How to cope with loss of unborn child?


#1

My name is Ashley i have a little boy who is my world he will be 10 in a week i thank god for him everyday. I got married in 2008 & me & my husband have been trying to have a baby every since to complete our little family. Well on Nov 30th of this year we found out we were expecting we could not have been more happy. However i was having alot of problems & we endedup being told we misscarried then another dr said no you didnt it may just be a perfectly healthy early pregnancy so of course our hopes were so very high. Well last fri while takeing my son to school i got the most horrible pain in my lower stomach area however i tried to ignoe it as i had stuff to get done by time to pic my son up from school. the pain kept coming and going By 4pm i was doubled over on the floor & my huusband then rushed me to the hospital all tests & ultrasounds showed our biggest fear an ectoptic tuabl pregnancy mine got quite bad that my left tube had comp[letely ruptured & ihad started belleding internaly already. Surgery went well they said both ovaries & right tube look good & could have a normal healthy baby down the road. However this has all happened so fast my emotions are so up & down i don’t know how to deal with this some peopl act like that due to the fact our child was never born that there is nothing to cope with. Well i feel very different and so does my husband we lost our child wich was only about 6-8weeks the Dr said but its still our child and its devistating. Any tips on how to deal with this? Im trying to stay so strong for both my son & husband but sometimes all i want to do is cry myself to sleep is this normal?


#2

I had an ectopic in 2001 at just 18 and I tell you now that may not have been a fully grown child but I have a c scar on my stomach that reminds me everyday that I cannot hold my baby.

There is no easy way of coping with this, to me a baby is a baby from the time its in there you feel different act different and love uncontrollably.

You are more than normal to cry over this loss and some days it will be the hardest thing you have ever had to cope with emotionally.

When this happened to me I asked them to let me go with my baby because the thought of being here without it was to much to live with.

The only piece of advice I can give you with going through 1 ectopic and 7 miscarriages also being told my chances of ever delivering a baby to term were and still are slim is cry when you need to and grieve when you need to never feel that just because they are not born you dont have the right, they are in there and you know it and feel it, keeping it all inside will make you fall apart.
Talk to people who have gone through the same and family and friends who have more understanding to what your going through.
Look at your beautiful boy every time possible and remember you are a loving and great mum to him and if it is to be you will get that chance again I hope sooner rather than later and I hope with every part of me this never has to happen again, I am a lucky 1 after my first ectopic I have never had another and I hope you are 1 of the lucky ones as well and never have to be in this pain again…

All the best for a speedy recovery and a healthy baby


#3

Hi Ashley, first of all I just want to say how sorry I am for your lost loosing a wanted baby at any stage of pregnancy is not an easy thing to go through. 12 years ago I lost my baby under different circumstances but never the less I relate to other people’s ignorance by not acknowledging that you once was carrying a new life and now sadly your baby has gone. :wings: I found it very hard to talk to any family or friends because no one I knew had experienced loosing their child. Most people can only relate to some things that are visual, if they can not see it is easy to act like nothing was ever there. To us we know our babies were alive because we dealt with the emotions and crazy symptoms.
12 years down the line and I am still not over my ordeal however, I can say things do/can get better. I do not believe people get over such a major loss for those who can I think over time we just learn to accept it and gently move on. I found naming my baby helped because when I talked about my loss family and friends responded better. I called her Alyshia, I also bought a garden plant in remembrance of her and a little garden ornament. When ever we sit in our garden family and friends will comment on Alyshia’s plant and say things like ‘Alyshia’s flowers are growing beautiful aren’t they’ :flower:. On the anniversary of me loosing her I light a little candle both me and my hubby and say a little pray to tell her that we love her and that she will never be forgotten :pray:.
These are just a few things that I did that I found help me through the pain, I started to feel better once my family and close friends saw her as part of the family although we never got to meet her. I am sincerely thinking of you both and wish you the best of luck in the future, take you time things will get better for you both. :grouphug:


#4

Sorry don’t have any idea about that, i think you should
try to go hospital and contact from doctor.