How Do you Cope w/ the Anxiety & Obsession?!


#1

Hi Everyone, I thought I would throw this out there to find out how you guys handle the anxiety during this whole IVF process?

My husband and I haven’t even STARTED treatment yet, and I’m already driving myself crazy. We have our consultation scheduled for August 12th, and once we jump that hurdle, we will still have to find out how to pay for treatments. Needless to say, this will be a long journey.

I’m the type of person who needs a ton of information about anything I am going through, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve done so much research I can’t research anymore without going to college! (haha). I’m going stir crazy and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to make things happen faster.

I would think this feeling is similar to the 2ww, where you just have to wait and see…

How do you handle the anxiety and obsession?


#2

[QUOTE=OhForCakesSake]Hi Everyone, I thought I would throw this out there to find out how you guys handle the anxiety during this whole IVF process?

My husband and I haven’t even STARTED treatment yet, and I’m already driving myself crazy. We have our consultation scheduled for August 12th, and once we jump that hurdle, we will still have to find out how to pay for treatments. Needless to say, this will be a long journey.

I’m the type of person who needs a ton of information about anything I am going through, but I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve done so much research I can’t research anymore without going to college! (haha). I’m going stir crazy and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to make things happen faster.

I would think this feeling is similar to the 2ww, where you just have to wait and see…

How do you handle the anxiety and obsession?[/QUOTE]

Gee, don’t I know the feeling. I’ve never been so fixated on anything in my life, and I really hate having my mind commandeered by the IVF journey. Thinking of ways to keep my wife distracted (since its really her frame of mind that matters the most in this case) is a great way to pass the time. I guess you don’t have that opportunity :slight_smile:

However, sometimes I find that helping other people on this board with their questions can be therapeutic. You don’t have to be an expert either, sometimes simply your experience with the process is enough to help someone.

I hope your upcoming cycle goes well.


#3

Demian, you are such a great husband:)
My anxiety is my husband now. He is being in the state of despair these days and I understand.time is running fast and this takes time. Plus we spent 3.5 years with no results. We live in the environment where everyone has 4 +kids and most of the time no if issues.so, there is a lot of pressure.
May God help us all.


#4

Demian, great advice :slight_smile: Thanks, I guess I never thought about it that way!


#5

I know what you mean about it being all you can think about. I even dream about it. I am in the 2ww right now and it is maddening. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, but it is difficult. I’ve booked a lot of dates with my friends these next few weeks.

My advice is to focus on each step separately. First get through the consultation then the financial stuff, then comes the blood work, sis ultrasound and mock transfer. Then you get your IVF med tutorial and a calendar I’d events. Then you start suppressing then when AF arrives a baseline ultrasound, starting simulations, ultrasounds and bloodwork every other day then you will trigger have your retrieval, transfer 2ww and then a beta. All together it can be 8 weeks or longer from start to finish. Approach each step as if it were the last and ate things as they come. It worked for me. Now all I have left to do is wait.

Good luck :grouphug:


#6

[QUOTE=cosmopolitan4112008]Demian, you are such a great husband:)
My anxiety is my husband now. He is being in the state of despair these days and I understand.time is running fast and this takes time. Plus we spent 3.5 years with no results. We live in the environment where everyone has 4 +kids and most of the time no if issues.so, there is a lot of pressure.
May God help us all.[/QUOTE]

Cosmopolitan, I know just how you and your husband feel. Infertility grinds at the spirit. It stalks every happy moment. It makes you frightened to enjoy all the things of simple beauty that enriched your life before when you knew that parenthood was your fate: Fall leaves, Christmas trees, star-lit nights. But now, being aware of one’s infertility, you can’t help but notice that you [I]should [/I]be enjoying that beauty with your children. What’s worse is that it warps the joy you should feel for others, because seeing the joy of others’ is a reminder of the joy you are missing.

I know your husband’s despondency all too well.
When you’ve spent years seeing your future son or daughter again and again in your imagination, you take it for granted that they will one day be in this world. They become as real in your mind as you could see them in your arms. And when suddenly you are told that they may never be— and that the clock is ticking— every day that goes by is a day they grow fainter in your imagination. Perhaps this is a small taste of what it is like to see one’s child wither away from some wasting disease. The kind of grief that you feel.

What strangely helps me is understanding my place in the world and the vast misfortune of others. After seeing the grinding poverty of the slums of Mumbai and Delhi, its hard to feel so sorry for myself and it forces me to see all of the things in my life I should feel fortunate for.


#7

[QUOTE=OhForCakesSake]Demian, great advice :slight_smile: Thanks, I guess I never thought about it that way![/QUOTE]

I think Humducky had some great advice too. IVF can seem like a pretty nasty gauntlet, and breaking up the process into psychologically “bite sized” steps helps tremendously.

Also, while this is sort of an abstraction, it helps to understand that regardless of the outcome, your desires and expectations in life tend to adjust to readjusted options. In other words, even if things don’t work out, you will come to accept the outcome and embrace the unexpected opportunities that are born of your apparent failures.


#8

Yeah, definitely good advice from Humducky too! I will give that a shot as well. Because I do find myself stressing over things that are WAYYYY off in the future, and there’s really no point because I can’t change it! One step at a time :slight_smile: Thanks everyone! I appreciate the support!


#9

I have a blog post in 2009 (before my first IVF) that is very similar to how you are feeling now. What is interesting is that by IVF #4 (where I am now), I’ve become somewhat apathetic to the process.

One of the very important things? Take care of yourself during the process. I try to find a few 30-60 minute blocks a week to focus on something other than IVF.

Some of the ideas have been:

Acupuncture
Massage
Manicure/Pedicure
Indulging in gelato or insanely expensive chocolates, or a special dessert (mmm)
Lazing in a a bubble bath (and hey, I get to shop for pretty smelling soapy/candley things too)
Reading a fluffy magazine at the coffee shop
Strolling around the lake at the park
Enjoying a date night or picnic with my husband
Stretching, breathing, & meditating
Ambling to the farmer’s market
Indulging in an afternoon nap
Shopping for makeup & accessories
Baking

Bascially whatever calms you down and takes your mind off IVF.


#10

Acupuncture

I have anxiety and stress about everything. I started acupuncture a couple weeks before starting treatment and it has really helped.


#11

I wanted to chime in & say good luck. Ivf can make all your dreams come true. Stay positive & keep moving forward.


#12

When I get anxiety and stress I get dark circles around eyes. That instigates my co- workers and friends to ask why I looked tensed and stressed out. Because I want to avoid such questions and (unnecessary) concerns, I want to try to look relaxed. That’s my primary motivation to avoid anxiety. If I know I am getting worried and freaked out, I do some light exercises and eat some healthy food - nuts especially. That makes me feel a little better.
I also wonder if anxiety and getting worried will help with anything at all - and the answer is always NO.
Then why worry?
Although these things help a bit, I should admit that infertility makes me very sad at times. Physical+mental+financial stress all at the same time is not easy at all! :grr:
Good luck everyone! :pray:


#13

It’s such a difficult long process, it was hard for me to feel any type of joy during that period. This forum helped me a lot. It is like grieving for someone that was never here, its an ache that never goes away. But I was blessed to have a friend that was there for me in my melt downs and never judged me when I lost it at times. Cry if you need to… be patient with your self. And take it one small goal/victory at a time. Acupuncture was also a stress reliever. It helped me to have my sister with me during the 2ww. I put myself on bedrest lol but I think it helped. She kept me distracted and helped me a ton.