I am a frequent poster on this board, but for all who don’t know my history here is a quick re-cap. At the age of 21 I was disgnosed with Stage 4 endo, I was riddled with it (all over tubes, bowels, intestines, ovaries and outside of uterus). At 26 I got married and me and my DH sought out an RE to start with IVF to start a family. I started seeing an RE, went through my first IVF cycle, transfered 1 blast and 1 9cell grade B…:bfn: . Was told I had hydro in both tubes but that was not a concern. Did research and decided to switch RE’s and started seeing an immunology RE. Was told hydro is a cause for concern and through new RE’s recomendation and 2 other opinions decided to have both of my tubes removed. Had immunology b/w done and found I had elevated NK cells. On to IVF #2 had 16 eggs retrieved but DH had no sperm (he has what they call intermittent sperm, sometimes there sometimes not? No cause identified) All 16 EGGS frozen. FET #1 (Mtese retrieved plenty of sperm) out of 16 eggs only 5 survive thawing and 3 fertilize. By Day 2 only one is surviving, had 2dt of 4cell grade A…:bfn: . IVF #3- 14 eggs retrieved, 11 fertilize, all set for 5dt and BAM! Hurricane Irene blows in, have to do 3dt, put back 1-8cell and 2-6cell Grade A embryos,( 8 frozen embabies on day 3)…:bfn: . RE believes we are dealing with an implantation issue, adding Lovenox to meds and new and rarely used drug for IVF called Neupogen. Fet #2, 4 frosties thawed out and allowed to grow to Day 5, 3 make it to blast, 5dt of all 3 blasts…:bfp: ! This was my first :bfp: EVER. My Beta’s were all doubling and things were looking up. Then at 17dp5dt I started having some mild cramping, went to the b-room and had some light pink bleeding when I wiped so called RE to come in for an early u/s. By the time I got to the office (appx. 3 hrs later) the bleeding had gotten a little heavier (not as heavy as my period). Had the u/s done and saw a sac, yolk, early stage of fetal pole. Was assured everything looked good (right on track). When I left the office still nervous but not as worried I noticed by that night the bleeding had turned to a small amount of brown staining. Woke up the next morning and a little light pink when wiped, but then immediately turned to very little brown staining again (no cramps since the morning before and no clotting). By the next day, no more brown or pink… nothing at all. Was so relieved and now I was just waiting for my next u/s in 5 more days. Go in for my 2nd u/s this past Monday (24dp5dt) and as Im sitting waiting in the room, me and DH are joking and laughing… we are so excited. BIG MISTAKE… RE does u/s and there is nothing there!!! No sac, no nothing. I have miscarried… beta test confirms my levels have dropped to 6. RE asks if after he had seen me if I had any heavy bleeding or cramping or clots, I told him no not at all (even on my heaviest bleeding day, the day I saw him I was not even filling one pad the entire day).
Now I am completely devestated and have not gotten out of bed in the last 3 days. I have only managed to eat twice in 3 days b/c I just have no appetite and I just cry all the time. I can’t help thinking what did I do to make this happen??? What could I have done to avoid this? I just don’t know how to deal with this miscarriage. I have 4 more frosties and we are going to go ahead with another FET, but now Im having dreams that none of the 4 are going to make it to blast and we will have to start all over from the beginning. This will be my 6th cycle and over the past 3 years have spent appx. $50,000 on fertility. This has delayed us buying a house, and I am starting to think that at 29y/o I thought I would have more in life by now. No home to own, no children, just heartache, stress, and feeling empty. I’m sorry for the long post but for the past 3 years this forum has really helped me let things out that I have a hard time dealing with. Any advice or kind words are more than appreciated!