well gals, i think i’m just into self-loathing today…had CD3 US this morning to begin Gonal-F protocol: cycle cancelled due to a big cyst from OHSS (thanks clomid…) so another month gone. we have enough gonal-f for two or maybe 3 cycles, but don’t even know if it will give us any better results than we’ve had.
DD will be 8 soon, i’m greatful for her and have more love than you can imagine, but i feel so selfish today because I want more than anything to have another baby. i know many of you don’t even have one, so please forgive me for this…
DH and i have an appt tonight with our adoption case worker. we got into an agency about 3 years ago when we started all this. name came up in the spring, then DH lost his job. we had to back out. our case worker said it would probably be another 12-18 months, but here we are, our name is back up! (dh got a new and better job)
i want to be happy for this and i want to go ahead, but i’m still holding out hope for a pregnancy. is this selfish and wrong? because i feel like it is…it looks like God is leading us towards adopting, and i really want to, but a part of me is beginning to mourn the loss of a pregnancy…what is wrong with me???