Good morning, goodness, i feel like i am posting everyday but it seems like every day i have new feelings and anxiety about this process. I can’t tell you how happy i am to have you ladies here for support.
I am projected to start stims on feb 18 and am now starting to look at donors. My boyfriend and i are doing this together and, i have to admit, the relationship is fragile right now. We have been together for over 13 years and since i am soon to be 41 and 1/2, at his suggestion, we have set our issues aside, and are moving forward with this.
We did ivf in spetember with the intention of doing pgd, because for some personal trait issues he did not wish to have any males. We ended up with no day 6 embryos. We now have one cycle left and plan on doing a fresh transfer with donor sperm.
At first i was comfortable with the donor sperm but now i am feeling doubts about it. I feel like there are so many decisions to make now and in the future. Obviously, this is my last chance no matter what happens in the relationship. He says he has accepted this as our only choice but keeps telling me that i am the one who has to pick the donor and he will give some input. Is this normal? I was going to select four choices and have him pick one of them. Some days i feel so confidnt about this but it seems like every day i break down in tears for a few minutes about this whole thing. I feel like he is not as involved as he should be in this process but at the same timehe has told me that he feels sad because he is “selecting” his replacement, as he put it.
I know some of you will say we need counseling and i agree. i have gotten some but he is unable to get some due to his work schedule and he refuses to postpone this any longer. I just feel like this is a mistake sometimes and i wont be able to undo it.
I would welcome any advice that you have.