Have been trying for what seems like forever


#1

So my DH and I have been trying for what seems like forever. I got tired of being poked and prodded and driving 2 hours one way to see my fertility doc, so I proposed that we should take a break. It was hard for my DH because he really wants a baby but seeing how difficult it was getting for me, he agreed. We took a break for a couple of months, I even quit logging on here because it was too hard to see everyone’s BFPs. We continued to BD, we just didn’t schedule it or put any stress on ourselves. It was nice not to have ultrasounds, IUIs, surgeries, or drugs. The break has been good for us emotionally and physically. Recently, I have been thinking about starting fertility treatments back up again. So this month I started charting and monitoring my body, getting ready to go back to our doc next cycle. My body is usually like clockwork (unless on fertility drugs to induce ovulation) as I am usually a solid 30 day cycle. Based on that, today I am 4 days late. However, when I POAS on 4 days ago when AF was due it was negative. I am scared to test again because I just don’t want to see another BFN. I feel like a crazy person! I took a break so that I could relax and not stress - my first month back and I’m stressing all over again. Why does infertility have to be so emotionally draining? I have been holding out because the pessimist in me is waiting for AF to show her ugly head but the part of me that needs to be a mom wants to know now. I don’t miss this stress at all. I have read all the stories about women who take a break and wind up prego, but I just have a hard time believing it could ever happen to me. Ugh! I wish our bodies came with their own pregnancy tests that could reveal a definite BFP or BFN at the time of conception. Wouldn’t that be nice? How do you ladies do it? How do you build the courage to test after so many disappointments? And how do you cope with the BFNs?


#2

To be honest, I am a POAS maniac, I do it as much as possible, holding out is way too hard for me, so I give you props to be able to hold off. :slight_smile: You never know until you do it, just go in expecting a BFN so it doesn’t upset you if it is. Good luck! Let us know!


#3

I just tested again and got a big BFN. At this point I am just going to wait for AF. I am so close to just giving up and throwing in the towel on the whole baby thing. All the BFNs are getting to be just too much for me. Every time I let myself hope I just get disappointed.


#4

Hang in there. I too am not a fan of POAS -have been disappointed too many times so I only POAS when I absolutely need to. Don’t really have much more advice then to do what is best for you. This process can be VERY heartbreaking and all of us on here are waiting for our miracle to happen. Hang in there. Hope you get good news soon.


#5

After a year and a half of those hateful BFNs, I just typically tell myself over and over that it is near impossible for me to be pregnant. Awful, I know. I’m waiting for my AF right now (day 32) and am thinking too much about my sore breasts and my exhaustion. This is when I have to reiterate that I could not be pregnant. If only I had a regular cycle off of those darn medications (This is my 3rd month of no medication, so my body is still recovering after a 1 year+ on a slew of medications).

So, the way I do it is take a deep breath and tell myself that I know it will be negative. Then, after I see my negative, I let out a deep, irritated breath, curse at it, throw it in the garbage and go on with my day. Lol.

Such a hard skin we grow when in the infertile world!
Just know you are not alone and many others are feeling the same disappointment.

GOOD LUCK!!!


#6

how I handle it

I usually say a really bad curse word and throw it in the trash with anger. Then I go lay in my bed for about an hour and cry/stare with the covers pulled over my head. Then I eat ice cream and try to watch a good movie. I am very good at this after 3 years of TTC. I stopped POAS before my beta test because I felt I did not need to accelerate the pain. Usually my period starts before they call so I already know that it is a :bfn:. The next week is a blur because by day 3 you are back to the sonogram, ordering meds, starting a varitey of meds and doctor negotiations.
repeat… repeat…repeat…repeat x years and years…
Sorry, I think I am venting.