, crabby- I don’t care. I’m tired of putting on a pleasant face and acting as if I’m OK- because I’m not.

I also get tired of the “relax” comments as I am struggling with the reality that my DH has NO sperm. Did the whole IVF @ Cornell with mTese and NOTHING.

I’m so exhausted and I know that we need a “break” but how can I take a break when my body and mind is telling me how much I desperately need a baby. I need to keep working on getting a baby but it’s taking SO long. This time of year is especially hard for me- all the families, toy shopping, etc… I just want to curl up and die.

My heart goes out to each and every one of you- infertility is a struggle that nobody can possibly understand unless they have experienced it.

Hugs and love…


#14

Just want all you ladies to know that you are in my thoughts, sometimes it feels like there are bad days and Infertility is kicking my *** days. The holidays are always hard especially when my family is wondering why we don’t have kids yet.