First BFP and chemical pregnancy


#1

I am an example of eating healthy, no caffeine for almost a year (I stopped consuming chocholate and decaf tea/coffee as well), doing acupuncture for 3 months once a week and pre and post transfer, praying and begging to God to give my blastocyst life, health and strength to become a healthy baby, grade A blastocyst, and still no baby. I was so afraid prior to last Friday that I would get a BFN so I prayed to God everyday and including today after i got a call from my doctor that my HCG level dropped that He would give me a baby or if it is not in His plan to give me a baby, to please strengthen my heart and give me peace to go through the BFN phase. And I am surprisingly calm right now. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot of things that I enjoyed to do/eat/drink for 3 months but I think maybe my blast wasn’t healthy and it’s my body’s natural way to eliminate abnormal cell (my blast) from my body and it is God’s way to show how He wants to protect me from getting ectopic pregnancy.

I am just trying to make sense of all of these. Deep in my heart I am very very sad but I asked God to make me strong right now and I dont want to cry because I have a meeting tomorrow and I don’t want to look like I got punched in the eyes. This sucks but I will get through this.

Also after going through this chemical pregnancy, I really think it takes just one healthy embryo for a successful pregnancy. It doesn’t matter if you eat healthy, do acupuncture every day, if the embryo is not normal it’s not going to implant correctly and grow normally. Heck, I watched my friend eating pizza and drank coke for breakfast and he has two babies and here I am telling my DH to eat healthy everyday. Thank you for listening.


#2

[QUOTE=alexi]I am an example of eating healthy, no caffeine for almost a year (I stopped consuming chocholate and decaf tea/coffee as well), doing acupuncture for 3 months once a week and pre and post transfer, praying and begging to God to give my blastocyst life, health and strength to become a healthy baby, grade A blastocyst, and still no baby. I was so afraid prior to last Friday that I would get a BFN so I prayed to God everyday and including today after i got a call from my doctor that my HCG level dropped that He would give me a baby or if it is not in His plan to give me a baby, to please strengthen my heart and give me peace to go through the BFN phase. And I am surprisingly calm right now. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot of things that I enjoyed to do/eat/drink for 3 months but I think maybe my blast wasn’t healthy and it’s my body’s natural way to eliminate abnormal cell (my blast) from my body and it is God’s way to show how He wants to protect me from getting ectopic pregnancy.

I am just trying to make sense of all of these. Deep in my heart I am very very sad but I asked God to make me strong right now and I dont want to cry because I have a meeting tomorrow and I don’t want to look like I got punched in the eyes. This sucks but I will get through this.

Also after going through this chemical pregnancy, I really think it takes just one healthy embryo for a successful pregnancy. It doesn’t matter if you eat healthy, do acupuncture every day, if the embryo is not normal it’s not going to implant correctly and grow normally. Heck, I watched my friend eating pizza and drank coke for breakfast and he has two babies and here I am telling my DH to eat healthy everyday. Thank you for listening.[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy. I also had a chemical pregnancy last month. I went from being so excited to quite depressed. I got a BFP for 3 full days, and my DH and I were so excited. However, after 3 full days of BFP’s, my AF came. I was quite depressed, but my family and DH didn’t really seem to understand why I was feeling so down in the dumps. My DH was disappointed, but I felt very depressed. I’m feeling much better now, and I’m in my next cycle of TTC, but a lot of people that I know still don’t seem to understand why my chemical pregnancy was so hard for me. Again, I’m so sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy. Best of luck to you! Take care :slight_smile:


#3

I honestly think chemicals are much harder to deal with than straight :bfn: . You finally get the news you’ve been praying for for years, and hope and excitement builds only to be ripped away from you, leaving you wonder what you did wrong or what’s wrong with your embies that they can’t hang around. At least with a :bfn: , you get the bad news over with quickly and you aren’t so high with :bfp: excitement that the fall isn’t as hard. Also, after 1 chemical or early m/c, you are robbed of letting yourself get excited about any future :bfp: . You become afraid of getting attached to the baby, and expect bad news at every beta test and u/s.

That’s how the past 8 months have been for me. Instead of being excited about my u/s in 2 days, I’m so afraid of bad news, I’d rather stay away so I can go on believing I’m still pregnant. All of my betas have been good, and the baby’s been measuring just as it should at every u/s, so I really have no reason to doubt other than that stupid chemical.

Didn’t mean to hijack your thread or ramble on, but your post just really struck a chord with me. The only reason I continued on with any treatments is because I’ve been praying and trusting God to reveal a better plan for me no matter what happens. I wish you luck in the future and hope God answers your prayers.


#4

Thank you. I know He will. I think I am handling the news well so far also is because my nurse warned me last Friday that it might just be chemical pregnancy due to super low beta but told me to come in to do a second beta. I am glad they warned me about that otherwise I would be so depressed right now. If she told me i got a BFN last friday i would be crying all weekend so three days of BFP gave me hope although it didn’t come to reality.

Another thing also, i never would have thought that I would even get a BFP ever. So i was kind of relieved when my nurse said it was positive but it was really low because now I know my body can get pregnant. I blamed myself for not being able to get pregnant all this while. However if this happens again, I will get upset. So I dont want anymore chemical pregnancies after this. Please, dear God. No more.


#5

With my chemical, my first beta came back at 121, which if you look at my signature, was much higher than it was with DS. It just made me so sure that this was going to be a good pregnancy. And then 2 days later, it wasn’t a pregnancy anymore.

IF is just so full of uncertainties and promises us nothing, but somehow, by the grace of God we manage to navigate and get through one day at a time.


#6

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I think really a loss is a loss no matter how long you go and you have to deal with it the best way you can.

I’ve had two chemicals one from IUI and one natural. They are devestating!

It is a positive sign though they you did get pregnant. Keep the faith that it will happen again and 9 months later you will have a healthy miracle baby! Good luck to you! :babydust:


#7

Thank you friends for the reassuring words. I feel so down today. I feel very very sad deep inside my heart. I had to get out of the office and got a hot chocholate (which i had quit during my FET cycle) to make me feel better.

I will be off tomorrow so I will have time to grief before having to be strong again for next cycle.


#8

just came across your post and wanted to say im sorry for the chemical.

wish you the best. take care.