How do you overcome the fear


#1

I had three miscarriages back in 2006-2007 this is when we were first trying and before going to an RE. They were all chemical. I went on to have two healthy babies (well one not so healthy but born and has few health problems now!) I found out that I have a blood clotting disorder and endometroisis and other things check my signature. This last February I got pregnant and we were so happy. We heard the heart beat and baby was measuring right on track. Once we heard the heart beat I really wasn’t that worried since the chance of miscarriage dramatically is reduced. I was 10 weeks exactly and I lost all of my pregnancy symptoms I could tell something wasn’t right. I went into the ER figuring they would give me the ok and I would get to see the baby moving around and calm my fears. When I got the u/s I could immediately tell there was no heart beat. I asked and the tech said she can’t tell me that. Well I have seen enough u/s to know when the heart beat is gone. The baby measured 9 weeks 6 days so I think I lost it the day before I went in. It was devastating. I went in the following week to confirm that the baby was gone. We took cyctotec and I miscarried at home. We buried the baby in the backyard and planted a tree.

I am lucky enough to be pregnant again after trying since we lost the last. (three natural cycle’s and one clomid cycle resulted in :bfn: ) I am so nervous. I am on lovenox and baby asprin and folbic, but I was on this stuff last time. I go for a u/s in two weeks but I am dreading not seeing the heart beat. I don’t know if I can do it again. How does everyone get through the anticipation and the wait. I don’t know how to just calm down about it. I :pray: each day that God will allow this baby to born happy healthy and normal. I just don’t know why I lost the last baby and I don’t know if I can emotionally go through it again. Any insight or suggestions.


#2

Hey, just wanted to respond to you. I too went through a miscarriage last year. What was even more devastating was the fact that it happened around christmas. Like you, I knew something wasn’t right as I started to lose a lot of my symptoms around 8 weeks. When we went for our 1st u/s at 7 weeks, the tech was not very hopeful as the baby was measuring about a week behind and I knew my dates to be exact. Anyway, everyone including my ob told me not to worry. Anyway, around 9 weeks are started spotting and I knew in my heart that the baby was gone and the u/s confirmed it. Then I had to wait an extra week for a d&c, it was the longest week of my life because I had no idea when I would start miscarrying and I would bleed off and on. Then 2 days before Christmas I got the d&c, not a great Christmas gift. So needless to say christmas will always have a different feeling for me.

I just try to take one day at a time with this pregnancy. I look forward to different milestones. Like 1st looked forward to my nt scan at 12 weeks, then I looked forward to the 2nd trimester has been the 2nd milestone, now I’m looking forward to 20 weeks for the anatomy scan, then at 26 weeks viability, etc…but it never gets easy. I still get nervous about things here and there and since I’m having twins, it’s been double worry for me. I try as much as I can not to look up bad things on the Internet as well. And just try to surround myself with positive things. I also try to keep myself distracted with watching something funny on tv or reading a book. I just started writing in a pregnancy journal as well.

Sorry for the long post, hope it helps. Just know u are not alone in this as there are many women on here that have been where u have been and have overcome all the odds. Good luck.


#3

Oh, hon. I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. I came to this board to ask a similar question of how do you deal with the fear.

I miscarried in 2008 after trying for 7 months and to put it mildly I went kazoo. I fell into a deep depression and what pushed me over the edge was discovering 6 months later that my husband was technically infertile and that it was simply due to my ‘incredible fertility’ that I ever got pregnant. Of course I heard that as ‘if I were tougher and stronger I would have stayed pregnant.’ I now know that is madness.

We started to pursue IVF and in time my depression led to the failure of my marriage. :frowning:

Not long later I met a very nice man in a coffee shop. We became friends and then more. We were married in September! :cheer:

But we are now TTC. I am in the TWW of our first cycle and I am absolutely terrified of EVERYTHING. I am scared of it not happening for us, scared of getting pregnant because I might miscarry, scared of all of it really.

So very long reply, I guess boils down to is sharing our fears with people who love us. We do not need to be frightened alone (mistake I made last time). There are people both in this forum, but also in our real lives who are more than happy to hold our hands and help us cope with this roller coaster one day at a time.


