I lost my baby :(


#21

Thank-you.


#22

Rachela,
I am so sorry, there is nothing you did that was wrong.
The quote “It’s not the end until it’s ok… if it isn’t ok, it’s not yet the end.” kept me off the edge last year.


#23

Oh, no. I am so terribly heartbroken for you.

I have seen so many of your posts and you are such an asset to these forums.

I wish there was some way I could help. In the absence of that, I am sending warm thoughts.


#24

I am so sorry for your loss.


#25

[quote=luv4rachela]The last two days have been a nightmare. I truly thought this wouldn’t happen to us on our last try, especially after making it to BFP, and then hb. I thought that God had answered our prayers, but apparently there is another plan for us. :frowning:
My ultrasound on Tuesday showed that the baby stopped growing over the weekend. No heartbeat, which I saw on the screen immediately. I had another u/s at the OB’s later in the day, same thing. We did a D&C today to be able to send viable tissue for a karyotype. If I have lost a second, normal baby after treating my MTHFR with heparin and Neevo, we will look into adoption. If the karyotype is abnormal (which I hope to be the case), we will do donor embryos in CZ. I so desperately hope that my body has not failed me again.
I am posting this update because so many people have been kind to me and cheered me on in the last several weeks. You are all such special people, and this bond that we share is one of a kind. Only people that have walked in these shoes know what I am feeling. I wanted so say thank-you for all of your support and love; it has always been a source of comfort to me.[/quote]

Oh no!! I am so, so sorry for your loss!! I was really hoping this one would stick for you.:grouphug: to you and DH. IF sucks.


#26

Rachel,

my cycle buddy and best person I can call when I am confused, stressed, sad…I am so sorry. My heart is breaking for you and dh :frowning: I am here for you.

Alicia:grouphug:


#27

Love you too Alicia. I’m so glad we met here on this forum, because now we are friends for life.

Thank-you to everyone for all the kind words of support. I am trying to keep busy today, just to keep my mind off of things. I have moments of tears, and moments where I am looking to the future. I can’t let myself think about losing this baby for even a moment. It is just too shocking still. I can’t believe it. Everything happened so fast.


#28

So sorry for your loss. My heart sank while reading your post. I know it would not be easy for you to deal what you have lost but don’t loose hope. Please take care of your self.


#29

[QUOTE=luv4rachela]The last two days have been a nightmare. I truly thought this wouldn’t happen to us on our last try, especially after making it to BFP, and then hb. I thought that God had answered our prayers, but apparently there is another plan for us. :frowning:
My ultrasound on Tuesday showed that the baby stopped growing over the weekend. No heartbeat, which I saw on the screen immediately. I had another u/s at the OB’s later in the day, same thing. We did a D&C today to be able to send viable tissue for a karyotype. If I have lost a second, normal baby after treating my MTHFR with heparin and Neevo, we will look into adoption. If the karyotype is abnormal (which I hope to be the case), we will do donor embryos in CZ. I so desperately hope that my body has not failed me again.
I am posting this update because so many people have been kind to me and cheered me on in the last several weeks. You are all such special people, and this bond that we share is one of a kind. Only people that have walked in these shoes know what I am feeling. I wanted so say thank-you for all of your support and love; it has always been a source of comfort to me.[/QUOTE]

luv4rachela I am so very sorry to hear of your loss! :grouphug: You are correct only people who have gone through a loss actually knows how it feels!! I too was once there as this year i had a terrible start to the year with a few family problems then i can remember praying on my knees one day and cried to God asking if he can make me be happy again and please grant me the wish of having a child which wanted so much and that same month i got pregnant. I was so excited. I couldn’t believe God had heard my cry and answered that same month. I even felt like telling the world as i was so sure it was our little miracle that it didn’t matter about the 12 weeks wait as nothing would happen as God had given it to us well thank God i held off and only told our immediate family as soon as we were done celebrating and i actually started to believe it was real then all went downhill. had an eptopic pregnancy and i was so mad at God not only because i loss it but how it happened! I mean i know it’s natural to have mc but nooo it had to be even worse with having surgery and also removing my tube as if loosing it wasn’t enough! For a while i was in a dark place with God but i have come to accept it and believe that somehow he will give me double for my trouble and started praying again as maybe he knew best and so fingers cross this cycle might be the one!

So hold on to hope and i :pray: you will be at peace and know that it is never over! God will one day give you the double for your troubles and reward you with a baby. xx


#30

Thank-you princessmk. It’s so unfair that some of us have to struggle so much. Sometimes I wonder if I have bad karma, but that’s just being silly. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Certainly we are stronger for it. I hope you get a wonderful present over these holidays, and I’ll be checking for your update. I wish you the best!!:grouphug:


#31

[QUOTE=luv4rachela]Thank-you princessmk. It’s so unfair that some of us have to struggle so much. Sometimes I wonder if I have bad karma, but that’s just being silly. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Certainly we are stronger for it. I hope you get a wonderful present over these holidays, and I’ll be checking for your update. I wish you the best!!:grouphug:[/QUOTE]

Thanks i hope so too. I read ur signature and seen how much you have gone through and here i am complaining of my one!! You are such a strong person and show such grace in your time of sadness. I do truly hope one day you will get ur hearts desire.


#32

The fact is, no matter how many losses any of us have, we are all feeling the same emptiness. Our arms ache for the child that will never be, and it hurts us both just the same. I too pray that one day our prayers will be answered with most precious of rewards.


#33

Just want to tell you I am thinking of you during this difficult time. The words which are coming to my head (favourite quote): [B]It ain’t over till until the fat lady sings![/B] Keep your chin up, it is not over!!!

Love,

D


#34

:frowning: omg I am sooooo sorry. I know I don’t know you but I wish I could snap my fingers and make it not be so.


#35

Luv4Rachela…I’m so sorry to hear about your loss–I look for updates from the May group, and was so excited for you…I know this is heartbreaking right now…sending you healing thoughts, and cheering you on…


#36

Thanks Livingaloha. It has been a rough couple of weeks. I just got back my fetal karyotype of normal female. It is impossible to say if the result was fetal tissue or me, and I’ve chosen not to karyotype myself to compare. Being after Jan 1st, it will cost me quite a bit, and very likely could come back that the result was me. At this point we are going to do donor embryos in CZ. I am hoping I can find a RE there, or my old RE here, that will give me intralipids or prednisone. I am running out of treatment options to stop me from miscarrying.


#37

Rachel,
Good luck with your new plan - we considered this very seriously. I figured that at the very least it would be an amazing vacation experience. I am really hopeful that this plan will work for you and that you have just had some bad luck to date. I can’t wait to read how it goes! Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:


#38

Bethany- Did you go to CZ for your successful cycle? If so, what particular clinic?


#39

No, we stuck with our great local clinic for my final try. I seriously considered going to CZ before we decided to adopt domestically. I truly felt great about our adoption experience with a lot of healing from IF issues, but I wanted the chance for DD to have a sibling. Because we had her, I felt less afraid of another “failure” with IVF which I think contributed at least a little to our success thus far. But, I think that genetic luck at my age may have a lot to do with it too.


#40

sorry to read

luv, I am so sorry. I haven’t been on in so long. I really wanted to find everyone from last years cycle pregnant. I didn’t have the heart to try again. I hope that you are able to try again and have success!!