Heart Broke Daddy


#1

so as you can tell from the title im the dad. we lost our little one last friday 11-11-11. we where 19w that day. but baby was only measuring 14w4d. i really am taking it hard. i feel horrible. we where past the first trimester. i thought for sure we would be bringing home a baby. my wife and i opted for delivery. we didnt want a d&c. we found out that night that the baby was a boy. that kinda makes it harder for me. i guess any daddy really. its all still a blur, i only remember bits and pieces from the 48 hours from when we found out that there was no hb till we where back home. we have been going thru infertility treatments and this was the second pregnancy that we have had with them. the first was a miscarriage at 6w3d. which would have been due 11-15-11. so it is making this miscarriage even harder. we have talked and we are naming the baby Jonah. the hospital we delivered at will be burring our baby with other babies on Jan 27th and the services will be Jan 28th. he will be buried in a special casket, with other miscarriages in a special cemetery. this place is just for babies lost. its a “garden of angles.” i have been taking this so hard, iv lost all interest in things i love. i just dont want to leave my wife alone. and i just dont have the motivation to get up and do the things i use to. i know its only been just over a week, and that it will get better over time. i guess the reason i am posting this is just to get my story out. i know im not the only one in the world that has gone thru this, but i am the only one that has in my family. i know my thoughts are rambled. but this is how i think. this is my story. the story of my Jonah.


#2

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Jonah. You and your wife have been through so much. A loss is so hard in any situation, but to go through infertility treatments and then suffer a loss is so difficult. I won’t pretend to know what it feels like to lose a baby at 19 weeks, but I wanted to reply to you. There are just no words to say. I am truly sorry and will keep you and your family in my prayers.


#3

My heart just broke reading your story. I hope that one day you get to take home your baby.
There is a saying, “IVF brings you to your knees and dares you to stagger to your feet again”. Whether a person does IVF, IUI, injections, or whatever, it is all a painful journey full of hope and sometimes the most horrible of heartache. I truly hope you one day you can share all the love you have to offer.


#4

All I can say is that I’m praying for you.

God Bless

PS Love the name Jonah!


#5

I am sorry for your loss. I have never gotten that far to lose a baby but we have lost many. Our last was almost 10 weeks and we ended up miscarrying at home. Not knowing what to do with the baby we put it in a little box and buried the baby in our yard. We then planted a tree. We named the baby Alex since we didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl. It does get easier as you focus your attention on the next step. I hope that the burial will find you comfort. And that you can get some answers as to why this happened. I will say some prayers for you.

Keep your head up and just trudge forward. Be with your wife as she needs you as much as you need her. :grouphug:


#6

I was very saddened when I read your post. I’m so very sorry for your loss. We lost our twin girls on Sep 19th at 21w5d. I didn’t think I had enough strength and courage to live after we lost them. I think of them all the time but I can tell you that although it still hurts very much, it does get a little easier to get up in the morning. I am praying for you, your wife and baby Jonah.


#7

I’m very sorry for your loss, I’m heartbroken for you and your wife. my DH and I went throught the same exact thing last yr 8/2010, we were 20 weeks preggers when we found out the baby suffered brain damage due to hydracephalus and we terminated the pregnancy at 21 weeks, b/c thi was also conceived with IUI and i was already 73yrs wed ecided to have a natural birth which was the less invasive way and also the thought of him being 20 weeks and being &C jst broke our hearts.

we went into the hospital and i asked the dr’s to put me on (cant think of the name but they gave me shot to not feel the contraxtions) needles to say we went throught 18 hrs of labor because i was medicated it prlonged it even more. our baby was born sept 2nd 2010, we names him Ethan, in our state and our hospital after 20 weeks you are asked to make your own arrangements for funeral they cannot cremate him there.

it was the most painful experience we both went through (and believe me this time i can say i undersantd your pain all too well. my husband also took the loss harder than i thought he would and a yr later still cries over our loss. if i can give you any advise talk about your loss seek help for you and your wife to help you grief.

My husband was very supportive but is not very well at expressing his feeling with others and to his friends, family and coworkers he seemed to be dealing with this very well, even with me it wasn’t until the 1yr anniv of our angel when we visited him at the cemetry that i realized how hurt and and depressed he was (after this loss we also had 2 more pregnancy than ended in m/c aat 7 and 8 weeks).

It turns out around the 1yr anniv we ready to go back to the IF dr’s (or i thought we were)and start IUI again, my husband trying to comfort me went along with the decision to start all over again and never told me he needed more time. i ended up preggers after this IUI in 9/2011 and when i gave himthe news he was mad and angry at me b/c he wasn’t ready and was terrified to go through this all over again. he said i obsessed over getting pregnant again and did’n’t see ow he was hurting over Ethan’s loss.

Short story i feel we both wanted to comfort each other over our baby’s loss that we hid our emotions from each other not even knowing and we were still trying to grief. my DH who I love very mcuh and know he loves me as well called me selfish and was angry at me for not seeing hm hurt (he said i should know him better and should’ve have known how much he was hurting, but i put his feelings aside to complete my mission of getting preggers again). he was so mad he left the house for about a week (mind you i always thought this tragedy had made our reLationship unbreakable). When he hurt the baby’s HB he came bacK home and apolgized for freaking out and said he was scared to go all over this again.

Tragically this last gregnancy also ended in a D&E on 11/18, because baby had trisomy 18 but now I know where he stands and have to be more awre of his feelings and sensitivity with his feeling.

We are now going to counseling trying to overcome the anger that gre between us and fear of our baby losses.

please give your sympathy to your DW