Having a REALLY bad day...


#1

well gals, i think i’m just into self-loathing today…had CD3 US this morning to begin Gonal-F protocol: cycle cancelled due to a big cyst from OHSS (thanks clomid…) so another month gone. we have enough gonal-f for two or maybe 3 cycles, but don’t even know if it will give us any better results than we’ve had.

DD will be 8 soon, i’m greatful for her and have more love than you can imagine, but i feel so selfish today because I want more than anything to have another baby. i know many of you don’t even have one, so please forgive me for this…

DH and i have an appt tonight with our adoption case worker. we got into an agency about 3 years ago when we started all this. name came up in the spring, then DH lost his job. we had to back out. our case worker said it would probably be another 12-18 months, but here we are, our name is back up! (dh got a new and better job)

i want to be happy for this and i want to go ahead, but i’m still holding out hope for a pregnancy. is this selfish and wrong? because i feel like it is…it looks like God is leading us towards adopting, and i really want to, but a part of me is beginning to mourn the loss of a pregnancy…what is wrong with me???


#2

Whenever I had a failed cycle, I gave my self a few hours to be upset, and then it was time to pick up my head and move on. Its understandable to be upset, but dwelling on it and taking on a “woe is me” attitude wasn’t at all helpful. So each time I had a failure, by late morning I was over it. Because you HAVE to be. Negative thinking gets you nowhere.

That being said…mourn the fact that this month is out…and then move on. Focus your energy into the adoption. When your cycle starts next month, try again. Because there is nothing else you can do about it.

I hope that doesn’t sound harsh…but I found for myself that it wasn’t healthy to sit around and be woeful. Instead I needed to stay strong and positive. So stay strong…great things will happen, whether it be the adoption, pregnancy, or perhaps you will be doubly blessed. Don’t hold off hope for either…they are both wonderful and you will be blessed with either!!!


#3

yes, i do completely agree with this. and usually, i don’t even really get upset at the BFN. i know what we went through for DD so i expected some issues. i think that it’s just been SOOOOO long this time (over 2 years now) and starting to wear on me.

not harsh at all…thanks for your kind words. -a-