#4

New Jersey, It all is a roller coaster! One that we want to be on, but the turns and drop offs are scary. It sounds like you are a fertile person so hopefully you won’t have any trouble conceiving. There is really nothing we can do to prevent a miscarriage and that is what is so hard to deal with. You are not in control of any of this fertility stuff really. I pray and try to stay positive, but everyday my fears are still there and I don’t think they will ever leave.

Best of luck to you and your new DH I wish you the best on you :dance: :bsv: to you!


#5

Looking for hope

Due to what we believe was an amnio-related infection we had to induce labor at 18 weeks. Our twins sons, Noah and Tristan were born last week and died shortly after birth. I’ve read so many of your posts and cannot believe how often this has happened. All I know is that I want to try again, but am not sure I could possibly bear the worry. This is our 3rd loss in five years. I’m sick that we even did the amnio in the first place since we used donor eggs. We were just so worried after all we’d been through that it seemed like such a low risk. Not low enough.

I’m so sorry for all your losses. I know how horrible it is.

Don’t really understand all the acronyms and widgets on this forum so I’m just going to skip that part. Thanks.


#6

Hi Erinfrowe - I see your post is from back in January, but I wanted to comment anyway :slight_smile: I lost my baby at 24 weeks from premature rupture of membranes (due to preterm labor starting at 19 weeks) They assume is was likely an infection as well.
The doctors told me the next pregnancy I have I will be able to get cervical swabs to make sure there is no infection.
Is this something that could have helped you or help you with your next baby?
Blessings to you, I really hope you are taking care of yourself. I am so sorry to hear about Tristan and Noah.
Try not to have regrets. There is nothing you can do, or you would! There are days for me that are literally crippling when I let my mind think through all the what-ifs.
Stay strong, Mama.


#7

Dear Loveyousweetbaby, Thanks so much for your reply. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s devastating. I appreciate your info and will look into it, when the time comes. Have you moved forward with trying to get pregnant again? I wish you all the best. E


#8

I am so sorry for your losses. I recently lost a baby in December due to PROM at 16 wks. We are getting ready to try again this spring and I am terrified. I too cannot wait to start trying again (we’re shooting for an early May transfer), but am absolutely terrified of being pregnant again. The toughest thing for me right now is trying to get enough energy to start the process again. I feel so emotionally exhausted, I cannot believe I want to get back on the roller coaster. I wonder sometimes how I’ll be able to manage it all. You are definitely not alone in your feelings. It is so hard to move forward when you have no idea what the future holds.


#9

Ladies I am teary reading of your losses. I hope this year brings you the little ones you dream of. I’m about 2 weeks away from my FET and find myself getting scared as we had a miscarriage last September after IVF, so I’m excited but incredibly nervous at the same time. I also found out the day my loss was confirmed that they induced me 3 weeks early with my daughter as they thought my water was infected. She had to stay in the NICU for 2 weeks to regulate her temperature and she had trouble feeding. I was so young and naive that I didn’t even remember that was why they induced me. I had a fever and was already partially dialated when they induced me. I thought I just had a fever and the baby was at risk from that. Now that I know I will be worrying about that too as all I could think was what if that had happened earlier on!

I pray our fears and anxieties from our past pregnancies aren’t carried over into new one’s. :pray:


#10

I feel the same way

My DH and I have been trying to begin our family for nearly 8 years. We’ve been down many roads and each seems to be filled with disappointments. We were therefore ecstatic when our first IVF led to a :bfp: . We were sure this was the end of our struggles and the joy we have been waiting for would soon enter our lives. We were shocked that my 8 week ultrasound revealed that the heartbeat that was there a week before had stopped. We were devastated. I couldn’t bear waiting for a natural miscarriage so we had a D&C on 12/15. We were able to bury our angel at an area monastery. Now we are starting our next IVF cycle. While I am excited and our RE is optimistic, I also feel that I will be nervous every step of the way. I am praying and praying for faith and peace in my heart. I will take the advice I see here of taking it one milestone at a time. Sorry for the long post! You are all in my prayers.


#11

Thank you for your replies. It is astonishing how resilient you all are. It’s real proof in the power of our hopes and dreams. I pray that 2012 brings much joy and peace to all of us. I suppose in the end all we can do is take one day at a time, enjoy the good moments and try to remember that the bad ones will pass. I know how hard it is, how grueling it can be after a loss. When you’re grieving, the days seem endlessly long, you feel sometimes like you’re going crazy. But it helps to read these posts and to be inspired by so much strength. Thank you.