How to respond to stupid questions??


#1

I was at a Hanukkah party last night and a so called friend came up to me for a chat. She was telling me how adorable my daughter is and how big she has gotten. Then turns to me and asks when is #2! I wanted to scream “ask god b/c I have had 3 miscarriages!” Why do women ask such stupid questions… I would never ask a single woman “when are you getting married?”, or a married woman “when are you having kids?” B/c you don’t know what is going on in their lives! I have everything I need in life, a wonder DH and an adorable DD! If #2 comes either by me or adoption I will be blessed, but for right now can’t friends let me enjoy what I have instead of having expect more!!

Amy


#2

I hate when people do that!! We have been married for 7 years and last fews have been trying for #1. As soon as people ask how long we’ve been married, immediately they want to know why we dont have kids.
I have a feeling they want me to say that we dont want any.


#3

I can sympathize with you for sure. DH and I have been married for 2 years now and the first thing people always ask is Why dont you too have any kids yet?! What are you waiting for? Its even harder because DH is older than me and I have actually had people say Your hubby isnt going to want to be an “old” dad, is he? Geez, people can be so rude!


#4

When people ask rude questions of me I either tell them exactly what we have been going through to shut them up or ask why does that matter to them and why would they make such a very personal comment to me. So I think the best thing is to either be frank, rude right back or just change the subject and let it roll off your back and chalk off the remarks to their just being clueless.


#5

I hate that people ask such questions and so am being completely up front about what we are going through. I try to do it in a matter of fact way, but its painful because I don’t want to be constantly thinking about it, at least anymore than I already do! I think there are some people who because they don’t see the emotion though, don’t really ‘get’ how bad it is. Lots of “oh, dont worry about it and it’ll happen”. :grr:


#6

You know what I do? I say, nice as pie, “Well, I’ve had 5 surgeries, 2 invitros, 2 Frozen transfers, spent thousands of dollars and had to process the grief of a miscarriage, so your guess is as good as mine.” I GUARENTEE that woman will never be so thoughtless to someone ever again. Why should we make it easy on people to be so rude? I say let them squirm and feel uncomfortable. You’ll be doing all the future women she’d have done that to a big service.


#7

I know it’s hard when people as insensitive questions. I think, generally, though, they aren’t trying to be mean. They are just clueless. So here are two ideas for retorts:

  1. Say, “I’m ready when God is.” Which I think sort of conveys that you’re trying, but it hasn’t worked; or

  2. Say “What kind of tampons do you use? I just thought since we’re asking really personal questions, I could ask.” (I stole this idea from a really funny youtube video on mothers of multiples.) I think this is sort of a funny way of letting someone know that the question is too personal.


#8

Thank you all!! You made me smile today and I needed that. Next time I will tell them the straight and blunt answer!!! Tried naturally this month without any drugs and feeling the AF!!! Since the 4 pregnancies and 3 miscarriages I know the signs of a BFP and this is not one of them! Any how moving on to next month…


#9

I used to ask…

I thought it was normal conversation to ask about a future family after marriage… until I started having fertility issues… I don’t ask anymore. I know it is easy to freak out… but it is just ignorance on thier part. We didn’t know how much this sucked until it happend to us! We can not expect others to know.


#10

i pretty much do what jen does- i march it all right in front of their faces, right down to the 50k of debt we have as a result, i mention the miscarriage that i had before dd, the chemical pregnancy i had last month, the 15 months of shots, pills, iui’s, hsg’s, sa’s, lap’s, dermoidectomy, wedge resection, etc and that will guaranteed shut them up. i’ve even had people give that nervous, embarrased laugh and walk away. EVERY PERSON YOU MEET is having some sort of struggle in their life. go ahead, ask me about mine…