I’ve had some ttc-induced crustiness the last few days and nobody to really share it with, so thought I’d post here where people understand!
My DH and I have decided for the first time ever in our lives not to go back home to see our families over Christmas. We’ve lived at the opposite end of the country for 6 of the last 7 years, but have always enjoyed going back to spend time with our families. The main reason we’re not going back is that I was pregnant earlier this year, and had a due date of early Jan, so at that point I realized that I would not be able to fly back at Christmas time. At first it was a bummer, but we started getting excited about our first Christmas alone and starting our own traditions, (plus all of the last minute baby prep of course). I miscarried before we told any of our families (though DH’s dad and I assume mom have since found out), but even afterwards it felt “right” to not make the trek this year. It’s such a crazy time of year, and emotions are high at the best of times, and this year I really need to know I can have my space if I need it and not be rushing around, or listening to my cousin’s wife blabber on about her two little ones, etc etc. Plus, we are genuinely excited about buying our first Christmas tree and first ever ornaments and just hunkering down.
I finally told my mom this weekend that we weren’t coming back, and of course got the huge guilt trip about it. It just pisses me off so much, because we really need to do this and I don’t feel I need to explain why to anyone if I don’t want to given that we’ve spent every Christmas together, and I’m in my mid 30’s! DH and I booked a tropical getaway leaving on the 28th, and I’m so glad that it is booked as I feel like if it wasn’t I’d be reconsidering my decision, but again not because it was the right thing for me, but because I felt bad for my mom! And that’s also annoying me too. Arggh!
And then there’s facebook, which is okay, but I swear every day this past week when I log in, there’s pictures of someone’s new baby, news that someone’s expecting another, pictures of a baby bump along with comments on how cute it is, ultrasound results, etc etc. And I’m not one of those facebook whores - I only have about 80 friends!
I’m also looking ahead to the next few months and trying to figure out some plans, but so much of it is tied to if I’m pregnant or not at a certain point, and if not what procedures I would be doing when that it’s just impossible not to feel like this is taking over my life and I just need to come along for the ride.
Thanks for listening, just needed to vent. I’m sure you guys can relate!