Got the news on Thursday


#1

Hi Guys,

We got the news on Thursday that I have stage 4 endometriosis and bad PCOS. My uteris is not ready for an embrio and my eggs, should they get me to ovulate will be low grade. The dr isn’t holding out much hope for us having our own…I’m wiped!

I still need to come to work, I still need to attend all my meetings and face people, neither of which I want to do right now. I want to go somewhere and sit down, quietly and absorb this. It’s like it is too much to understand or accept. I’m in full denial after having spent the weekend in a floating stupor…It’s all I ever wanted: a baby, being pregnant, going through birth. I longed for it since I was old enough to have my first period.

Life just doesn’t seem worth it. No promotion or salary adjustment, awards for brilliant work or landing a new international client…nothing has meaning. Everything is senseless. I wake up, exercise, eat breakfast, work, go home, eat dinner, work some more, go to bed, wake up, exercise, eat breakfast…

Please tell me there is a way to break out of this. I must pull myself together for my husband and my job. Does anybody have any advice?

Any suggestions will be appreciated. I’m really at witt’s end
Thanks so much
Irmi


#2

[QUOTE=Irmi]Hi Guys,

We got the news on Thursday that I have stage 4 endometriosis and bad PCOS. My uteris is not ready for an embrio and my eggs, should they get me to ovulate will be low grade. The dr isn’t holding out much hope for us having our own…I’m wiped!

I still need to come to work, I still need to attend all my meetings and face people, neither of which I want to do right now. I want to go somewhere and sit down, quietly and absorb this. It’s like it is too much to understand or accept. I’m in full denial after having spent the weekend in a floating stupor…It’s all I ever wanted: a baby, being pregnant, going through birth. I longed for it since I was old enough to have my first period.

Life just doesn’t seem worth it. No promotion or salary adjustment, awards for brilliant work or landing a new international client…nothing has meaning. Everything is senseless. I wake up, exercise, eat breakfast, work, go home, eat dinner, work some more, go to bed, wake up, exercise, eat breakfast…

Please tell me there is a way to break out of this. I must pull myself together for my husband and my job. Does anybody have any advice?

Any suggestions will be appreciated. I’m really at witt’s end
Thanks so much
Irmi[/QUOTE]

No matter what situation you may be faced or where you are in the infertility journey, it is never easy. I can’t relate to your situation, but I do understand how you are feeling. My best advice is to take one day at a time and try to take some time to focus on yourself. Once you can move forward through the denial and depression phase (and you will), you may have a new outlook on the situation.
I know a girl who was told by 4 doctors she could not have children naturally… so she was successful through two rounds of IVF and now she is pregnant by herself. Even if this outcome may not happen for you, always know there are other avenues to take for children. Just remember to take it one day at a time and try not to beat yourself up. You can get through this… and remember we are all here for you! :grouphug:


#3

It’s completely normal to feel this way. This was a big blow to you and your DH. It’s okay to feel this way. When we found out I cried a lot, we fought, and I just moped. We would have appts with the RE, but I’d take the whole day off b/c I would be sad all day. I have days I don’t want to face anyone. Geez, I work at four schools and one is specifically for teen moms/pregnant girls.

Give yourself time to mourn. Cry all you want…you have every right to. But there comes a time when you need to decide what you’ll do. Become proactive. Be your own advocate. You have the information, now make your appts, research, start working towards getting better and preparing for possible chances through IVF or IUI. The one thing that I’ve gotten from all of this is you are way stronger than you think. You go through things that you didn’t even think you could handle. I’ve only been dealing with this since August. And we have grown so much! And we are all here for you.


#4

Thank you so much

Thank you so much to both of you! I really appreciate it! I can’t project manage this to perfection. I will take your advice and take it one day at a time, for now.

My appts are already scheduled. I went straight to a fertility clinic when my Gyne couldn’t help me get pregnant in 8 years. My husband is tense, I’m trying to make his life easier and all he can do is bite right now. I need his love so bad and yet I think I need to stay away from him for a while until he calms down. He’s making me feel like I’m doing him wrong. We both want a baby, last time I checked.

