Hi ladies; looking for encouragement


#1

Hi there, fertility community…

I’ve been off and on this forum for a little while, and I wanted to start this thread to see if anyone out there has a little encouragement or help as I navigate thru this difficult process.

I did an IVF in October (ended in blighted ovum at 7 wks) and an FET in January (ended in miscarriage/trisomies 7 and 22 at 8 wks). I have my last two frozen embryos left and am scheduled for another FET in May.

I’m barely a month past the last miscarriage, and now I’m getting pretty terrified that my two remaining embryos will have chromosomal abnormalities or some other problem like my last two pregnancies did. (My clinic does not offer PGD.) They are 6 day hatching embryos – 5BA and 5BB. The last two I transferred were non-hatching 4AA and 3BB. Anyway, I know there is no guarantee in this process, but the miscarriages have just been SO hard.

I feel like my whole life is at a standstill while I wait for this to happen. I feel numb, sad, and pretty hopeless. Don’t get me wrong, I was THRILLED when I was pregnant last time, but I just wan’t lucky enough for it to last. It feels like I am going thru each day just trying to get thru the day – I’m probably depressed – and I need to get out of this funk.

What do you to make it through all of these psychological challenges?? I feel like I will never have a child… it is heartbreak every day!! I’d love to hear from anyone who has some encouragement.


#2

I am so sorry. I wish I could jump through the computer screen and give you a huge hug. I have been there so many times. It is very normal to be depressed after everything you have been through. Allow yourself time to grieve.

Things that have helped me…

  1. I relied heavily on my Father in Heaven. I don’t think I could have made it through without His comfort.
  2. I am a planner. It was helpful for me to research and have a next step planned.
  3. I tried to find something unrelated to motherhood that I could do for myself (get in better shape, new hobby, etc.)
  4. We have spent 15 years TTC and dealing with pregnancy loss. 10 of those years we also did foster care. It allowed me to be a mom even though I was not able to keep them. (although saying goodbye was very difficult)
  5. Talking to others about what I was going through —like you are doing here :slight_smile:

I wish you didn’t have to endure this trial. I pray that you will be able to hold your forever baby in your arms soon. (((HUGS)))


#3

:grouphug:

So glad you reached out, because there is so much help and hope on here. While I haven’t been through exactly what you experienced, I’ve had to deal with infertility and all it’s baggage, too. I agree with the pp that a strong faith really helped me get through it all. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but I believe that God has a perfect plan for all of us and His timing is better than ours.

Another thing that helped me was to take a vacation and get away from everything fertility related. A strong relationship with your partner is very important in getting through all of this, since you’re going through it together. I found that getting away together and being able to reconnect as a couple is a great help. It helps reaffirm why you fell in love in the first place, and reminds you of the good things in life outside of getting pregnant and having a baby. We went away a month before I started my last cycle, and I was so much more relaxed going into it.

And lastly, just to give you a bit of hope, there’s a girl that I became threads with on another thread in here, whose experience was very similar to yours. She experienced several losses and failed cycles, and decided to take a break. A few months into her “break” and she conceived the old-fashioned way! She is currently about 20 weeks along. Miracles can happen, so don’t lose faith!

Good luck with whatever you decide. I’ll be praying for you.


#4

Hi BabyAloha and Jessica,

Thanks so much!!! I am really trying to be hopeful and I know that I’m not alone in this experience – so many other women going thru the same difficulties – but it’s amazing how isolating it can feel. I bounce back and forth between being positive and then being seriously in the dumps.

You are right about taking a vacation – I need to do that. In fact, I think I will attempt to plan something straight away. I’m feeling a lot better yesterday and today, but being on this roller coaster can be a little unpredictable, as we know…

BabyAloha… I cannot begin to imagine having 16 losses. You must be very, very strong!! I am wishing you the BIGGEST, BRIGHTEST hopes for you!! Big hugs to all of us!! :grouphug: