Good Morning - I am curious if anyone here has tried marriage/infertility counseling? I will do anything to have a baby while my husband says if it happens naturally that’s great but doesn’t want to do go through all the procedures it will take to have one otherwise.I wonder so often how to reach a mutual decision when you are both at opposite ends…I have read about marriage/infertility counseling couples go through, but have my fears. I have in my mind that marriage counseling means your marriage is in trouble (which ours is not) but maybe with this huge decision we cannot reach together that maybe it is (but I do not want to think that). I love my husband and our life together and would never want to change anything other than to have a family (which tends to be our only problem). I’m just curious if anyone here has tried marriage/infertility counseling and has had any success. I so dream of being a family and cannot figure out why my husband is not as on board as I am. It can be so frustrating to feel alone and sad sometimes.
I’m of the opinion that marriage counseling never hurts anything. There’s such a stigma about it, but really it’s just an opportunity to sit in a safe place with a moderator and say things out loud. DH & I are both on our 2nd marriage, and we went to counseling within the first six months, just to make sure we were staying on the right track!
My wife and I went to infertility support group but i think i would rather go to a counsellor. The group we went had about 12 people at the time and it was a good place to vent and share your concerns. The focus was more on letting it go rather than how to heal from this. Which is why i think with a counsellor, they could help more with the healing rather than just venting. Then again, sometimes you just need to be around people that share your pain. So going out for help in any shape is a good thing, so i would encourage it. Men and women deal with this is many ways, i know on the surface men may not show it more, but i got so sick of bottling the anger that i decided to let it out… at least that way i won’t feel like i’m alone in this.
I think therapy can be beneficial for everyone!
I see an infertility counselor and she is AWESOME! She has helped a lot, I highly recommend one.
Ive seen 3 different ones and it has never helped me.
i tried it with my husband, who felt the same way about ivf, and i was actually pleasantly suprised … he liked it! he liked talking about it. and even though he told the therapist that he wouldnt do ivf, he ended up changing his position a couple weeks later.
I have to go through counseling…with my DH. The struggle has been a strain on our marriage.
Thank you all for your posts. I am still contimplating the idea while hoping that my DH will see my side of things. I think the hard thing will be finding a counselor who specializes in infertility in our area. Anyone have a good site to look for this type of counselor in a certain area?
Well I’m every-so-slightly biased because I’m actually working on my Masters degree right now to become an MFT (marriage and family therapist) and LPCC (licenced professional clinical counselor).
Yes, therapy helps - though I’d obviously not be doing my degree if I didn’t think that. But there are lots of well conducted, scientific studies out there, as well as TONS of anecdotal evidence that it helps, not just for infertility, but for any issue you want to name.
It might be hard to find a good therapist/counselor (all the same thing, we just call ourselves different things based on our theoretical approach), but keep trying. I had an individual session the other day with one of the psychologists at the help center where I work and I wondered how on earth she ever got licensed. But there are some great people out there too. Ask your clinic for referrals.
Having therapy doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble. One of my school friends goes every 2 years or so, for 4-6 sessions, just as a ‘tune up’. You have to maintain your car, why not your relationship?
What to look for - in the first session, best practice is that they will go over with you what their theory of therapy is - how it works, what they’ll do, talk with you about what you want out of it, explain all the limits to confidentiality (lots of couples therapists have a no-secrets policy for example, which means that if you go in for an individual session, anything you discuss there is open for discussion in your couples session too - they won’t be party to your secrets - more an issue if one of you is being unfaithful)
I could write for DAYS on all this stuff, so feel free to message me if you have any questions on this. I’m only 24 units into the 78 I have to take (it is definitely a rigorous process, its a 2.5 years degree if you do it full time including summer school, and then you have to have 3000 practical hours before you can sit for your licensing exams) so I’m in no way qualified yet to do therapy (and it’d be unethical to do it in this sort of a forum anyway), but I can explain different theories and concepts etc if you have any questions.
I too am getting my Marriage and Family degree and have been actually counseling couples in this area as I plan on it being an area of focus in my practice.
One book that I use and recommend to couples is Coping with Infertility, Clinically Proven Ways of Managing the Emotional Roller Coaster.
If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.