I need to relax tonight. I’m just not in a good place. My head knows it will pass, but my heart needs comfort tonight. I cannot rationalize it away. And he’s definitely not going to make it any easier in the mood he’s in.

Again, thank you sooo much for your replies. I keep on rereading them :slight_smile:


#5

I am so sorry you are going through this and what you are feeling is totally normal. I remember clear as day when I was told I had stage IV endo and most like would not be able to conceive on my own after several years. It was devastating However, I got pregnant naturally and have a beautiful, perfect 2 yr old son. :grouphug: and it will get easier, but I still have good days and bad days on this journey for #2.


#6

I’m not going to generalize husbands, but I can say that a lot of us have DHs who don’t know how to handle it. We have fought, especially about money and affording it. Then b/c we are MFI, he says he feels bad that he can’t give me what I want. It’s hard for them to express feelings. But you do have to talk about it eventually. Every once in awhile I will ask “You do want a baby right?” And the answer is always yes, but he worries about the money it will take. It’s like they are wired differently. The communicating is so different. But always keep an open line of communication. The anger and arguing subsides eventually. Then you become this team working towards the one goal.


#7

I completely agree w/ gigi and also want to add one thing: men are programmed to fix things. Unfortunately there isn’t a magic wand for your DH to use to have all your pain and the issues go away. Also, your DH is probably just as frustrated and feeling the way you feel… but is acting his feelings out. You both just need to be there for each other… this is a very stressful road and you will need each other for support. This is never easy…

Another recommendation is to try to get a new hobby. I have taken up Line-dancing… we go to a line-dancing bar every Friday. That keeps me looking forward to that instead of counting my cycle days, over analyzing my “symptoms” during the 2ww…

I know it feels that you won’t make it through this… I can probably say for everyone we have all felt that way. I know I feel that way almost every month. But the end result is so worth it to me; that’s what gets me to move forward :slight_smile: We are here for you!


#8

You are all angels, sent from heaven to help silly little people like me realise that we are not alone. You are right, I know this: he must be feeling the sense of helplessness in terms of being able to help me. He’s always been my soldier, my hero. He seems to swoop in at the most dire moments and fix everything. This time he must be feeling really helpless and from experience I know that this frustrates the living daylights out of him. My poor Man!

Thank you so much for the perspective Guys, I really appreciate it. :grouphug:

I hope that you’ll have a stunning day with lots of hope and success.


#9

I’m so sorry Irmi, I know it’s a lot to take in. It is such a loss and it takes time to grieve. I think I’ll always feel I’ve lost a part of myself by not being able to conceive naturally and that’s probably hard for people who haven’t been through it to grasp. But Gigi3’s advice about taking time to grieve but also time to be proactive is so smart. Just remember you have options once you’re ready to explore them. I just hope you’re able to give yourself lots of “treats” and some down time right now because you deserve it.


#10

One quick suggestion

Dr. Tamer Seckin in NY - who I should say is a family friend - is also doing some incredible work at the Endometriosis Foundation of America. He might be worth a consult. My best to you.


#11

Thank you so much Guys, I really am finding that some days are better than others, like you told me it would be. I couldn’t sleep last night and eventually just gave up, got up, went to the gym and now I’m at work.

I wish I could explain to you the amount in which I appreciate the support and advice. Thank you so much! I just hope I can return the love someday :grouphug:

Thanks to you Guys I do feel a sense of normality and kinship which, when I’m really battling reminds me that this is normal and I am not alone. I really appreciate it!


#12

Hi Irmi,
Have you had a complete infertility evaluation at a great clinic? Do you know your AMH level? I am “old” and have stage 3-4 endo (see signature, have huge recurrent endometrioma and that ovary still responds to stim well), but I am currently 35 wga with twins. Endo and PCOS can be overcome with IVF. I realize that we don’t have all of the details, but don’t give up too prematurely! Best wishes to you :grouphug: