[quote=MrsGarrett]I am new here. Hello!
This week I got the news that there is a very low chance of me getting pregnant using my own eggs in IVF. I am still going to try, but I am trying to mentally prepare myself for using donor eggs.
My sister has already said she will give me her’s. She is done having her own children and says that she is fine with giving me her eggs. She says she is honored.
I am having a really hard time squaring this all up in my brain. This has been heart breaking and I am crying a lot about it. And I can’t help but think that I will just feel like an incubator, carying my sister and husband’s baby.
I want to use her eggs because she is genetically the closest thing I can get to myself without it being me. The baby will have a chance of resembling me. And I can’t think of any other woman I would rather have a baby with.
Plus, we just can’t afford an anonymous donor.
Anyone else out there been through this?[/quote]
I don’t see your age or backstory with your signature to know all your details, but I am considering donor eggs myself… not there yet, but maybe soon.
Anyhow, today I spoke to my local OB who has delivered my two bio kids and known me for 10 years… he said they do work with donors for a nearby fertility clinic and he is a fan of donor program. He says they are educated and many are med students… or folks that found out about this and then do it repeatedly because they do make a good bit of money and they feel like they are really making a difference to couples who can’t conceive. He said it’s funny because people use sperm donation all the time and it’s not a big deal, but people have a harder time accepting egg donation.
The price is higher of course, but the end result is the same in that it is a genetic match to only one parent. He says when you carry a baby, you feel no different once you are pregnant. He was an advocate (which kind of surprised me because he is very old school in his practice).
He said that most of the donors are altruistic (I can’t imagine doing this just to be nice!), but that is really what motivates them. I find that hard to believe but that is what he said about the donors they have had come through their clinic.
He has never liked AT ALL having a donor be a friend or relative and says that causes real problems down the line. It is always awkward and they do not suggest it. He makes no money either way because he sees the patience mostly just for a couple scans and blood draws. But he says many clinics roll their eyes wtih a family or friend donation… just creates problems.
Having said that, I cycled iwth a lady in NY who used her sister’s eggs. She delivered twins last spring and they are all happy with decision. Her sister lives in Europe though, so they are far away from each other. Not sure that would matter.
Anyhow… It made me feel a TON better to hear him say that parents love the donor egg baby and don’t ever see that child differently or question their decision after the first positive pregnancy test.
He also said “just between us” that adoptions nowadays are a racket and he is disgusted by it. That it is “selling babies” and totally a game. He said it used to be a really great thing for everyone involved… now it’s a business infertile or adoptive couples go through a lot often before they get a baby… meanwhile attorneys, doctors, adoption agencies are making a lot of money. So he said he feels that route is emotionally and financially really tough now.
Good luck on your decision. Find out exactly how much you would save using your sister’s eggs and make sure you work out all the details beforehand with a counselor so it all works out. I would personally love a related donor, but then, I am not an expert in how these things all work out.