How to tell a friend about my pregnancy


#1

I have struggled with infertility for 6 years now and I have had great success. None the less it has been a struggle and an emotional rollar coaster. I have a good friend who has a child, but is currently stuggling to get pregnant with her third. She is listening to her ob (despite me telling her to go to an RE) and waiting a year before she explores with a specialist. I am pregnant now and I have had my trouble and still do, but I don’t want to tell her. I know that this is ridiculous and she is a friend and of all people I know how it is to struggle and go through the BFN and miscarriages but I still don’t know how to approach it. We are getting together this weekend and I plan on not saying anything ( I am not really showing.) First off DH and I have told no one and don’t plan to untill we are further along since I do have miscarriages and have some trouble, so hiding it is what I have been doing for the past 10 weeks. Second I don’t want to lie to her, but I don’t want to spend the weekend with her too if it will be too much for her to handle. (We also are meeting up with a friend who had a new baby and one of our other friends are pregnant). SO I plan to hide it and say nothing and let her know by phone or text when we are not face to face.

Maybe I will change my mind once I am able to gage the situation. She may ask and if she does I can’t lie, and I know that infertility, child bearing will be brought up. I plan to say that we are trying and would like too.
What do you guys honestly think since we have all been in this situation (other way around)?


#2

Personally, I’m the world’s worst liar and am painfully blunt, so I’d probably just tell her. I’d probably say something like “I was going to keep this from you for a bit because I don’t want to hurt you knowing your struggles and with my history success isn’t set in stone yet, but felt sharing with you was better than hiding.” But you know you and you know your friend, so I’m sure you’ll pick the exact right course for your situation. :slight_smile:

Congrats!


#3

You mentioned you wanted to wait a litte longer before telling her. A good time might be after your Level II ultrasound around the 19th-20th week, which is often when gender is known and you can get more info on how the baby is developing. On the other hand, if you’re showing earlier than that, you could say something sooner.

Also, learning your good news may inspire her to get to an RE sooner than later.


#4

The level II ultrasound is when we plan to tell most people. I guess I will start to show so others may find out, but my particular friend does not live in the area I live in and this is nothing I would be announcing on face book etc

Thanks for the input


#5

It’s funny you mention this. You probably have NEVER been in this situation, only on the other end. My friend is 11 wks pregnant and as I am sad that I have yet to conceive I also know that the world doesn’t revolve around my infertility. You should never feel bad or put your plans on “hold” so to not upset your friend.
Anyway, my friend has a friend who tried for only six months and finally got pregnant. She told EVERYONE when she was only 5 weeks pregnant. Well my friend didn’t tell us until she was 11 wks. So when her friend told her the news, my friend was still not ready to share her good news, or steal her “thunder”. Sadly, her friend miscarried. They would’ve been one week apart on their due dates…It is really sad, and there is no right way to say it. But I do agree with a previous post about it may encourage her to see an RE. She knows how much of a struggle you have had and she will be happy for you. Sure she will probably cry and it will be hard for her to talk about it at first but keeping it from her will make her feel broken or like somethings wrong with her.
Congrats on your BFP!!! I am three days past ovulation ( natural cycle ) so I pray God blesses me this year too!
I wish you all the best. I hope everything turns out ok.


#6

In regard to telling her about the pregnancy, it’s up to you. I know in the past I’ve had friends be blunt with me and others who kept it a secret. It was way more painful when they hid it from me.


#7

I would call her before getting together … I’d tell her the news with something like… I’m not really telling anyone because it’s early. I’m only telling people who would cry with me if something went wrong… Give her the chance to deal with the news in her own way. I am happy for friends and clients…when I hear their news…however it sucks when it’s sprung on me and I can’t be alone because I usually end up crying…

Congrats to you!


#8

I agree with pixel. I would tell her in advance so she can deal with her feelings on her own. I also found it harder when people kept it from me. My SIL didn’t tell us till she was 18 weeks with #2 as she knew we were doing a cycle and would find out if it worked and then she could celebrate with us… well it didn’t work that time and she ended up telling us just as I started to feel better, making me feel worse all over again. It would have been better for her to tell me when I was midcycle as I could have been excited for her and to join her. I also felt that people who weren’t telling me their news thought I could not handle it and that made me feel worse.

I would just prepare yourself for a bad response. She might say something mean, or not congratulate you or something else that might be upsetting but just try to remember how you felt and forgive her and hopefully by the time she sees you she will be over her hurt and on to feeling happy for you.

Good luck.


#9

[B]When I suspected I was pregnant for the third time I just told close friends…there was one that I kept it from her at the beginning …like when I was 4 or 5 weeks in and when I told her it was awkward at first but then it was okay…I told her when I was probably 6 or 7 weeks in. I found out extremely early…So most of my friends family and coworkers knew. Like the above post said maybe it would encourage her to seek help. I had a rough time with my sil, while she miscarried in december I announced I was pregnant beginning January. It was weird and I swear she was avoiding me…she only came once to my house when I was 4 months , didn’t come to my baby shower and came when I gave birth. It was very weird. [/B]