There are folks in our lives, loved ones even, who do not understand why we would go through so much, and take on such expense, in order to bring our snowbabies home.
We have been using the “we know that this is right for us right now,” explanation…
But somehow the “I still don’t get it,” look still bothers me.
Is it just my problem–that I want folks to be on fire praying and hoping with us, when that’s too much to ask of them?
Have any of you found helpful ways to explain it to folks who just don’t get it?
And by the way…
:bsv: to all! We here, at least, all understand (i think).
I dont have any helpful answers but know your not alone, we had the same issues with our family too. My husbands father cant even understand still to this day after we have his grandson why we went in debit “just for a baby” in his words and then to have my parents pay for a whole IVF round for us. No one will EVER understand whats it like to go through any of this until they have done it themself. I put all my trust in God that it was what were suppose to do. After my son was born I know who matters in life and who does not there were a lot of people that supported us that I didnt expect too and lots of close loved ones that didnt support us which took me by surprise. I guess it opened my eyes on who and what mattered in life. Good lUck to you! I am here to understand you !!! :grouphug: and :bsv: to you!
I think some just won’t ever get it no matter how much you try to explain it so I think overall you just have to be comfortable with what you are doing and know that it is right for you and not worry about anyone else.
However, I think of infertility as one might any other illness in that there are often underlying reasons one is infertile (such as in my sisters case which was hypothyroidism and my case which was hypothryoidism, hyperprolatinemia, and Polycystic ovaries) and it is important to look into why one is having trouble conceiving because in doing so it can reveal those underlying conditions that need to be diagnosed and treated in order to have a healthy life and quality future. This to me is above and beyond that of conception itself. Point is…the bigger question is if you know there is something that isn’t right why would you NOT get help to figure out what it is and how to treat it. To me that is more puzzling of a question. They just think about it the wrong way because they think of it as an elective rather than a health issue that should be looked at and dealt with.
If you know you have an infection do you just ignore it because it might take some time out to go to the Doctor and get treated or do you let it get worse? In my case had I not gotten help getting pregnant we may never have found these other health related issues and in my case I would have just gotten sicker and sicker so…
That is how I look at it.
You may find too that many who don’t get it have no trouble having children so of course they don’t get it–it was easy for them and often for them in order not to have more kids than they want they have to put money and effort into not getting pregnant so…their thoughts are why would you try so hard when in their minds it should be something that is easy.
Fact is, many of these same people will spend a fortune on their house or cars they don’t need, but because they enjoy having the space or the leather. So why is that okay, but you putting all this time, money, and effort into having another human being not worth it in their eyes? They are the ones whose priorities are screwed up, but try to explain it to them and they likely won’t listen anyway. Some might try to understand, but will never really get it and then there are those that just want to cast judgement. You just have to decide what is best for you in your situation and not let their thoughts get to you. :grouphug:
I’ll see your people who don’t understand the emotional and physical struggles of infertility or the desire to have a child more than anything and raise you a people who don’t understand why you’d be willing to go all through this as a single person. I TOTALLY GET IT!!! I just gave up trying to explain it to people and basically told people in as polite a way as I could that they didn’t need to understand it, they just needed to be accepting, supportive and non-judging.
I totally get what you are saying. You are not alone. Some people just can’t fathom going into debt or what we put our bodies through. I really like ahhny’s perspective - these are REAL biological, physiological problems that need to be treated. Maybe if you explain it that way people we understand? Personally, I just don’t share all of this with people who I suspect won’t be understanding or who would judge me.
I have a tough time being nice after a while. I think answer that came out the other day was “Yes, it’s alot of money, but luckily its all mine to spend how I want”. My DH and I want a baby so badly, WE are willing to do what ever it takes for us. If someone is not in that situation they can’t understand the desire. We just got a :bfn: yesterday - it was devastating but we decided today that that just means it is time for round 2 or 3 or 4 or what ever it takes for us. We currently have 11 snowbabies. When we have tried with all of them - we will be done. In the end it will probably cost us about well over 50K - but it’s our choice and no body elses.
Good Luck to you! Someone told us yesterday that our take home baby just hasn’t been brought to us yet - and untill they are - we will keep going.